Broken Trust Part 2

Chapter 83-1

Broken Trust

Part 2

 

There was no one there at the campsite except Bishop Earl and few fathers setting up. It would be almost 4 hours before it officially started, which gave us the best pickings to where we wanted to set up our tents. We had chosen a nice spot near the trees and a nice view of the small pond. Are tents went up quickly with the five brothers all giving a hand, and still have plenty of times to help the others set tables for the mess hall as well as gather wood for the fire.

Which was donated from a ward member as he backed up his truck to the big campfire and it still left us time to ask Bishop Earl and Officer Kenly if they would give us all a blessing. He didn’t ask why he just simply said “take a seat boys” Placing a chair in front of him asking who wanted to go first. Like Shane, he was prepared having three bottles of oil just in case inside his shirt pocket.

Instead of a healing blessing, he gave one to guides us and help us through or trouble times letting the spirit guide him. I didn’t need to know that spirit was strong when he and Officer Kenly placed their hands on our heads. I don’t know why, but when that happens the spirit is so strong when the right men are doing it that you end up with tears running down your cheeks and feeling at peace.

None of us were embarrassed when came to showing tears or openly sobbing as the blessings are given to you.  I just know the moment he blessed me the images of what the three bad boys were doing became a distant memory almost foggy. I felt loved and the beauty of the world was sharper than it ever was before the blessing. Another thing I noticed was that my butt didn’t hurt anymore; noticing Shane’s too confirmed it when we regained our seats leaving our pillows behind.

Shane and I laughed as we put them in the fire to be burned, telling me this was the best idea today giving me a warm hug, asking me if I was in the mood for a quick swim before the big event. I said striping down to my skin “the last one to the swing has to do the dishes.” Having my brothers follow, causing Bishop Earl too laugh and Officer Kenly sending both their boys to join us. Soon after the had set up camp all the boys and their fathers without so much as a hesitation even ones I didn’t know were doing cannon and balls and jumping off the tire swing.

By the time Dad arrived, we were all nicely cooled and picking up our clothes and decent once more. Dad wasted no time throwing his sleeping bag inside the tent and dove straight into the pond before we could count to ten. Groaning how good it felt when he came up for air. Stood up and said, “boys you better have those shorts off before I tickle them off you.” We knew it be wrong to disobey, but when it came to Dad and his tickle fights we all waited to be tickled back in.

I began to worry if Dad would still have a problem with me and Shane sharing the same sleeping bag after what he had put us through. Dad just added his with ours making one big bed as if nothing had happened. At first, I thought he hesitated then quickly mumbled. “No, I will not let Shawn’s evil deed taint what brotherly love we have when my sons are not doing anything wrong.” I was surprised that he still called me son when we spoke alone. I was nothing more than a foster kid and a pervert. It was only glimpsed, but the coldness was there than there was nothing but love in his eyes and in his manner.

Yet when we went to bed that night something had changed as he put me and Aaron on the opposite side of him with Shane on the other. In some ways, I had no reason to be concerned because I had slept many a night in his arms, but I also had reason to be concerned when Shane moved out of our room when I came home. Dad telling me that with Shane leaving on his mission I would have to get used to sleeping without him, but both are doors would be open in case I needed them. In some ways, I knew he was right, but also stated that he didn’t trust us.

Not a lot happened at the father and sons being a church function there were lots of building a relationship exercise with your father and lesson on family and Christ in the home. Several testimonies were given; even Shane bore his and Dad of course. I just simply said what everyone else said and sat down not really believing it. For what I truly believed would make me sound crazy; either way, Dad and Shane were proud of me and all I felt that I had just become a mindless sheep following other sheep.

In some way’s I did believe, but in others, I really felt nothing. I hope that Aaron too would not become a mindless sheep, but being as shy as he was he didn’t volunteer when his time came around and nobody forced him or any of the boys that didn’t feel comfortable about doing it. They knew being a small town how he and I felt about family having a father that wished you were dead and abused you enough times to mean it.

Dad dropped me off giving my mother a stern warning regarding my safety and when my father walked in he gave him the same warning; having my father swing a punch at him only to be stopped with an uppercut so fast he flew across the room. Warning me if he makes a single move to harm me or my mother including my brother not to hesitate to take him out then push the button. I smiled promising that he’d be dead by the time cops arrived and my mother would have buried the body. Promising I would call every night to check in.

Dad hugged me and laid a couple of kisses on my head. Told me I better because he would hate to find out that they had killed me and end my parent’s life. Even though I didn’t trust him like I did before, I still told him I loved him. Waited for him repeating it back, but the warmth wasn’t there as the words sounded hollow. Mom said she thought he meant it, but even she was having a hard time believing it.

It was nearly a month before I was allowed to go home, for if I had a home it would have been there, not here with my father. Even though during that entire mouth my father was never home or came home long enough to eat and leave soon after reminding me that chores still needed to be done. Leaving a long list for me and Aaron, but Susan and Becky seemed to not have any chores were always either with their father or with their friends, which was more than ok with me.

During that time I had talked to Shane having driven the long distance with my two younger brothers just so they could spend time with me. I had learned the first thing he did when Shawn came home was he punched him so hard that he nearly broke his noses. Mom and Dad didn’t say a word accepted he had earned it and Dad held Shawn down letting Jared and Jason have a turn at him; then repeated the same thing with Danny.

Mom refused to tend to any of their wounds and Jody simply slapped them if they even looked at her brothers. Not even Arthur was immune to get a beating that would leave his butt so red that he couldn’t sit down long enough before having to stand and Mom had gone back to bathing all three of them with a coarse brush. When Bishop Crawford asked regarding their beatings they just said: “Boys would be Boys.”

Dad was true to his word regarding cameras in all the boy’s bedrooms including mine and Shane’s. Telling us it just a precaution in case the three bad boys tried to get to us in our rooms and several more in the basement that showed not only their rooms but who came and went down the stairs. In some ways, I felt he didn’t trust me, but when I approached the subject he would change it telling me if I went down there he would know it.

Every day when he came home he would watch every video until he went to bed. The equipment took nearly a whole corner inside his room. And the cables ran across the attic into each of the rooms upstairs. Dad could flip to one camera at a time, the cameras were ugly and big and every room of the house had at least two. At the end of the week, someone would come and pick up the videos. Giving no set time when they were coming and do a surprise inspection.

Dad had also placed cameras all over the property including the barn, it said big brother was watching you… to the three bad boys, but to us it meant our private lives were being invaded.

Mom and Dad never invited the boys to participate anymore when we went skinny dipping as a family, instead they were left home locked in their rooms. It started to be uncomfortable to live our carefree lifestyle at home with cameras always watching us. That we would spend days at a time at our family pond, having Dad go back and feed them and change their buckets.

Personally, I felt they would have been treated better in juive, but to say any of us felt sorry for them would be a lie. Even in church, Dad refused to let them participate in their duties even after Bishop Crawford asked why stating the boys were just exploring and no real harm had been done, but now Mom and Dad were going too far. Not even allowing them to come to church with us anymore.

When the Bishop Crawford said the words “too far” that’s when the monster came out and nearly put his lights out. “Too far Bishop is when you can no longer trust your son, you hate yourself for letting it happen. Its too far when all they see is sex and treat every person as if they had the right to rape them. You go too far when you tell me they have done nothing wrong that boys would be boys. You go too far telling us that God is ok with them rapping their brothers and friends. You go too far when it comes knowing that your son will end up in prison for being a pedophile.

“You go too far telling me these evil acts are normal when I know inside that they are not and it is tearing our family apart. Since you refuse to excommunicate them, I have no choice but to not allow them the same privileges as my other sons that have not been corrupted by such an evil sin. I used to believe you were a man of God, but no longer, only a puppet doing Satan’s work. I’d leave this ward but I have many friends that I would miss and only hope they remove your filthy disgusting a*s and run you out of town.”

Dad was angry but was able to slip the monster back in its cage ordering us calmly to leave now that spirit had left and wouldn’t be back until he locked the evil away. Therapy was not helping, when the boys would sit there and lie that they were not doing anything wrong, putting the blame on the rest of us.

Mom and Dad would show copies of videotape of the three boys raping each other when they had promised that they were no longer doing it. The rest of us refused to have that image in our minds would simply walk outside or go for a long walk. I knew it was eating Dad alive watching it having to always change the locks and come home and find that they had moved their sex party. It was weeks before Dad said he had enough and stopped watching; just let them do it and let someone else watch.

We spent more times away from home trying to find the spirit by each of us giving the prayer until everyone had a chance to address openly what was in our hearts. But for Mom and Dad, they argued more at home then they did here and sometimes on our special outings so sometimes the spirit was hard to find. Shawn and they knew it was tearing our family apart, but simply didn’t; care and would put the blame on me and Shane. I was beginning to wonder if living with my mother would have been better.

It was quickly becoming the worst summer ever, watching our close-knit family crumble before my eyes, worst of all Shane would be leaving at the end of the month. In some ways, it was perfect timing for a home-visit to give me a break of always wondering if today the monster was going to come out and like me, all of us were sick of having big brother watching us. I’d fight a hundred zombies like my father if we could put back our family. I had asked my caseworker if it was alright that I attended Shane’s farewell before going home with my mother.

Even if she said no I’d be there after talking to my mother over the phone as Dad and she discussed my arrangements. The plan was to for me go home on Friday and my mother would bring me back on Sunday to attend church. I knew my father wasn’t going to like it, but he could go straight to hell. I was not missing a chance to be with my family on such an important event, even more so having me home for a whole week. Well until the following Monday before 4 pm.

When Friday came I had a gut feeling that something bad was going to happen, I felt sick to my stomach wondering if going to my mothers house was such a good idea, but I didn’t have a crystal ball to show me why or where something bad was going to happen and even if I had Jeff by my side, I doubt he would be all that forthcoming. Do to the cameras in my room Mom and Dad only had me strip down to my boxers. I knew the cameras had seen all of us naked from time to time, but it felt as if we were distributing porn.

It didn’t matter when my caseworker or who was looking through the tapes told us they were only looking for sexual behavior and were mostly keeping watch over the three bad boys, and were told that they weren’t concerned about our “Carefree Lifestyle” to act like the cameras weren’t there. Yea like that was going to happen. Only place safe was either out in the field or in the bathroom and the door was always open when the three bad boys were in there.

I never needed a suitcase when I went on a home-visit I had just as many clothes there as I did here, and the clothes that I had at my grandmothers I had outgrown and been handed down to my brother Aaron or goodwill. So just leaving in pair of shorts and a clean pair of boxers was all the clothes I needed. I could have worn nothing at all far as they were concerned, but with big brother watching that simply wasn’t going to happen. I had been working on my talk for Shane’s farewell for nearly week and I wanted it to be perfect so I took that with me and my scriptures and novel or two. Everything I needed was inside my backpack my mother lifted it asking if there was kitchen-sink inside. All I said was just the bare necessities.

By the time we arrived, the air changed seeing my father and my sisters waiting inside the house. My father growled, “You couldn’t stay away you filthy little prick?”

I answered back. “I see you haven’t been put down to hell I or had hung yourself for looking in the mirror.” My father lunged at me and I stepped aside as he went head first into the wall, giving me the chance I needed as I brought my elbow down hard hitting that sweet spot that would knock all the air out of his lungs. When he rolled over in pain gasping for air I pointed to my watch. Warning him if he tried again it would be the last time. Mom ordered him out of the house and cringed at the new hole in the wall. By the time I settled in my father was gone and peace was almost there if it wasn’t for my sisters staring and crying that I am monster. I would have counted it as a welcome home party, but I was certainly glad there were no cameras in the house.

Once the air cleared and Aaron noticed the Mom was back with me, that’s when he breathed with a sigh of relief, It seemed like me and him been living a hard life. Just because we were in two different houses didn’t mean we couldn’t suffer through the same hell. My sisters, on the other hand, had made it clear that they wanted nothing to do with us. Mom simply let them do whatever they wanted. If they wanted to spend all day with their father or with their stuck up friends so be it. She’d given up trying to please them and didn’t include them in any of our activities that she had planned. They were both old enough not to have a babysitter and could take care of themselves. It was their choice if they didn’t want to be here they didn’t have too.

That alone told me Mom had given up on the idea of family as a whole. She had already expressed her feelings when came to the Rothwell’s still saying no matter the difficulty I was having, they were still the best family I had, but it didn’t mean she didn’t want the details having me tell her everything until she was satisfied. Mom was Mom as she tickled me and Aaron out of our clothes. Telling us she much preferred us naked then covered up, to her being covered meant we were hiding something.

She wanted nothing more for us to be open in everything, not hiding behind some fabric that could hide lies and on how we felt.  To think just a few short years she would consider us immoral and would make damn sure like my father demanding we were covered from head to toe; now she preferred us in nothing but our skin. In some ways, I still had hope that my father would come around, but that never happened and would likely die hating us.

Mom didn’t ask if we wanted to go to the pool or if we wanted to go to our favorite spot up the canyon she simply turned towards the canyon, she had purchased a large tent for the three of us with my help working at Stringum’s to pay for it and so my father wouldn’t take it out on her when he saw all the new camping gear including a battery operated fridge just like mine and Shane’s. We would be camping in style.

Mom only made one stop after we had loaded everything into the car.  Having Aaron and I fill the coolers with ice and sodas. She didn’t even ask my father for permission to take us camping overnight, just got into the car and drove us to our favorite spot. Having me call my foster parents telling them I was alright and we had gone skinny dipping and would back the next day. Dad said he wished he and our family could come, but with all that was going on it wasn’t possible told me he loved me and to have a good time.

When we arrived the first thing I noticed was the new picnic tables and bathroom facilities with a plaque that said the person’s name who had built it. I didn’t know the persons personally, but it had a scout emblem on it with the date it was built telling us it was Eagle project from the Santaquin 2nd ward.

Even though it had only two toilets and two urinals with one sink and a large tower that could catch rainwater for the showers and a small pump and filter for water from the pond. It was the best thing since sliced bread. All it took was a quick cleaning with a small cabinet that held the supplies. Asking for people to donate money to maintain the building, I quickly add a fifty dollar bill. Mom thought it was too much, I smiled telling her fifty dollars is a small price to pay as often we are up here squatting in a hole behind some tree. She didn’t say I was wrong just helped me and Aaron clean it.

I liked our new tent with lots of headroom and space. Like I used to do with Shane, Mom had us share one big bed instead of three individual sleeping bags. Normally Aaron and I would share a tent giving Mom her privacy, but those days were long gone. I also knew if my father was here with us that no swimming of any kind would be allowed and would be quite angry if he knew that Mom and we were sharing the same bed, but he’s not here and not apart of our lives. There was plenty of wood for a fire to cook our hamburgers and hot dogs and would be plenty for smores later and breakfast with a sign asking people to donate wood.

I had asked Mom if it was alright we said a prayer first before we ate, Mom thought it was a wonderful idea, noticing the fact I didn’t only bless our food but asked God to fill our hearts as we share each others company. To me they were still words, but some part of me wanted to feel the same love I had felt when Rothwell’s would share ourselves or our troubles we were having at the moment; hoping to bring the spirit of love that had been missing in the home, since the incidents that has turned our lives upside down. I repeated the same prayer before we turned in for the night.

Mom didn’t ask about why I had chosen to; consider I had told her that we all were having a hard time being a family with cameras always watching us. It was like a lit powder keg when any of us looked at any of the three bad boys, we wanted to beat the crap out of them. There was so much hate in the house with them there that we had to leave the house and them just to feel any love at all, yet when we returned the hate was still waiting the moment we walked back into the house. It would have been better if the bad boys were sent away, but Shawn being their flesh and blood made the decision that wasn’t going to happen. Even sending Danny away would mean they had failed… and even with Arthur it too would be a loss and one my foster parents weren’t ready to admit to would be a lost cause.