Sibling Rivalry Part 1

Chapter 78

Sibling Rivalry

Part 1

It was after dark when Susan and Becky finally came out of the water. By that time there was nothing to see. Not like there was anything to see any way that Aaron and I haven’t seen a million times over. Officer Kenly had set up tents for the girls while us boys slept under stars. Like I had said before you never want to drive this particular canyon in the dark, and missing a fast Sunday wasn’t such a big deal, but I am not saying we didn’t go without some sort of lesson either.

I knew my father would be mad, that we were breaking another rule or compromise as we certainly were not dressed for the occasions, but neither we were indecent either. Not unless having a private discussion seating in swimwear as we all sat around the campfire, while Officer Kenly read a talk out of the ensign.

It was almost 2:00 by the time we left for home after one more swim, Even though most of us kids went skinny dipping except for Susan and Becky they would only wear their suits as well as the adults, but at least they participated to a certain point at least, instead of sitting on the sidelines; for a brief moment I thought they too had some fun, until we caught them smiling with the rest of us, and once more they would turn cold and cruel and simply refuse to play any longer.

By that time it was time to go anyway, so we could go home and fix a big dinner for tonight and a late lunch. In many ways, I hated to go back to reality where my father lived and where I was surrounded by hate, but it was what it was.

When we pulled up into the driveway with Officer Kenly and his family, my father was home and he was indeed angry; even more so seeing that we had played hooky from church and went on unscheduled camp-out. He didn’t have to ask if we had all gone skinny dipping it was almost obvious seeing his daughters shoulders sunburned without a single white strip where the strap should have been.

I knew my mother and he were going to have words and none of it was going to be pleasant ones. If wasn’t for Officer Kenly, my father would have brought the monster out, his face and eyes said that he would and be damned the consequences.

In some ways, Susan and Becky had gotten Mom off the hook after my father noticed that their swimsuits were wet and smelled of the outdoors, but when he noticed mine and Aaron's were dry as a bone, he growled angrily.

Yet it was Mom that defended us stating she didn’t break one of his damned rules, simply stating that he wasn’t there to see us. So he had no right to be mad when it was his own rule, besides Officer Kenly and his family joined us, which said the law was on her side, not his. What she didn’t say was his children were just as guilty when came to skinny dipping, but again they to were fully dressed so he had no real proof.

Aaron and I had chosen to go last to bathe, letting my mother and sisters go first as I said before Mom and my concerned parties would be notified at random, besides I had elected to go last. My father had left to go home teaching and wouldn’t be back for at least a couple of hours. Which freed us from being examined too closely, but I was more concerned what my sisters would say.

My foster parents only asked if I had a good time up at the lake. Missing church wasn’t a big deal as long as I never made it a habit, besides it counted as a family outing in their eyes regardless if my father wasn’t present. I could hear the sigh of relief when they heard I was fine and unharmed; even more so when Officer Kenly and his family went with us. My foster parents had a hard time trusting my parents, and going camping with them would have given them an easy way to get rid of me.

Grandma was more concerned about my sisters and what Susan was doing that could light the powder keg, when concerned my father. Like I have said before I don’t keep secrets from my grandmother, but I do not tell her everything. I had yet to figure out what to do if anything, about Bishop Crawford.

I knew he was dirty and I knew he was doing something illegal, asking young boys to deliver sealed packages around town and the money given provided for doing the said job, said to me that there was more going on then I really wanted to know. The fact that the three bad boys and their friends had been given a free pass, told me that something was going on, but what? Somehow I needed answers and the only ones that could help me were Bishop Earl and Officer Kenly.

I had hoped that Officer Kenly would have come back later that night, but he only stayed long enough to search the home and help Mom put our camping gear away. I knew I could have called him if I really needed to or go to his house, but I chose to wait until I could process what I wanted to say. Wondering if I was creating a problem that wasn’t there, but something just didn’t seem right about it and frustrated me that I couldn’t make up my mind.

For once my father was on his best behavior; well being quiet was the key while we all calmly waited for the monster come out. Listening to the wall clock tick slowly as I watch and waited for Susan to say what was on all our minds. I was even surprised she didn’t watch me shower again; Mom told me if she did for me to spray her really, really good.

It was Mom that broke the silence, asking me what I would like to do while I was home. Susan spoke up for me said. “Let me guesses, running around nude, skinny dipping, every day, just so you can expose your small toothpick size one-eyed snake.” Demonstrating by holding her four fingers and thumb two inches wide. Hoping to embarrass me or light the powder keg, which neither happened. Instead, my father grinned at my sisters as if it was the funniest thing he’d ever heard, and then the expression was gone.

Mom and I, on the other hand, didn’t find it all funny said. “If that’s his choice, God forbid me to prevent it; hell if you and your sister want to join in, I certainly wouldn’t forbid that either. It's not as if either of you two have much to be concerned about, being barely old enough to wear a training bra to hold nothing more than Kleenexes.”

My fathers face turned red with anger and embarrassment and slammed down his fists on the table making everyone jump, he growled. “I will not tolerate this kind of talk in my house or at my table. Now go to your rooms and go to bed, your supper is over.” 

I knew better to argue, and quickly did what I was told, locking the door just in case he decided to come after me. I missed the Rothwell’s; I missed the laughter and closeness I felt with them as a family. I hated the fact that Shane was leaving by the end of the summer and wondered how I was going to sleep all those nights alone without him. To me, he was my protector against bad dreams. Here I was completely alone, not even my own brother was allowed in my room at night.

Mom knocked on my door asking me if I was alright, I got out of bed and opened the door slowly making sure my father wasn’t on the other side. When I was convinced that he wasn’t I opened the door. Mom quickly hugged me and told me my father went for a long walk. Mom could feel me shaking; she closed the door and re-locked it, hoping to make me feel safer. It was then I felt I needed to get something off my chest and I knew it meant trusting her with another secret.

When Mom tucked me in I had made up my mind asked her stay. I could see the hesitation in her eyes, but I took her hand and told her I had something I needed to get off my chest. Mom smiled and laid down next to me, she waited for me to get my thoughts in order. When I asked her if she remembers the conversation I had with Bishop Lanwall she tensed up. Asking me if they had abused me sexually?

Like I said I had an open relationship with my mother. I told her no, that I was worried about it, but for now, they hadn’t. Mom breathed a sigh of relief. I quickly told her my suspicions I had with my current bishop, Bishop Crawford not leaving out a single worry. Mom was quiet for the longest time and bothered me that maybe I shouldn’t have said anything.

When she did I feared that I was making the problem bigger by including her. Mom gave me several kisses on the cheek and my bare shoulder. Told me if I was concerned then she was just as concerned as I was; that if there was something going on and I did nothing about it. I would never forgive myself, even if it meant hurting my relationship with the Rothwell’s. In the long run, I was doing the right thing, and that was all that mattered.

Mom soon brought the topic around to my sisters; asking me if it really was a big deal or the fact that I had found myself liking the “carefree lifestyle” to get back at her and my father.  It was something to think about, but I gave her a straight answer saying. “At first it was a big deal when I first started living with the Rothwell’s. Being scrubbed down like an animal with a coarse brush, by someone that I didn’t know or trust or being stripped search prison style.”

I turned around so I could look her in the eye. “It was even worse when Jody saw me naked for the first time, but I was only one in the house that thought it was big deal. Not even Shane was too concerned about it, and he was 17 at the time and had more to be embarrassed about than I did.”

Mom grinned I could see that she was imagining him naked, and then blushed a little realizing it, besides she already had including my foster parents and all my brother's sisters.  “Even if my foster Dad didn’t nearly whip me to death with the cattail; I like to think I would have come around on my own and accepted it as a way of life and would have realized it wasn’t a big deal. In some way’s it was the best thing that ever happened to me, Mom.”

I waited for to acknowledge that she understood. “And from that moment on I felt free as if a huge burden had been lifted from me, and most of all I wasn’t embarrassed about being seen in nothing, but my skin. The only regret I had was if someone like you or grandma would have sat me down earlier and told me it was ok and I wasn’t doing anything wrong by living in their carefree lifestyle, which torn me apart wondering is it wrong to feel this way?

“Not embarrassed about being with the other boys in my foster family running laps or swimming in a public swimming pool or at school in gym class, or wrong if it was a nice day and I didn’t feel like wearing a shirt or seeing my foster brothers and the other boys without one? That it was wrong to feel happy and unafraid of being in my own skin? Was it wrong to feel this happy and feeling closes to a family that didn’t see me as a sex object nor I them?

“Was it wrong to feel love and safe around them, because of their carefree lifestyle? But instead, you and my father chose not to be part of my life and felt the needed to constantly physically and mentally abusive me and Aaron. I was always questioning and wondering if I should hide myself in an Eskimo suit so no one including me could see me and be afraid to be loved or wanted and hate the very sight of me.” Mom was crying telling me once more how sorry she was. I carefully wiped a tear from her cheeks.

I kissed her on the forehead and said. “I just wish someone would have told me Mom that it wasn’t wrong and it was ok to be loved, that it didn’t matter what I wore or didn’t wear that you and my father would accept me for who I am. Pa always taught me that I should not judge a person by clothes that person wears, but what’s in their heart.”

Mom didn’t like talking about the Downing’s, but now she was a whole different person. I snuggled up closer to her and brought my nose close to her said. “I love you, Mom, I love you for making the choice to be part of my life. I love you for including Aaron and yourself into my carefree lifestyle. Instead of embarrassing me and him, or telling us that we are being immoral and going against God and my father. Instead, you embrace both, letting me see you and your heart, and to me, you will always beautiful.” I hugged her and gave her several more kisses, rolled over and placed her arm around me and held her hand tight against me.

I felt safe being in her arms, safe enough to fall asleep. Mom spent the night with me, even though it was against the rules according to my father. When I woke she was combing my hair with her fingers. The first thing she said “good morning my sunshine,” giving several kisses.

She asked me what I wanted to do today I smiled and said “for you to spend some time with my sisters, maybe explaining to them our carefree lifestyle. Hoping in the end they too won’t be embarrassed about it and know its ok. Grandma and my foster parents could give you an idea of where to start if you needed documentation to prove that we are not immoral hillbillies looking for sex. I would start there. Poof is always better when it comes from books and a Bishop you can trust like Bishop Earl.”