Living with the Enemy part 2

Chapter 70-1

Living with the Enemy

Part 2

 

Susan and Becky picked at their plate as if it was poisoned or something disgusting. The rest of us quickly cleaned ours not leaving a single crumb. Mom quickly took it away and added to her’s and Aaron’s and made them sit there and watch as they devoured it. Having me make more omelets until everyone’s stomach was bursting, except my sisters having chosen to go hungry and was quickly sent to their rooms until my caseworker arrived.

It was almost 9 when my caseworker finally arrived after getting a disturbing call from Officer Kenly regarding my sister’s.  She was quite angry that he or my mother hadn’t taken the matter into their own hands; even more so leaving it up to her to be the one to enforce it.  Stating it was too late to administer punishment other then a stern talking to and grounding. Telling them next time they have her permission to take them over their knee and blister their bottoms red. Warning my mother that she better not go too far, or she would suffer the consequences.

She asked if I was ready to go, I said where? Apparently, no one had told her that my mother and my foster parents had extended my home visit and that my mother would return me to them on Sunday around 4 o’clock. Mom and Officer Kenly quickly came to my rescue having her call the Rothwell’s giving them a piece of her mind. In the end, she agreed to it, stating next time to call her beforehand, but was quite pleased that the visit had been a success between all parties.

While she was there she had decided that she might as well deal with my sister’s one at a time. Sending Aaron and me outside and out of earshot, closing and locking both doors having us either stay in the backyard or go for a walk. We had chosen to stay in the backyard instead of having Aaron change into shorts due to his bad sunburn.

I knew it hurt, even after the long cold bath and lotion, neither was it acceptable to run naked in our own backyard like it was at the Rothwell’s. Where it would take powerful set binoculars or telescope to see anything that you wanted to keep private. Boxers are one thing, but going naked was another when your neighbors lived this closes to you, Mom, and Officer Kenly doubted anyone would see us because how high our wooden fences were, but neither did they feel comfortable about it either and left the decision up to us.

After she left, it didn’t take a genius to know that both my sisters had been punished. Just hearing them cry in the same room behind doors, said they had been punished.  Yet I knew more was going on; when my father came into the house with a garbage bag full of clothes, which told me that he had been given permission to return home. Watching their Bishop drive out of the driveway, apparently, he too hadn’t been told about my extended stay.

My fathered growled. “What are you still doing here you worthless c**k sucker?”

My mother put herself between us before he could even think about harming me. Told me in the most polite manner to be ready to go in 20 minutes. I nodded and left to change my clothes, double checked my backpack with my homework and music books.

I hadn’t been gone more than 5 minutes before the fighting started. Closing the door and placing my dresser in front of the door. Opening the window in case I needed to flee quickly; It wasn’t a high jump, but it would require me to roll the seconded I touched the ground. After hearing the knock on the door, hearing my mother tell me that it was safe to come out; stating my father had gone downstairs to do his laundry, and my brother was out waiting in the car. I removed the dresser, opening the door and closed the window, I quickly grabbed my backpack and high tailed to the car.

Mom didn’t drive directly to the church house; instead, she parked in front of a hardware store. Told me that Officer Kenly would be waiting at the church house, but had requested that we stopped at the hardware store to pick out a better door that I could lock securely inside my room and see if they could put some stairs that could fall out my bedroom window, in case I needed a quick getaway.

I knew it was going to be expensive, but my father would never see the bill, considering their Bishop told her to charge it to his account to ensure my safety while father was in the house. Personally, I hated the idea that my father was moving back in, but I also knew a marriage can not work if neither of them settles their differences. Mr. Stringum was more than helpful only charging my parents the cost of the window, and the Sheetrock and reduced it by fifty percent as well as not charging her for the install; promising that it would be all done by 2 pm.

I had picked a thick metal door from a catalog that could be sealed shut with 4 long metal bolts that reminded me of a safe in a bank, but still the same size of a normal door. It reminded me of a safe room in a rich dude’s house to keep intruders away from his family and valuables. Like them, it included an outside camera with a live feed that could be viewed inside my room. Letting me know who was outside my room and would be activated the second the door was secularly locked, with a small battery in case the power went out. The price tag knocked me for a loop reaching almost 1,000 dollars. Again since was for me and I was good friends with Mr. Stringum he would install it free of charge and sell it at cost, which reduced the bill to less than 500.00 throwing in the fire escape ladder in for free.

I knew my father was going to be furious when they were knocking out parts of my wall and part of the hallway to install the door and the stainless steel framing for the door. It was either that or sleeping outside on the roof always looking over my shoulders when the monsters came charging in to kill me. Mom added an electronic keypad so if there was a problem that she could get in. Officer Kenly and I would be the only ones that had the combination and would be changed the moment I had been returned to the Rothwell’s after each visit. So my mother could gain access to the room for cleaning and other necessity.  Not even she was trusted enough to be given the combo during the time I was under her roof.

Officer Kenly added an extra phone line so I could call for help so I wouldn’t have to leave my room. All I would have to do is push a number and it would connect me to the person I wanted to talk to. Number 1 would be his direct number, 2 would be the Bishops, 3 would be my grandmother, 4 would be the Rothwell’s and 5 would be the police station if all other numbers were unavailable. If I wanted to speak to anyone else then all I would have to do dial the number directly. Local calls only (meaning anything outside of Santaquin was off limits.)

Even though I had never made prank calls, or had any reason to call anyone long distance; kids are kids it’s not unheard of a kid ordering 100 pizzas to somebody and having them fit the bill. Unlike the window and the living room walls, my new security door wouldn’t be installed until long after I had been returned to the Rothwell’s, but in the meantime, the escape ladder and a simple lock would be installed until it can be.

It didn’t make feel all warm in fuzzy inside knowing that all my father had to do was break down the door with an ax or several powerful kicks to the door. By that time, my mother better have tranquilized my father, while I had made my quick exit to Officer Kenly place with my own personal key which now hangs around my neck. I hated to go into house invited, but sitting on the front porch bang at the door with my father behind me was a hell of a lot better solution.

Since my father was home I didn’t need a full escort to protect me from him. So I simply worked on my pieces undisturbed. I felt sorry for Aaron due to his sunburn and I knew God would understand if he didn’t wear a shirt and went barefoot, considering I myself had gone to church with many of my friends in the same manner. I could see Mom was uncomfortable about the idea, but nobody said anything about it. Even after their Bishop came in to listen to stating. It was no big deal and was more excited to learn that I would be in church this Sunday. He had offered to let me play one of my recital pieces to give me practice for my recital. I told him I would have to think about it, considering I wasn’t used to playing in front of a large crowd of 3 to 400 people and to me that was large concert hall versus friends family and other students and their family and being judged as well.

I hesitated to shake his hand, but after talking to Bishop Lanwall, regarding this strange feeling. I quickly took it and gave him a firm grip. The feeling was there, but the draining feeling wasn’t as strong when we broke it off.  Maybe the well was full? There was only one way to test that theory, I asked my mother if it was alright if me and Bishop Earl talked a bit, and invited her along, considering I had told her nearly all my secrets, but not all them.

She declined the offer said she would wait outside the office for me. I had no doubt if she were my foster parents she wouldn’t have passed on the offer. Instead, she would have insisted upon it. In some ways, I was glad because what I really wanted to talk to him about was something any boy would have been embarrassed about talking about and it was that dark secret that was hiding behind locked doors.

I started with something small as we crossed the threshold from the new part to the old part of the building, where it hadn’t been remodeled. Almost immediately I begin to see the old ghost of me and my father. I focused on the feeling digging deep into that well, focusing on that bright light, trying to picture Jeff and I standing in that field of green. At first, there was nothing. I almost gave up, but I was never a quitter when came to hard work.  I had learned that taking small bites of the problem like new sheet music, taking one stanza at a time. Working each note one at a time and adding more as it began to feel more comfortable.

I started to humm the medley; trying to imagine the smell of the grass, the little white flowers and the crisp smell of pine; I stood there what seemed like forever. No one said anything, but I could see my mother’s hand reaching inside of her purse. She asked me if I was alright. I nodded and took a couple more steps. The sensation was small like the notes, but each time I focused a little more adding details, like the shapes of the petals white softness running over my fingers and rough feel of the long green blades of grass. I slowly took a couple of steps.

Each step I took was like adding another note, adding a detail. I watched the ghosts fade, filling in space with blue sky, adding the cool crisp wind tickling my skin. I could almost feel the grass and dark rich earth under the soles of my bare feet. I took more steps humming the same pieces of music. Slowly working my fingers across the slick keys, feeling the vibrations reach inside of me as the music built.  I took more steps and walked the long dark hall, feeling the cool dirt sift through my toes. The warm sun kissing my skin, I could feel the rich full music filling my body, each note crisp and clear.

When I opened my eyes I was standing at the door of his office. I grinned seeing the nameplate on the door, feeling the rich brown varnished wood like a woodcarver in Pa’s workshop; I could almost smell the sawdust and the long grains on the wooden door. I breathed deeply smelling the fresh green pine needles, feeling them crunch softly beneath me my bare feet. I laughed hysterically, circling around and around like a crazy person shouting. “I did it! I did it!”

Hearing the music grow louder, filling me with such joy. I could hear my mother sobbing as I quickly hugged her telling her “I did it! I had finally done it!” Taking Aaron’s hands, dancing in circles repeating over and over shouting “I did it! I did it!” My mother was more confused than ever, wondering if I had lost my mind.  I laughed even more. I said, “Mom you have no idea what this means, it means I had found the answer, the one answer that has been hidden from me for so long when it comes to facing my biggest fears.”

Mom asked one simple question, but the most important one. “Which fears son? Which fear are talking about?”

I laughed hugging her, kissed her cheek, whispered in her ear, “all of them.”

Watching and hearing her gasp. “All of them?”

I nodded and said, “yes Mom, all of them.”

She took a seat watching me go into the office wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. I could see her hands trembling as the door closed. Bishop Earl pointing me to a seat in front of his desk, I smiled looking down at my bare feet, I could still invasion the crisp soft pine needles and the rich dark soil sifting between my toes. I looked up and smiled watching that same pulsating light twinkling in his eyes.

I didn’t wait for him to ask me, I had worked it out several times in my mind. I said. “I had a long talk with my old bishop, Bishop Lanwall, regarding this strange feeling I get whenever I shake your hand or look into your eyes. At first, I thought I was crazy and was just imagining it, but it really, really bothered me and I hate unanswered questions.”

I paused for a moment and took hold of the fact, wondering if I had gotten my answer wrong? But I could see the light. I could feel the crispness of the field and hear the music vibrate in my soul. That he and I could trust one another. I closed my eyes and smelled the sweet scent of the open field. He waited for me while I watched him claps his fingers together. I smiled and continued on. “My gut, tells me to trust you, my instincts tell me to trust you. My mind tells me that I shouldn’t.”

I took several long short breaths before I continued on. “But I needed to know, that what I tell you; that you won’t tell another soul until I give you permission. That includes my parents, the Bishop in my ward and most of all my foster parents. If you can’t because in some ways you are not my Bishop, but my parents Bishop and I am a little lost when it comes to which one you represent, but in any case, I needed to know that what I tell you stays between us. If not I am willing to walk out that door… for my life depends on your answer.”

I paused long enough to make myself relax a little bit more, and not to seem threatening.  “You should know that I have shaken hands with my new Bishop several times, and looked deep into his eyes on numerous occasions. I have yet to see or feel the same feeling that I get whenever I am in your presence or Bishop Lanwall’s.”

I waited as he sat there looking at me, It almost made feel uncomfortable. I could hear the clock ticking behind me as if his mind was a cog in the clock ticking away. I watched, waiting for the answer, feeling that the answer I wanted wasn’t the one he was going to give me. The silence was unnerving as our eyes locked, watching his fingers relax in front of him. My heart pounding as the silence continued. At last, this might giant breathed, watching the tension of his shoulders relax. I knew and feared the answer, and began to take my leave.

He spoke leaning towards me said. “I am your Bishop, your records are here, your family is here and I represent you as your Bishop when you are here in my ward.” I sighed, feeling the weight lift off me. Waiting for him to tell me that I couldn’t trust him and my dark secret would remain with me. The question in my mind is could I hold onto it or would it destroy everything? The trust I had built with the Rothwell’s could shatter as easily as glass.

I waited, cringing that he would say that he is duty bound to tell my parents, or worst the Rothwell’s, that I had spoken to another soul about what’s taking place behind closed doors. I hadn’t realized he had moved to take my hand and was staring into his eyes watching the light pulsating. He was quiet like a phantom in the night. I could feel the soft light leaking into me. I watched his lips move trying to grasp the words. “Yes son, you can trust me. I will not tell another soul outside this room until you have given me permission. I do fear that if I do, your life will indeed be in danger, your friend standing in the field watching you and me at this very moment says if I do, God help me and my soul for breaking this promises.”

I felt him let go pulling the other chair close to me. I cringed knowing I was about to break a promise, but I had prayed about it, I asked and got my answers. I prayed that I was doing the right thing by breaking these promises. I nodded told him what Shawn, Kelly and their friends had tried to do to me. I told him that they were and had been doing it to Arthur and his younger brothers Jared and Jason for some time now. That I fear that they are still doing it and now Danny was involved as well. I cringed watching his face, wondering if I was lying and took his hand and said I fear that next time they get a chance that they will succeed. He asked if my foster parents know.

I nodded they are aware of it and had me promises that I wouldn’t tell anyone or I could suffer worst consequences, than ones I had already suffered. He asked what those consequences were. I told about the hot box and the laps around the field. I told him about the about the skateboard accident that wasn’t an accident. I told him everything that I told my mother. Lifting my shirt over my head and showed him my back so he could see the fading scars.

I could feel his fingers touch them as they shook from one scar to the other. I told him how my foster mother had tried to drown me and how I was to confess my sins and how they tried to excommunicate me because I hadn’t been a member of the church and had been living with a family that wasn’t for almost two and half years.

I felt drained as I wept in his arms as he held me until I had dug every scrap out of me. He asked if I loved and trusted the Rothwell’s enough to stay there or if I needed to be placed in another home. I said I loved them, and I feared them, but I trust them with my life even more so than my parents. I told him if I was taken out of that home. I would be placed in a boy’s home for juvenile delinquents until I was 18.

Telling him it was the verdict of the State and Family Court that if I was removed from the Rothwell’s for any reason other than going back to live in my parents home. I would be swiftly be placed there like a prisoner.  But there was a small chance; a very small chance, that if my mother keeps her word and really has changed, there was a chance I could come home. But as it stands with my parents, more so with my father that it was fools hope, my best chance is to stay with the Rothwell’s until my 18th birthday.

I slowly fold my shirt in my lap, smiling at the memory of going to church this way and once again I am shirtless and barefoot-like my brother. I knew he didn’t care, I could see that it didn’t bother him when he looked at Aaron and me in the chapel. I only removed mine so he could see the proof written on my back. There was a knock on the door. I stayed seated as he answered it.

It was Officer Kenly telling him my father was back. He said we were just finishing up, which was my queue that it was time to leave.  He asked me again if I would consider playing Sunday, I nodded I would think about it and give him my answer when we meet on Sunday. We shook hands and I watched him close the door. I didn’t want to press my luck so we went out the side door instead of walking back down the hallway.