A Mothers Trust part 2

Chapter 63-1

A Mothers Trust

Part 2

 

I hated the fact that my father was so close to me. In fact, it terrorized me enough that I waited for Aaron to fall asleep before I got out of bed, Aaron panicked feeling me being torn away from him cling onto me. When I told him I was just securing the room he relaxed watching me move the dresser against the door. He didn’t laugh knowing the reason why. He simply said that was one the reason he liked his room down in the basement. He didn’t trust my father saying he pushes his bed against the door every night since I hadn’t been home. I asked if Mom had really had changed or if it was a trick. He said he trusted her, but took a very long time.

I nodded and tickled him having my mother yell “goodnight boys.” Not in an angry way, it seemed that she was smiling when she said it.

I hadn’t realized I had entered a terror dream considering I was in a home where my biggest fears were coming true. But then again I was very much awake and I was living the real nightmare screaming in complete terror hearing my parents trying to break into my room. My father demanding that I open this door or he was going to beat the crap out of me. I watched as the door slightly opened and could see his face. I wasn’t sure if I was dreaming or if it was real. Aaron doing his best to keep the dresser against the door, but my parents were strong. I ready myself to fight the monsters. I could see Aaron’s eyes watching me and the door.

I warned them if they come in they would regret it and that I was capable of killing them. My mother screamed at my father shutting the door only to be pushed aside like she was nothing but paper; yelling at him that I was just scared that he was going to harm me. My father growled. “And you think I won’t? I promised nothing Linda. I have waited for this moment for a very long time.”

He pushed harder and the dresser fell over nearly crushing Aaron, but he rolled out of the way just in time and went under the bed. Crying begging my father to leave, by the time he entered I was ready, but my mother was quick and neither of us saw it coming. She tranquilized him having his back turned. It was quick and effective as we watched him fall like a sack of potatoes. His surprised look was all he had time for by the time he hit the ground.

My mother was breathing hard with the exposed needle in her hand. Dropped it seeing what she had just done and checked to see if he had a pulse. It took her several tries when she saw that he was still breathing before she relaxed; asking if we were ok before she came closer to me noticing I was ready and able to take him and her down. Instead, I warned her not to come near me or I would defend myself. She heard the sirens and knew I had pushed the button.

She cursed hearing the door crashed open and seeing Officer Kenly in a bathrobe with his gun strapped around his waist. He noticed me ready to pounce on my intended victim before he noticed my father on the floor he said. “We warned you Mrs., Shepherd several times, that if you harmed him this would terminate the visit. You gave your word that it wouldn’t happen. Now you can come quietly while we wait for his caseworker or I can arrest you in front of your children.”

My sisters screamed, “you killed Daddy you monster you killed Daddy! That worthless b*****d is not worth it Mama. Why did you choose him over Daddy and us?”

If wasn’t; for me, my parents would be both in jail the very first night. I told him “she hadn’t broken her promises. In fact, it was her that stopped my father before he could do something stupid.” The phone rang several times before he allowed my mother to answer it. Only to have to hand to him explaining the situation; stating I was unharmed just terrorized because they found my bedroom door blocked when they were checking on me. He hadn’t hung up the phone before it rang with Dad on the other end; having to repeat the situation. Dad was demanding to speak to me or he would be there in person to make damn sure I was unharmed.

When Dad heard my voice he sighed with relief when he found out I was fine and there was no damage. It took a lot to convince him that I was fine. My mother complexion paled and her hands shook when she got an ear full from my Dad, but my father was right he didn’t make the same promise, giving my mother a loophole to crawl out of. It was her signature was on the paper, not his.

I wasn’t glad seeing my father was being handcuffed as they waited for the drug to wear off; wondering if a night or a weekend in jail would teach him a lesson. It took longer for the tranquilizer to wear off then it would have it I had been me instead of him. In fact, it was nearly four hours before he came to; groggily with a splitting headache.

My mother laid into him and slapped him hard enough it would leave nice bruises; no one stopped her as she did it again and was about to do the third time, having her hand stopped by Officer Kenly. The words were not pleasant using some of Aunty M cuss words that I didn’t know she knew. Telling what a horse’s a*s he is, reinstating what was at stake watching his eyes linger on me than his daughters.

He had the nerve to growl earning another slap, again nobody stopped her. Having made the decision that weekend in jail was exactly what he needed. Mostly she didn’t trust my father not to try it again. My sisters cried watching him being dragged out of the house in handcuffs; calling my mother a monster and a traitor choosing me and my brother over them.

She only said four words. “Get to bed now!” Watching the terror in their eyes as they both ran to their rooms, I could hear the doors slam shut. Aaron shook against me as if the monster was coming back alive inside my mother. It took some convincing before he too was sure that all the monsters were gone. The door was ruined seeing a large dent and the hinges bent. My mother wasn’t too concerned about it. She was more concerned about me and my brother for the moment. My caseworker hadn’t left yet and neither had Officer Kenly. My mother made an offer of a nice cup of tea in hopes it would settle everyone’s nerves.

I hated the feeling of the uneasiness like everything was unsettled. I was about to return to bed with my brother until my caseworker stopped us. Stating since she was here and Officer Kenly was now was a good time as any to make sure that I was indeed unharmed. I knew it was too good to be true. I felt like sideshow freak having everyone look at me. There was nothing to do but grin and bear it. I was about to remove boxers right there in the living room. Until they stopped me saying there was no need to see my cute butt just simply turn around in my boxers. Unless I thought differently or there was a reason that they needed to see it. I shook my head saying “no one touched me. Mom made sure my father didn’t take another step before he hit the ground.”

They were satisfied and Officer Kenly reset my watch and called it in as a false alarm. It took several minutes before the lights stopped flashing, for minute everyone thought it was broken then it stopped giving a tone that it had been cleared. My mother and I know we both dodged a bullet. Her hands still shook long after everyone left the house. Realizing that if it wasn’t for her and for me stepping in she could be in the jail cell right next to my father and her family taken away and never seen again. I also watched her count the tranquilizers before locking the box again. I heard her whisper a soft prayer praying she would never have to use it.

With my father gone, there was a weird feeling over the house, not quite peaceful, but a tense waiting. If this was only the eye of the storm passing over the house; for the moment I trusted my mother, well more than trusted her when I first arrived. I didn’t say a word as I opened the fridge and drank the rest of the tonic and asked her if she would make another. She hesitated when I said, “I trusted her, but I needed something stronger now if she wanted a peaceful night.”

That single word trust is important word even more so when I implied to my mother. By the time she tucked us in, I was out like a light and off to dreamland. It was almost noon before I woke with her in my bed with me, brushing my hair with her fingers. I knew she had been crying I could still see the fresh tear marks on her face. I laid there letting her and snuggled close enough and kissed her on the cheek. Yes, trust is a strong and powerful word; and prayed she would earn it. Mom hugged me making it hard to breathe it was just a simple kiss on the cheek, but to her, it meant a whole lot more.

After a late lunch Mom drove me down to Stringum’s so I could pick out the paint I wanted for my room. I asked if was ok if we stopped to visit my father. She hesitated and stopping on a dime in the middle of the aisle. Having me repeat what I had just said. I did and she asked why. I told her “I wanted to make sure he was comfortable behind bars and if he ever tried it again, that next time I would do more then push the button.”

The threat came out harsher than I meant seeing the effect in her eyes that said she got off easy. I reached up and kissed her cheek and whispered. “She had nothing to fear as long she was my mother not my enemy.” It took her a moment to get her voice back and raised her hand toward her cheek feeling where I kissed her.

She gave me her word that she would never again harm me or my brother, we shook hands on it letting me break contact which stated clearly that she would keep her promises. Mr. Stringum was shocked when he came in from doing deliveries and happened to notice me kissing my own mother on the cheek. The same mother that had abused me over and over since the day I was born. It took him a full ten minutes before he could speak.

All I said was “Mom and me have come to “understanding.” He didn’t ask what the “understanding” was or what it meant. The details weren’t all that important when you live in a small town. Gossip always found its way to all ears. It went even faster when the police stop at the front door and having your neighbors see your father being taken way in handcuffs. Mom took my hand and kissed my cheek I smiled like I was the one that had all the cream.

Mom just added a few extra items a camera and lots of films and told him to charge it all to my father’s personal account. The total was quite steep by the time she added a new front door and the cost of putting it in. Mr. Stringum said he was willing to do it for free, but Mom declined the offer said; “we all earned a little payback,” adding a nice healthy tip and adding two shirts making sure they fit me and a pair of overalls. Mr. Stringum added two bags of candy on the house. Telling Mom he would personally see to fixing her front door. Mom invited him and Dave to dinner saying. “Since the horse a*s in jail for the weekend there was more than enough food and room at the table.”

He knew better than to decline a free meal, but he did hesitate until said I would be the one cooking it. Mom didn’t feel bad knowing everyone knows she’s not a great cook. She simply said. “The kitchen hasn’t burned down when her “son” is home and in the kitchen. It shocked us all when she called me her son, not a murdering b*****d or some other name that would curl my grandmother's toes. She even kissed me on the cheek and took my arm as we walked out the door.

We visited my father after stopping at the drug store to fill my prescription. The Rothwell’s only gave her a night's worth of tranquilizers and sleeping tonic. Again it was for my safety to make sure my parents couldn’t give me an overdose of either drug. They gave her enough for tonight saying the other would be delivered to Officer Kenly. My mother took it in stride, but deep down I knew it hurt her that she wasn’t trusted.

She also knew it would take more than just a weekend and several home visits before anyone would trust her with my care. She envied the Frys, the Steeds, the Downing’s and the Rothwell’s because they had something she would have to earn and it was the trust they had with me.

She was angry more with herself and my father because of all the things they had missed watching me grow up. There was no one to blame except them for causing me to hate and fear them. Trust was something she needed to earn and she was determined to earn it. Starting with this visit; I heard her say it when she called me her “son” in public to everyone one she met along the way asking me who I was. She was proud to call me her “son” and soon changed it to “she has two sons and two daughters.”

She made a statement that frightened me to my very core. I overheard her say that I would be home to stay for good sometime in the near future. I wanted to scream. “No that wasn’t going to happen,” but I didn’t want the monster to come out of the cage. I wanted to believe my mother had changed. She knew I overheard her and I knew she meant every word. She said “trust her” she will do what takes to make it happen.

If she had to send my father to prison so be it. She wasn’t about to lose any more memories or watch me grow up from a distance. She might be dreaming big, but she made an unbreakable vow that when I am home no harm would come to me or my brother. I had my doubts if she would keep it. Time will tell if she was telling the truth.