Odds & Ends part 1

Chapter 57

Odds & Ends

Part 1

Spring and summer were my busy days for me and Shane working on small ranches tendering sheep or milking cows and other odd jobs. Sometimes it required us to ride horses or camp-out when it came to spending all day up in the mountains, maintaining rail fencing or herding cattle from one field to another. I spent less time at home doing household chores then Arthur and Kelly. That it became a sore point with them and would end up in a huge fight because of that. Dad and Mom would stand up for me stating that I could be trusted and he couldn’t; considering he spends more time grounded from trying to run away and getting in fights at school.

School like me was a sore point with Kelly having to be held back two years, due to his attitude and grades, which ended him being in the same grade as me and Arthur and riding the same school bus. Which was another problem altogether? Shawn’s friends and the school bullies called it a special bus made for retards or some other lame problem. The buss was different because it had a motor at the tip of its noses and smaller compared to the bigger school buses. To me and everyone else a bus was a bus, even today that idea has changed to the point that every bus was a bus, it didn’t matter who rode in it.

I was grateful I didn’t spend a lot of time healing from my injuries not that slowed me down any. All it meant was I needed less time wearing shoes and socks which I hated anyway and looser clothing having my shirts one size bigger so my wounds on my chest could breathe more freely. And going barefoot in school or church became a way of life or on cold days I wore thick socks to keep my feet warm.

The teasing was almost nil and became less important when I either sat my shoes at the desk or left them in my locker, and most importantly they made sure I wasn’t even near a basement. Having a doctor’s note stating it helped a lot with new teachers. Considering there worst things than a simple boy and friends going barefoot to and from class, like drugs and bullying even cigarettes were frowned on or chew and fighting on the school grounds. I should note and be honest about this. I did try smoking only once, but made me sick and never tried it again regardless of how cool it would have made me within a crowd. But never drugs or alcohol or even weed; not saying the opportunity didn’t come along now and again. It just wasn’t my thing; I was already messed up enough with my constant panic attacks. I didn’t need to add to the problem.

For that reason alone Kelly and I never saw eye to eye, which was more than fine by me, because I wouldn’t drop to his standards or when came to drugs and alcohol or skipping class just to be with the in-crowd.

He could pressure Arthur and Shawn all he wanted, but leave me out of it; call me and my friends any name they liked. I didn’t like to visit the monster when Dad lets him out of the cage, which was quite often when dealing with Kelly and Shawn. Arthur was a sore point when he did it, but it mostly because Shawn and Kelly made him do it.

Dad was true to his word regarding how to defend myself against bullies and my father. After school on the days, I didn’t have swimming or scouting he would take me over to a boxing gym where someone would teach me kickboxing, again shoes and socks weren’t required when you are working out unless I felt I needed them. He also signed me up for wrestling and basic martial arts and later tumbling and gymnastics. Shane became my partner in nearly everything.

Dad even went as far as in setting up a small weight room in the corner of the garage for all of us to use and when it got cold he would set up in the corner of the Family room. You might have heard the saying early to bed early to rises makes a man healthy and wise. Yet in mine and Shane’s case, it was early to bed and early to run makes boys healthy and strong. Each morning Shane and I would go to bed by 8:30 and get up to run at 3:30 to run two or three miles with brother Nile's before breakfast and school.

Wednesday nights would be wresting nights at the Rothwell home staring Shane and I taking bets who would be the first one pined. Sometimes I would win and sometimes Shane would. Dad did his best, but most times, I’d bet him by cheating learning some dirty tricks from Mr. Nile's. Like the shirt trick and the new pants trick. Where Dad would think he had me only for me to wiggle out of my clothing faster then snake sheds his skin. Causing Mom, Shane, and my sisters to laugh even harder when I was down to my boxers; Dad soon caught on and changed the rules after the fifth time pinning my clothes underneath him; as I stood in the raw giving great big fist pumps and the fact my shirts were stretched beyond wearable.

I had long given caring about being modest at home, mostly because it was every one of my brothers seldom wore clothes either being punished having doing chores or running laps in the buff or we simply sunbathed as played in the yard or the field, and it didn’t bother my sisters one bit or Mom if we chose to, but most of all none of my brothers were rarely embarrassed about it when came to my Mom our sisters seeing us in all our glory.

Well except for Kelly, Shawn and sometimes Arthur, but for the rest of us, it was no big deal. I can guarantee if my parents saw us living this carefree lifestyle they’d have a royal cow, but to us and Mom and Dad, they felt there was nothing wrong regarding it or how the outside world saw it which never happened considering how isolated we were out here. in fact, it made our family closer to each other and God in their eyes and Bishop Lanwall found no sin or fault, in fact, he encouraged it unless there was a problem that made it become sexual instead just being loved like family.

Mom made us wear our wrestling clothes due to the fact it caused us to be aroused not sexually because non of us were gay, but neither did Mom and my sisters make us feel embarrassed about it, to them and Dad, it was just a fact of life and does happen and was nothing to be ashamed of. Yet the suit still gave me the advantage to everyone else because it made it less they could grab onto as I squirmed free of their grip. Not even Kelly could pin me and Shawn was no match for me. The more I won the more confident I became and the fewer episodes I had. I had a whole new bag of tricks that could help me against bullies and most of all my parents. But my biggest challenge was getting over the fear of basements.

Dad and Shane tried the best they could, but the more they pushed the more we failed. Dad tried everything, from blindfolding me to knocking me out and having me wake up in the basement. All it did was make the matters worse. My shrink said I had made progress because I was learning how to defend myself causing fewer episodes, but the reality was in my mind my parents beat me so much for days and weeks of total isolation. That he didn’t think I would ever be able to conquer that fear until I could prove myself against them, which the odds were not in my favor.

Dad had faith in me that I would succeed as well as I do anything with any challenge he gave me. I am not saying I was a perfect child and I didn’t cause a problem now and then or got in trouble in school from fighting. Ending us both in detention and grounded from time to time. It did mean I was capable of defending my self without causing an episode; every time Dad or Mom disciplined someone in front of me.  It only happened when Dad went too far when came to Shawn and Kelly who had become partners and best buds seeking trouble.

Brother Nile's had part of a solution when it came to basements. His basement had two entryways one going down and one entering straight in from below with glass windows nearly covering the entire outside of the basement. It took several tries, to trick my mind that his basement was perfectly safe. It was the windows that made the difference. My mind simply accepted it as just another room.

If I began to panic all I had to do was look out the window and step outside. Take a deep breath feeling the crisp air and feel the sunshine on my face. Stating this was not a basement, this was just a room full of my friends.  It took nearly a month practicing and finally being able to stay in that part of the house without panicking. It was two more months before I was able to climb the stairs up into the house and by the third month, I was able to go down them.

But when it came to the church house or home, my mind was unwilling to accept it and would enter into a storm class episode. By this time Mom had her baby and Kelly had taken his spot downstairs with Arthur. Shawn and Kelly would use my fear against me when nobody was looking or home and force me down the stairs and beat the crap out of me.

It was the one mistake that Dad could no longer tolerate considering Shawn and his friends did the same thing to me months ago, but the one thing he didn’t believe as they tried to rape me. Only to end up with three broken teeth and two black eyes and several new bruises of their own. They were lucky I didn’t bite off something they held dearly when they tried to force it in my mouth.

They were also lucky that there were windows that I could see out and filtered in enough light that I was able to control myself long enough before a full-blown episode accrued. When that happened be prepare to see the demon inside of me lash out. Which happened after the beatings became relentless while they tried to tie me up. I end up breaking two of Shawn’s ribs and broke three of his teeth and dislocated his left shoulder; By that time Dad and Shane found me and were able to stop me from killing them. Even though it took two very strong tranquilizers to drop me, and a full day in my room and part of another knocked out cold, with enough tonics to drop and a tiger for a month; before the episode ended completely.

Dad thought they deserved more than what I gave them, but when it came to rape me Dad didn’t believe me or wanted to believe that was taken place down in his basement or in his house. So he accused me of lying and put me in the hot box. After being in there so often and so long, the hot box started to become the one place I didn’t fear the monsters. Just being afraid of Dad was enough to make it feel like a bad vacation. I stood my ground when he asked me again, again if I was lying about being raped; but I refused to tell him any differently. When it reached the tenth day he let me out stating if I mention again or to anyone he would stick me in the basement in a device called the turn-table.

I guess this as good of a place as any to talk about what the turn-table is, even though I wouldn’t experience it personally for a few more months. When Shawn and a couple of his friends try it again, this time succeeding. The turn-table is specially built closet that someone would sit in strapped down with leg and arm clamps to keep you secure. It has its own personal toilet which you are sitting on and a built-in shower with only cold water which is run through a constant chilled device. Like a bucket where Dad drops dry ice to freezing temperatures.

You are tortured with low volts of electricity that can be attached with small wires to different parts of your nervous- system using a lubricant jell substance and duck-tape to keep it in place. Like your arms, chest and upper and lower parts of your legs and feet. Depending on how high he cranks the current. It can cause unbelievable pain for short periods of time and sometimes burns or blisters your skin and if goes on long enough and high enough you will black out for several minutes or until you are brought back with the frozen water only to repeat the process.

The reason it is called the turn-table is that this closet can be turned around facing a cement wall in complete darkness. To the naked eye when a person such as my grandmother or caseworker; they see nothing but a closet full of clothes. While it is locked solid in place by a special hidden key in six places and a hidden lever in the floor, covered over with thick plywood that must be inserted with a different key or the panel will not open.

One other thing, you can scream all you want because it also sounds proof. This is one of the darkest secrets that is kept down in the basement. Also, one of the hardest things to prove that is there. Considering that it is nearly impossible to uncover unless you have the right keys and open them in a predetermined order, that changes from week to week or day to day at random. If someone does it incorrectly it triggers an alarm. Dad is the only one that knows the correct combination to the box and the alarm. Trust me you don’t want to be in it or when he turns the box to hide you when guests are in the house or there is a surprise inspection. All Dad has to do is press a button and the box turns and locks it in place, regardless if you are in it or not.