Old Friends & Family part 3

Chapter 55-2

Old Friends & Family

Part 3

 

It was another sleepless night as I laid there holding my brother in my arms listening to calm world around me. I knew I was safe and well protected, inside the home and outside. I had only taken half the dose of the sleeping tonic in case my brother woke with another nightmare. Just closing my eyes and listening to the sounds of my friends and family sleeping and the settling of the house. Wondering what my life would be like if I have chosen to stay with the Downing’s instead of going home just so I could say goodbye. I didn’t know I was crying until I felt the warm tears sliding down my cheeks.

Thinking about the life I could have had if things turned out differently. Would I still be living with Fry’s if Jeff didn’t take his own life; or had I fought harder or chosen a different path when I had the chance with the Steeds. If I had chosen to go to another foster home or home for boys, instead of returning to live at home and never have met the Downing’s? Either of those paths could have been a life full of happiness.

Yet I chose to stay and protect my brother. The one thing that is most important in my life was him above finding a place where I belonged and loved and a place where I could be happy. Did I make the right choice or was it destiny for me not to be happy, and could I live with my self for not being there for him? In some ways, I was glad that Thanksgiving was over. Not having to prove to anyone that I exist, and I am not a failure or a mistake. But most of all I had something to be proud of; for once in my life I stood up to my mother. Yet I had no idea how I was going to back those words up or even know if I could.

I had always like watching the sky as it turned from night to day. For me, it was like watching the shadows retreat or become consumed by the light. Yet I loved the night sky, the moon and the stars that shined above me. There was calmness in the darkness as the world slept and I felt safe in the moonlight and in its shadows where I could hide my true feelings, and not worry what the new dawn would bring.

Then again I loved the morning sun, the feel of the first rays touching my bare skin; the sounds of the world waking up; the fresh air and the vibrant colors coming to life when the sun rises and fills the sky. I had always loved feeling the dirt sifting through my toes and the green grass tickling my bare feet, the crisp sounds of leaves crunching under me. Even the pure white snow had its beauty, but my favorite would always be springtime and summer.

By the time Grandma woke I was sitting in the kitchen writing in my Journal. Trying to put my thoughts and feelings on paper in my journal. Feeling the warmth of the fire I had started to keep the chill off me as I wrote in my journal, sitting at the table in nothing but my boxers. Ma told me sometimes the best time to write was when you had a lot on your mind that was just screaming to get out. She knew I hated writing because I sucked at spelling and my grammar wasn’t any better, plus having the worst penmanship. Yet if I stopped worrying about the things that I sucked at and let my mind do the work the rest would come.

Some people have a special hour or a time of day where things just click and have a sense of clarity that normally they don’t have. Mine has always been at night between the hour 2 am and 4 am. Those two hours are the best time when my thoughts click and I could feel the emotion of such clarity that sometimes it will last until the break of dawn like now. I hated to sleep, mostly because of the night terrors.

Yet doctors say that sleep heals the body and let your mind relax so it can refresh itself, and without sleep, you can not survive and it can affect how you feel. I had learned over the years that I always slept better during the day then at night. I had more energy and I had a more sense of clarity. Even as a baby my hours were always backward according to my grandmother. I would cry all night and sleep during the day and it drove my parents crazy.

When I was born, I lived here when my father was in the Air Force. My grandpa would take care of me at night and we would watch TV. His favorite show was late night horror movies, even as a baby I would watch them and be good as gold. Until my mother or my grandmother would either to turn it off or change the channel. Finding that we had both fallen asleep, this would wake me and I would cry until they turned it back on. My mother gave up soon after so the rest of the house could sleep. Unlike most children I wasn’t afraid of monsters under the bed or in my closet; I didn’t require a nightlight to make me feel safe. For me, the true monsters that existed were my parents, not the ones hidden in the night.

Grandma didn’t ask why I was up, just kissed me on the head and started breakfast. I finished writing and had a sense of accomplishment, put my things way so I could help in the kitchen. Even though the house was equipped with heat, there was nothing like feeling the heat from wood burning stove in the morning. The smell of the wood and the crackling of fire seemed soothing, making you feel at home. Unlike most kids my age making a fire would worry most parents, afraid that I would burn the house down. Not grandma, she knew I was capable and could do it safely without having to have an adult’s supervision.

After breakfast and after officers did there job. It was time to say goodbye to my protectors; considering I was supposed to go home this afternoon, well that was the original plan; It was almost noon when my caseworker called finding out what my parents had done, and that I had an episode that required me to be tranquilized and my brother. Grandma assured him that I was alright and I had spoken with my foster parents soon after and were wondering how much time we had before he came by to pick me up. Grandma had to sit down when he told her that he wasn’t planning to come and get me until Monday afternoon asking if that would be a problem.

Grandma was speechless, then quickly said yes. That would be fine and hung up the phone and quickly gave me hug, danced a jig right there in the bedroom with Aaron and I. Don had just come in from walking the dog and doing his morning chores. Wondering why everyone was so happy. Grandma told him that I would be staying longer than originally planned, he shrugged his shoulders grumbling that it would be inconvenient considering. Today was laundry day and the house needed to be cleaned, going on and on with the long list of things that needed to be done. Not forgetting the phone and the bathroom door that was now ruined because of me and my brother and least not forget grocery shopping.

I should note that grandma doesn’t drive for reasons I never understood. I had learned later on that my Grandpa did try to teach her once when they first got married, but it scared her to death sitting behind the wheel. Don or someone always drove her around to the places she needed to go. One of the many reasons I never saw her much until I had a car of my own.

Don was and has been a perfectionist and always did things accordingly to a set time table. He hated it when something was out of place or something interfered with his schedule or things just broke or fought him, everything had to be perfect and seamless. It was years later when I came along and threw a monkey wrench and ruined it. Having completely changed his way of life, and I am quite proud of that plus it makes the family hate me for it, that and because I refuse to treat him like he is helpless or stupid. For example, he used to clean the house from top to bottom every Friday and Saturday. Now he cleans it every other week or does less some weeks to make room for other things like going to the movies and or other fun things that I have introduced.

Another habit “he had” was Monday was always his shopping day and Tuesday and Thursday was meat day. Meaning he would fix meat like chicken, roast beef and sometimes pork and feed it to his dogs. Instead of giving them dry or canned dog food. He no longer does that now, but it took almost three years to break the habit. Even the way he does laundry. Instead of spending the whole day at the laundry mat, he now has his own washer and dryer and combines cleaning the house and doing laundry the same day and still has time to go out for afternoon movie. He still expects perfection when he cleans the house and the taking care of the yard. I tried to help him with it, but he prefers that I don’t and would just redo the work I had done if I did.

Don wanted no part of what grandma had decided and gone on with his day stating we better not get in his way. Grandma stating that he could do whatever he wanted including fixing his own meals. Picked up the phone and called Aunt Mary asking her if she wouldn’t mind if Aaron stayed here longer, telling her everything that had happened. Considering she had my sisters while my parents were spending some “quality time” on their own. Knowing full well that my sisters were born liars.

What Grandma didn’t say over the phone or least in earshot of me and my brother is what happened to my parents after they tried to kill me right in front of her. I had learned that they were detained or under house arrest and fined, for what they tried to do. One of the reasons my sisters and my brother were taken out of the home. So they could spend some “quality time” thinking about their actions. Personally, they should have gone to jail, but there wasn’t enough evidence to prove that they did more than causing a disturbance or a family squabble, so once again they will get nothing more than their hands slapped and get away with it.

Grandma knew the rules regarding that I wasn’t allowed off the property without permission from the Rothwell’s so it became the next order of business. When she called Dad he asked what she had planned and how long I would be off the property. When all the details were worked out she hung up the phone and walked outside to talk with the officers stating that she had been given permission to take me off the property and when they would be back.

Office asked if he could see my watch make sure it was working, grandma looked at him as if he was insane as she watched him write down the numbers that he quickly scanned off with a special scanner. Calling in the numbers and told her that they would know if I went anywhere near Santaquin or Salt Lake City. If I did they would know within seconds and she would end up in jail and never see me again.

Grandma growled that she didn’t intend to go anywhere near my parents and had no reason to go to Salt Lake City. All she wanted to do was to do some shopping and go out and to a nice restaurant and a movie if they could find something we wanted to see. Just to get me out of the house for a bit.

They nodded stating that they would be back to check on me around 8 pm and each day after that; considering that my parents aren’t allowed to leave Santaquin until I was back under the Rothwell’s care. Grandma didn’t waste time watching them drive off through the window; before she asked what was so special about my watch.  She growled when I told her. Stating I wasn’t a criminal that needed to be watched 24/7 and was none of their damn business where I went. She was angry about it, but there was little anyone could do about it.