STARLIGHT

Short Story

Kate stays up late the night before her wedding. She sits in a field just outside of town, picking flowers and singing to herself as she weaves a daisy chain. She expected nerves, stomach-churning anxiety, but she’s calm. For years Kate feared that marriage would seal her fate. Now, it guarantees freedom, companionship, and a life lived on her own terms.

She stays in the field until dawn’s first light peers over the horizon, and returns to the inn with flowers in her hair.

***

She wakes up in the late hours of the morning when Melody, the innkeeper’s wife, bustles in with breakfast.

“Here we go, dear. Fresh cookies, and strong tea, just how you like it.”

Instead of taking her leave like normal, Melody waits and watches Kate eat, cooing in approval when she finishes the last bite.

“Good girl. You’ll be needing that energy later,” she says with a saucy wink.

Kate blushes. She’s not an innocent anymore despite having no personal knowledge of the intimate act and she’s seen Chris naked many times over the years, but a tinge of nervousness remains.

“Were you afraid on your wedding night?” she asks, and Melody chuckles.

“Oh, I was terrified! You know what it’s like working in a tavern, you hear the men brag at night and the women complain in the morning, and there’s no telling who’s being honest and who’s just passing the time. Luckily my Howard was just as scared as I was!”

“But it…was all right, in the end?”

“In the end, yes.” Melody pats her hand. “You relax, dear. I’ll draw you a bath.”

Melody stays with Kate all day, helping her bathe and brushing her hair until it shines like the winter sun of the homeland neither she nor Chris have seen since childhood. She doesn’t tut once when Kate on her favorite shirt, and even braids a sky blue ribbon into her hair.

“Something borrowed and something blue, sweet girl.”

Melody hugs her. “Thank you.”

“Oh, don’t thank me. You’re family after what you did for us.”

A knock sounds on the door and Melody’s husband Howard pokes his head inside. “Captain Wilkinson is downstairs with your lad,” he says with a courtly bow, and holds out his arm. “Whenever you’re ready.”

Kate curtsies and tucks her hand around her elbow.

***

The Bull and Boar Inn doesn’t have a full larder or even a real cellar. It certainly lacks a chapel; instead Howard’s study has been cleared out and a makeshift altar fashioned out of empty barrels and Melody’s finest embroidered tablecloth. A fresh loaf of bread rests between two burning candles. Emerson and Chris are waiting for her, along with the angriest priest Kate has ever seen, flanked by Emerson’s two dogs.

She claps a hand over her mouth to stifle the laughter. Someone-and based on Melody’s giggles she has a good idea who- made flower crowns for the dogs, blue for Ben and pink for Lou. Kate meets Chris’s eyes as she laughs, and her breath catches a little. He’s dressed as simply as she is; he looks much the same as he always does, except…different, in a way Kate can’t place. She looks her fill at him, searching for the discrepancy, but nothing becomes apparent.

“Kate, love?” asks Melody, bringing her out of her thoughts. “Your bouquet?”

“Oh. Yes, thank you.”

She gets halfway down the aisle towards Chris before it hits her: he’s handsome. He made the effort of looking nice for her, on their wedding day. For a moment her feet feel frozen to the ground.

Kate takes a deep breath and looks up to meet his eyes. Chris’s gaze flicks towards the door, a silent question, and Kate shakes her head in response. Whatever happens, however, this shifts their friendship, she trusts him with her life. The thought steadies her and she gets to the altar on confident feet, nervous but ready as she puts her hands in his.

The priest’s mouth twists and he says nothing until Emerson elbows him. He clears his throat several times before starting,

“Dearly beloveds, we gather here, without the presence of our Lord. In fact, we are totally devoid of his grace-” Ben growls, and the priest pales. “We gather here to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony!”

Kate has to bite her lip to keep from laughing. She can’t look at Chris otherwise she’ll lose her composure completely, but a quick glance shows his shoulders shaking in mirth.

“Marriage is a sacred union not to be undertaken in haste. Since neither of you prepared vows-”

“I did,” says Chris.

The priest looks as shocked as Kate. Vows? What’s the point? They don’t need pretty words to stitch each other’s wounds or wipe fevered brows. They do that already.

“Very well,” the priest intones after an uncomfortable silence.

Chris laces his fingers with hers and Kate’s breath catches again, this time at the warmth in his eyes. He never looks at anyone the way he looks at her, she realizes.

“I offer you my name,” Chris starts, in English before switching to Finnish. “I don’t expect you to take it, but it’s yours whenever you need it. Use it and make them pay.”

Kate smiles, sharp and fond. As children they repeated that to each other on the worst days when food was scarce and care about two young orphans even scarcer. They’d carried each other through the dark times and shared the spoils when light dawned again, never once forgetting where they came from.

“Lovely,” says the priest in a monotone. “Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

“I do,” says Chris. Kate can’t take her eyes away from him.

“And do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I do,” Kate answers.

“Then, as much as it pains me to do so, I pronounce you husband and wife. Kiss your bride and put an end to this farce.”

Dimly Kate hears the priest yelp when Emerson deals a sharp slap to the back of his head, but all of her focus is on Chris as she takes his face in her hands and pulls him to her. She’s never understood the big deal about kissing, really, but she likes the gentle pressure of his mouth on hers, the way her lets her lead and get used to the feeling. Her arms go around his neck on instinct and he smiles against her lips, his hands soft on her cheeks.

Kate can’t bring herself to pull away entirely after they part. Chris seems to feel the same way; he rests their foreheads together and trills once, for her ears alone.

“Hello.”

Happiness threatens to overwhelm her. Kate trills back twice and steals another kiss.

“Hello.”

***

Kate’s anxiety returns when they retire to the room Melody and Howard prepared for them. The Bull and Boar has nothing like a honeymoon suite, of course, but the linens are sparkling clean and the lilies on the bureau give off a wonderful scent.

“Are you all right?” Chris asks, and she nods, too quickly.

“Fine.”

He studies her. “No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am,” answers Kate, crossing her arms over her chest. “Can we just get this over with?”

Chris’s mouth rounds in comprehension and he sits down on the bed, patting the spot next to him. Reluctantly Kate sits. Her bravado is waning; the longer they delay the more frightening the unknown becomes. Kate wraps his arms around her shoulders and it’s reflex to lean against his body, so familiar yet so foreign at the same time.

“We should’ve talked about this when you asked me to marry you.”

“We were a little busy with that gunpowder shipment,” says Kate.

Chris laughs softly, resting his cheek on top of her head. “True. But, you know I don’t…expect anything, right?”

Kate doesn’t know what to say, so she moves closer and puts her arm around Chris’s waist.

“Do you talk to all of your lovers like this?” she asks, only half joking.

“No.” He looks down at the quilts. “I haven’t taken anyone to bed since we got engaged.”

“Why not?”

“Because it didn’t seem right without talking to you first.”

Even to her own hearing Kate’s laugh sounds harsh and anxious. “But we weren’t- we said being married wasn’t going to be about that!” She gestures between them. “Or, or this! Come on, Chris. I don’t expect you to act like my husband just because we stood in front of a priest and signed our names on a form.”

Chris is quiet for a moment, then he turns to look at her. “Don’t expect, or don’t want?”

Kate wants to look away and disappear until she can hide her heart safely away again, but Chris is watching her with a soft, welcoming look, the one he saves for her and her alone, as if…

“You love me,” Kate breathes. “Since…since when?”

“Since forever, I think. I just didn’t realize it until after you proposed.”

They’re quiet for a time, until Chris kisses the top of her head.

“We don’t have to do anything. Not tonight, not ever if that’s what you decide. You’re my best friend, Kate. Nothing we do or don’t do in our bed is going to change that.” His tone turns mischievous. “Besides…I have a right hand. I can take care of myself.”

Kate sputters and punches him in the leg. “Chris!”

“What?” His face is the portrait of innocence even as his eyes sparkle. “A man at sea learns to tend to his needs.”

“So does a woman,” Kate counters. She swears Chris’s gaze turns hot, but it’s gone too quickly for her to be sure. “You’re so disgusting.”

“Remind me which one of us went three weeks without a bath? Because it wasn’t me.”

That does it. Kate launches herself at him and they go flying across the bed in a tangle of limbs and laughter. By the time they break away Kate is breathless, red-faced, and more relaxed than she’s been since their wedding. Chris smiles, and tucks a lock of hair behind her ear.

“Come on. Let’s get some sleep.”

***

After all their years of bed sharing there’s no need to discuss who sleeps on which side or how the quilts should be arranged. Kate changes into her shift and Chris strips down to his underclothes. They could be anywhere, except she can’t forget this is their wedding night. She’s never had to reconcile ‘best friend’ with ‘object of desire’ until now.

Kate closes her eyes, determined to bully her body into sleep. It doesn’t work. She huffs and opens her eyes to find Chris watching her. The candlelight swathes his face in light and shadow, drawing out the contours as if they’re creating a map for her to follow. Kate bites her lip and reaches out, giving Chris every chance to stop her, but he doesn’t. His face is warm under her touch, a hint of stubble catching here and there. Kate traces his cheeks, his forehead, the curve of his jaw. Chris keeps still and lets her explore, his eyes never leaving hers.

“Okay?”

She nods and touches his mouth. Chris kisses her fingertips one by one as the beginnings of desire kindles to life, a warm glow. Kate’s instincts have never led her astray. She hopes they don’t start now.

“I want…”

“What?”

She doesn’t answer. Kate takes Chris’s cheek in her hand, pulls him close, and tries to remember to breathe when his mouth finds hers. It’s easy, natural to part her lips for him and match his movements, even easier to bury her fingers in his hair and savor the feeling. Her hips shift towards him and she starts. Oh.

“Oh.”

“What?” asks Chris, and d****t, Kate can feel her cheeks heating up. She knows he’s a man, of course she knows that, but it’s always been an abstract, obvious fact filed away with things like the sky is blue and the sea is salty.

Tentatively, Kate moves her hips again, experimenting. She likes the way his body contrasts hers, tall where she’s compact, angular where she’s round. She decides, too, that she likes feeling him hard against her.

“Not what I expected,” Kate admits, nodding to his groin.

Chris snorts. “I’m wounded.”

“Oh, come on. I’ve seen you naked more time that I can count, so I know you’re not a troll or something.”

“Are you sure? You don’t think you should check?” Chris asks, waggling his eyebrows, and Kate collapses in giggles.

“You’re terrible,” she tells him in between bouts of laughter. “Absolutely terrible. Remind me why I love you?”

He grins, bright and delighted. “You do?”

“Yes, d****t. There, are you happy now?”

“Yes,” answers Chris, and Kate has to kiss him again. Laughter bubbles up like sunshine in her chest, giving way to a quiet sigh and whispered assent when Chris guides her leg around his waist. They stay like that for a while, until it isn’t enough. Damn the layers of fabric. Kate wants skin.

“Off, get this off,” she murmurs, tugging at his underclothes. “Hurry up.”

It’s more than a little cumbersome to try and undress another person while simultaneously being undressed; Kate’s hands feel clumsy and she’s unsure where to put them. She keeps expecting Chris’s body to be different than normal, reveals some, some secret she’s missed all these years, but aside from his obvious arousal, he looks the same. Even his expression is familiar, the face he makes when he’s considering something.

The naked appreciation in his gaze brings her up short. For a brief, wild instant Kate thinks about covering herself, but that’s ridiculous. She balls her hands into fists, forces them to remain at her sides, and lets Chris look at her. He traces two fingers down her sternum before cupping her breast in his hand, sure but careful, so careful.

“Still okay?”

Kate nods, a little breathless. “That’s, that’s nice.”

Chris smiles, his thumb drawing light circles over her. “Like that?”

“Yes.”

Kate presses her thighs together. Kate’s touch does nothing to ease the ache inside her, it only makes her want more. She reaches down to take him in hand, determined to make him feel what she feels and get them back on equal footing, but he stops her.

“Kate…wait.”

She tenses and moves back, embarrassed. “Sorry.”

“No, no, no, don’t be sorry,” he soothes, taking her face in his hands. “Look at me, please?”

Reluctantly Kate meets his gaze. “I just need to know if you’ve done this before,” says Chris.

“You know I haven’t,” she snaps.

If Chris is at all put off by the defensiveness in her tone, he doesn’t show it. Instead, he kisses her again, slow, like they have all the time in the world. He pulls away and asks,

“Have you ever…by yourself?”

“I’m not a maiden ignorant of her own body, Chris.

“Show me?”

Kate’s eyes fly to his. “What?”

There it is again, the unabashed want in his gaze. “You already know what you like. I want to learn.”

Oh. Kate’s listened to so many women complain about their men being selfish to know a treasure when she finds one. They’ve shared so much. It feels as right as it does inevitably to share this, too. She murmurs an assent, kisses him once, and closes her eyes.

The first touch feels like a revelation. Years ago, Kate discovered it was impossible to hate her body when she learned it could make her feel so vibrant, so alive, and hot as she seeks her pleasure. She starts when she feels gentle fingertips on her wrist and opens her eyes to find Chris watching her, waiting for permission.

With a nod, Kate tilts her head up, seeking a kiss only to break it off with a moan with Chris’s fingers slide between hers.

“Good?” he asks, and she nods fervently.

After a moment Kate drops her hand and lets Chris take over. He’s a quick study, mimicking her movements and bringing her to the brink. Kate moans. Nervousness means nothing next to pleasure and she’s close now, so close.

“There it is, clever girl,” Chris encourages, his voice pitched low in a way she’s never heard before. “So good, so strong, so brave, look at you.”

She comes crying out his name. Chris holds her through it, kissing her forehead then her mouth, sharing breath and soft sighs that Kate is greedy for. She feels more naked than she’s ever been, not forcefully stripped but freely and happily given.

“How are you?”

Kate smiles, still breathless. “It feels different when someone else does it.”

Chris kisses the tip of her nose and brushes the damp hair back from her face. He looks calm, but Kate knows better. This time he doesn’t stop her when she reaches for him. Curiosity outweighs hesitation and Kate is in no hurry, feeling the how delicate his skin is here, how warm.

She experiments with pressure and motion, noting what Chris seems to like. Okay. She can do this. Chris groans when she twists her wrist, and oh, she wants to hear him make that sound again.

“Yes?”

He nods, a bit of color blooming high on his cheeks. It’s a good look on him, even better because she caused it, and the embers of her desire glow warmer at the thought. Kate grins. She’s beginning to see what the girls mean now, about there being a kind of power here. She wants more.

“Chris…can I?”

“Anything,” he promises. “Anything you want.”

She kisses him and pushes him onto his back. Chris’s eyes grow wide for a second before he realizes her intentions, then he reaches to help her straddle him.

“Easy, you don’t have to rush,” says Chris, and winces when Kate glares at him. “Sorry. Just trying to help.”

“Well, don’t. Just…here. Give me your hand.”

Bless him for being a quick learner. He goes right where she needs him, the pads of two fingers drawing slow feather-light paths across the apex of her desire. Kate still feels uncomfortable but she focuses on Chris’s touch, takes what enjoyment she can, and eases herself all the way onto him.

After he’s fully seated Kate stays still, just breathing until the pain lessens somewhat.

“Am I-” Chris breaks off with a choked moan when Kate flexes her muscles, testing. “Am I allowed to help now?”

She nods and he gives her a small, grateful smile before settling his hands on her hips and guiding her gently into motion, showing her how to move with him. Kate still doesn’t see the experience as something to boast about, but the potential for pleasure curls around her like wisps of smoke, a promise for next time. Next time. She…wants there to be a next time, with Chris, wherever they’ve chosen to lay their heads as husband and wife.

He’s as exposed as she is, the give and take of their bodies drawing low, broken sounds from his throat, and Kate loves him. The thought spurs her on, hips moving faster, determined to see him satisfied.

“Chris, where…where should I-”

She knows what she wants before he finishes asking. Please?”

Chris groans and reaches for her, pulling her down into a kiss that makes Kate’s head spin. His whole body tenses when he comes and she pulls back to watch, fascinated to see his face contort into an expression that would be almost laughable if it wasn’t so satisfying. She won’t tease him about it tonight, though, not while everything is still so new.

Chris holds her close, murmuring her name, again and again until the aftershocks subside. He trails a shaking hand between their bodies. “Do you think you can come again?”

Kate shakes her head, kisses the corner of his mouth, and lifts herself off of him. Instantly Chris’s arms come back around her.

“I don’t want to let go of you yet,” he admits softly.

Kate snuggles deeper into his hold. “Then don’t.”