And the winner is:
The female got 25 reviews
The male only 17
Lets face it, females are sexier. Males
are dirtier, more aggressive, but the girls
know all about it.
It seems as though the female in the story craves an alternate reality where instead of being coworkers, the couple is so much more. I think we can all relate to wanting things in the real world that are either very difficult or impossible to obtain. Good job!
A real nice slice of a life. Real. And real sensuous. If not sexy. I like the two-sided sense of this too. The feeling that is fading but still desires fulfillment. Good.
You set it up so well to get the reader into the mindset just within the first two or three lines, and then disappoint with a broad description of the lovemaking. "touching the right areas" could have been a much more thought-out attention grabber. It could be more flirty and provocative, a more further in-depth description of what the right places are or how he touches the speaker or even what kind of feelings the speaker gets when he touches her there.
What you have is a prime example of "show, don't tell". You have the salty surface scrapings, when, if you work for it, you could have the juicy meat down in the lower levels. I realize that it's supposed to be in the form of a letter, but, you know, it's here to entertain. :D
haa...Well done taking on this subject. I have often wondered what it would be like to be in this situation....pretty difficult all round methinks. You have described full well the desires and frustrations here. Great.
Thanks
Babs xx