Help Me Tonight

 

 

Hello there
 your my friend tonight aint cha?
Already taken some shots of you
Feeling my spirits heighten
memory puzzled a little like old age
Nice flame burning in my stomach
but my heart still squeezes
I thought you help with drowning
pain and sorrow
That's what I've heard
Why aint you helping me?
Please help me
I don't want to feel pain anymore
Please help me..
Jack Daniels..
please..help me..

 

Reviews

[Through the Gateway]

I've totally been there...and it ain't fun.

Good piece.

[Vincent Esprit FMI]

images of desperation are overflowing in this piece...the emotions for help are strong here....you have captured this moment very well...

[Nyida Strong]

Good piece, sounds like a plea for help, not just from good ol' Jack either. It's painful to read, when one really thinks of it.

N. Strong

[Ramble On]

you inspired my first effort with this work....please let me know what you think!

[PhantomDancer]

sweet in a way, but there's a real pain underlying there. Nice work.

[Zane]

ah the burning in your stomach, then i puke hahaha. good poem, i think it would be cool if you made the words in the shape of a bottle :)

[Fabian G. Franklin]

Ah, to hell with a review, just pass that bottle my way! lol

[Satellite Heart]

"Please Help me Jack Daniels" A beautiful, yet realistic line. I don't care what anyone says, I love this! Great Work.

[Jibey]

Smiles... an impish piece of writing... spirited, one might say :-)

[cartera]

Poetry-lite.
You write well but I seemed to feel the influence of too much Willie Nelson rather than Jack Nelson.
My poor wit.
There is a lack of depth to the poem and it deals with a matter that has been dealt with by so many poets. Try a more unique aspect of your life or reflections and let the world have them.
In short, it's fine, but it does show a fledgling poet searching for an original 'voice'.
Keep searching, I'll keep reading.
ATB
Alex.