Untitled

 

Hands clammy
Heart beating wildly
I knew this was coming
Hope you would have  changed your mind
Now I don't know what to think
I watch your lips as you speak those words
My heart is racing
Tears stinging
'Why?'
The world floats between us
'Why?'
Your answer is simple
'Right thing for me'
Stomach whirling
Heart squeezing
Feels like the world is falling
I don't want to hear it anymore
Nerves rack my stomach
Hands caress my back
Your warmth
your smell
encloses me
I relax against your warm body
'Shh it's going to be okay'
You whisper in my ear
Trusting you fully as I have before
'I might have joined the military and be sent over but i'll always be with you'
And for some reason those words brought comfort
I knew you'd always be with me no matter what.

 

 

 

Author's Note

I feel like it just dragged on.
I will most likely redo it but i had to place it down

Reviews

[Alicante lullaby]

loved it shel...

[The Analog Kid]

This one works pretty well as free-form. Nice descriptions.

[Elvina CZq]

I don't think you need to re-do it. It's perfect at its position. I like how at the beginning it all go soft then emotion goes strong over the line "I might have joined the military.....", and then it goes softer again until the end. Let's just say, it's smooth until the end. Nice.

[Coyote Poetry]

I like this one better. The statement "I might have joined the military and be sent over but I'll always be with you. Was stronger words then the new one. Both were very good.
Coyote

[KenCarswell]

very touching poem, love the way you are able to express your emotions through your word choice

[Satchmo's Gal]

I watch your lips as you speak those words
My heart is racing
Tears stinging
'Why?'

I love it! Very powerful. I'll admit, at first I thought it was going to be yet another breakup poem but you really made it special. Great job.

[lawrence bear]

touching, almost like a song, this is beautiful. A wonderful poem, thank you for sharing.

[Jinx's Heart]

Aww! Wow! Such fear as you start out, but I love the end when faith and love come together. This was very fluent and easy to read. Excellent work! I look forward to checking out more of your work. :) Have a good weekend. :)

[Emily Quinn]

i really like this; my brother was just recently shipped overseas so this poem has a deep effect. I really like how you keep the mystery until the end; enticing us to continue reading. It definitely didnt drag on. I loved it

[Sarah]

wow. this was really powerful. i cried a little bit! at first i thought it was about a breakup or something but it was about something much worse. I didn't think it dragged on at all. very nice. :*( but sad. good job :D