What Used To Be

 

 

Every time i hear your name

it shakes me to the core

shivers run up and down my spine

shaking me out of my 'alright' bubble

reminding me everyday

                                                          what used to be..

The memory's  twists my insides

like a salty  twisted Pretzel

expect pretzels are good

the twisting i feel hurts

Feels like a hammer slamming down

 on my ankle shattering  it into pieces

thats what my heart feels like

                                                          What used to be...

Sometimes i got to take a minute before i can

Go on with my life and tell myself

how meaningless you are.

                                                            Now Today..

A tight rope slowly crawls around my heart

looping its self around and around

before squeezing the very warmth out

Killing any compassion i had for you at one time

It feels like the top of my head is sliced open

with a razor allowing the butterfly's of memory's to  fly free

 What used to be 
                             is

                                   forever gone

        just like yesterday.

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

Woot got out of my writers block :)

Reviews

[Havatara]

My favorite part was: The memory's twists my insides
like a salty twisted Pretzel

I just really enjoyed how you compared your feelings to pretzels.
My only problem with the poem was you didn't capitalize the I's, and I don't know if it was intentional or not, but other than that the poem was written beautifully.

[MoonlitAngel]

Awesome! I loved the poem! And especially good for someone that just got out of their writers block. I really enjoyed reading it.. A few spelling mistakes here and there, but it's fine otherwise :) Great poem.

--Blood

[West of Everyone]

I like it. I have felt it. It has hurt.

Glad you are out of your writers block. It does feel good to write, eh?

[Jess.]

Woah! Totally amazing!


"Every time i hear your name



it shakes me to the core



shivers run up and down my spine



shaking me out of my 'alright' bubble



reminding me everyday



what used to be.."


I can really relate to that, it's almost scary.
Aweome piece of writing! =)

I really like this the open honest feelings one gets when a person you love can't or won't love you back. That pretzel twist I think we all who are passionate have had in the pit of our stomach.
Nicely penned
kewel
lionman

[Donna Marie Gray]

This poem is overflowing with emotion and mixed feelings. Very nice. Letting go is like that. Good luck!

[Lee]

Hey, Shelby, from the beach. I happened across you and your writing and I liked this. You clearly stated this relationship was on the slippery slope and over the edge. Your pace and word selection...very good. I'm not a poem reader, but I fully got the plot. Poor guy...so, keep smilin'...Lee

[gabby]

i love it

[George Love]

A couple of typos that could be fixed, like except in place of expect. Almost like a song in the structure, well done work. I think you could tweak it into something much better, maybe even to a great work.

[EILEEN McGUINNESS]

This is very sad but well written i liked the anger and passion shown here like a true writer you have embraced all of your emotions and placed your deepest thoughts in to the open perhaps attempting to rid yourself of this useless feeling that one day soon things might turn around for you and the young man who has created such turmoil in your life.
I liked the references to yesterday and today and the verse about the heart being effectively strangled with all of the love gone out it and your reference to a head which is now empty of emotion and feelings.

[Morgan A Lynch]

great poem... very good imagery and use of words.