Under The Stars

Being under the stars with the one you love.

I love the cool  breeze
On our skin as we lay here
Under the stars after we made love
Feeling refreshed and happy
On top of the world and just
Fully satisfied to be in your arms tonight
Snuggling in the  crook of your arm
As we lay on the blanket you kiss
My forehead as you whisper sweet words
In my ear  as I softly caress your warm chest.
 A light smile touch’s  my lips
As I whisper ‘ I love you..’

Author's Note

For some reason it wouldn't open for me when i first posted it so i had to re-post the poem.. sorta weird..ya..

Reviews

[Eagle Cruagh]

This poem is nicely written, but
I don`t find it extraordinary as one of
your other writings did.

Perhaps the setting is just too comfortable.
Maybe involvment of your readers would help.
What I am saying is, create a setting that readers
can see themselves a part of.

It is a nice poem.

------ Eagle Cruagh

[The Message]

To be honest, I normally dislike poems of this type, dismissing them as territory well-worn, but for some reason this one sticks with me. It's a very lovely scene and a wonderful way to describe it.

[Dillon Cotter]

Very soothing and refreshing. Perfection.

-Will

[Bill Grimes Jr.]

Beautiful sentiments and heartfelt expression of peace and love Shelby. This particular piece unfolds as a journal entry..........a snapshot of a passionate moment in time for you........Well done my friend.

Bill :-)
P.S. Johnny Lang rocks!

[SilentDreamer]

Cute, flows well. I love the stars so it kinda drew me to this poem. Great job, good poem. :D Keep writing.

[Bree]

Aww, this is sweet =). I like the fact that you used the word crook. It made me smile.

[Sean Allen]

Being with a lover under the stars is a beautiful thought and the words you have chosen to describe the thought are close to perfect although one could have chosen any number of words. I quickly read the other reviews and pretty much agree and disagree with them at the same time. Your poem is just the right length. But with a bit of tweaking; the reader could always get closer to the scene. However, you have expressed a beautiful sentiment and I for one can feel the cool breeze and your total satisfaction with the experience you just shared.

[FairOphelia]

Okay, I think this is good, but I think it could be better. I kind of agree with the review below mine.

I think the topic is absolutely fine and the structuring of the poem is great, really tight and closed in, but in a good way, showing a real kind of intimacy.

I think what would make it really good is to fiddle around with some of the language to create Keatsian/Tennysonian sound effects. I think then there would be a really sensuous touch to it and would allow people to engage more with the poem.

Despite those suggestions, I do think it's a good poem.

[jessie]

This is a really nice poem. I think you could of made it a little longer and it would be better. I still think it is wonderful just not your best write. Thanks.

[Stephanie]

This is really cute. I can imagine being under the stars with that special someone. It's romantic and beautifully expressed and just understated enough so as not to be all mushy. Really cute :)

[Don Coorough]

You express a lovely sentiment. Keep working at your writing, you know that you want to let go with your feelings, maybe try revealing them a bit more symbolically.