Why?

About wondering why and moving on

I sit here and think over it
             Once..
              Twice..
                A week..
                   A month..
Watching the time fly by
               Seconds
                   minutes
hours fly by I just sit here
Thinking over this
I want to scream  at you
WHY
     what I do to get this?
WHY
      did you hurt me?
WHY
      would you use me?
WHY
     Was I picked for your evil  pleasure?
Why
     wasn’t I worth it?
When you left I sat there for hours
                 Wondering..
                     Thinking..
Searching for answers that
will never be answered
Well today is the day
I stop  wondering
WHY
and move on with my life
forgetting you
and what you did.
All I was  was a toy to you
     To be used and abused
       I’m more then that
I’m a human
          with personality and smarts
Your not  worth the pain and suffering
you forced on me
Its time to pick up the pieces
move on with my life
and laugh at how stupid you were to loose me..

Author's Note

What do you think of it?

Reviews

[Bree]

I can relate to this a lot.

The way you set up your poem, the way the phrases are... it really spoke to me. Whether this is a poem you wrote that is true about your life, or if it's just fictional, you've done a superb job capturing the emotions of someone who would be going through a tough time and would ask "why".

All in all, an amazing piece of writing =).

-Bree

[Idyllwyld]

"Why?" is a question we all ask. But enough cliches.

For the record, despite being male, I was also in your position at one time. My first relationship. Possibly also my heaviest. My most passionate, without a doubt, with as much love as a raging inferno....and like that uncontrollable flame, that was precisely what was so good and what was so terribly bad about it.

I know this is a poem, perhaps even catharsis, and therefore venting if nothing else. If this is completely fictional, and simply a poem for poem's sake, then I applaud your ability to fool us all....in other words, the "Person" speaking was just that much realistic. It was just that helluva good poem.

But, if this was a form of release....then I offer you some perspective I have yet to see from others. Perhaps if nothing else, I'd like somebody to write a poem about it:

What was He thinking? Perhaps any number of reasons, but ultimately when you sift down to it, it was Wrong.

Now let's stop and analyze that word. Wrong.

To be wrong means to be in error. Be in falsity. To be incorrect. What is to be incorrect? To not correlate with what we know as true, the facts, or simply what we believe to be as such.

Perhaps he wanted a different kind of person. Even if that person was...judging from your poem...more of a "plaything" (as sad as that sounds). You, then, were just too much of a person for him. And therefore not what he wanted. You were wrong to him. Wrong for him.

If you were not, then things would have connected far better than they obviously did not. Consider it a blessing, a grace that by some horrible fluke your conflict did NOT push things to a severing point. Imagine if you two had still been together, and the relationship turned into a pained charade....

Ah, now that's the stuff that smarts. It's what happened to me.

I bring this up because of the pained laugh I see at the end; your last two lines. Yes, at the surface it's the first symptom of moving on, however believing him inferior is just not as fair as him leaving you. He had his reasons, as foolish as they might have been. Perhaps the lad is an imbecile or a jerkwad, that's not for me to know. What matters is that YOU should not hold onto a smoldering anger of him.

He had his reasons, and in his mind he had his logic. It may make sense to no one else but him, but for him, that's all it takes. Bitterness is natural at first, but not for the duration. There are too many human experiences for that.

Do not forget what "he did to you." For that would only lead to repeating the past. I would learn from it. I would like to see a poem in which the Speaker learns from it.

Frankly....I'd like to hear less journal entries and hear more on the evening news....hear what people are doing for themselves.

[Stephanie]

I totally understand this. I was really into this guy who said he liked me too but couldn't be in a relationship. You know, the line. Then he turns around and dates my best friend. So I more than understand the anger and hurt and wasted tears that results from guys who really don't care what they do to girls. Great emotion. I felt every line. Keep it up :)

[Eagle Cruagh]

I love it.

This has style, depth, excitement and it
involves the reader. Who of us has not
asked the same question ?
Many of us have been confronted with this
dilemna, but only the brightest shake it off
and go on with life.

Excellent writing.

Great !

----- Eagle Cruagh

[Tony]

I can feel you are hurt and angry and probably contemplating revenge, lol like alot of women do when they think they have been used, I think you got your point across but you need to move on, by first forgiving. Not easy.

Tony

[Kizitaly]

geez..I've been there. Good job

[Katherine Wyatt]

I love that you ended this with the victim becoming a survivor...Love the free verse form..beautifully executed!

[Wildecat]

I would say you definitely got your point across, sad but sometimes we have to cut our losses and just move on. Nice write.

[Helen Woodward]

You most definitely got your point across and if it is any consolation you are not the only one suffering at the hands of a cad, there are thousands...if not millions in this position, but...here's the good news...there is life after CAD!!!! Just be a little choosier this time.
Cheers,
Helen.

[Debra Stevens Edwards (..]

I feel your liberation in this piece. First the pain and confusion as well as your devastation. The ending was the most powerful message. You took back the power you had given him so he can't hurt you anymore. I think the pity was a nice touch as you sound like the best he could ever hope to achieve. Then lost it. Every nice touch.
Hugs Debby