2- Friday- 18th- 2013

Dear Dr. Moon, I am sorry I forgot to do this the past two days. But i saw you on Thursday, which went alright. We talked a lot about the people in my life.
Which they seem to be lessoning and lessoning.
I don't think Sarah wants to be friends anymore. I feel bad that I didn't go stand on the train tracks, but I was worried that If a train would come, I would do it. Which I know you are probably going to scold me for thinking this way later, but it's a tad bit too late.
I just couldn't do it. She doesn't understand me much when it comes to things like that, but she has her own problems, so I can't blame her. I just feel like we are growing apart. But what else is new.
She has new friends, and I am stuck with the same ones who you told me that I should either drop, or try and make new ones.
But I just can't. I dont want to let new people into my life, I am so afraid. Maybe just to hang out around with a school, but not on the weekends, nothing like that. That is just me though.
I think you're right, that one day I'm going to turn around and Sarah wont even remember who I am. She always says 'I wish I had friends that did this' or 'I wish I had friends cool enough to do that'
and she deserves them, I suppose. I'm just not cool enough for her anymore.
But, Kaitlyn is and so is Christina, or whatever her name is.
That is fine too, I guess.
She even said it herself when Abby was around that we weren't bestfriends, we were sisters.
Which I swear that still haunts me.
I don't even know why I come over half the time, other than to get away from David and Francine.
She doesn't really even bother to talk to me.
But I can't blame her, I wouldn't want to talk to me either, or be anywhere near me.
I've been good this time. I've been avoiding fights, though she still loves to argue.
Whatever though. She's a teenager. I know I am too, but I don't act like one, in that way.
Not at all. Right?
I hope not.
How are her and I even friends sometimes, and it's not even her fault, it's mine because, goddamit, I am not cool enough. I dont want to be adventuress, because I know once I am out there. I'm not going to want to come back.
Walking back from the train tracks and the trail, I almost started crying, I didn't want to go anywhere. But I knew the longer I stayed maybe I'd begin to run, and then maybe running would involve infront of a train.
Who knows.
Who cares even.