1- Wednesday- The 16th 2013

My first journal entry to my therapist.. published.

Dear Dr. Moon, You told me just to call you Moon, but.. I'm really not sure how I'd feel about that to be honest. I've only been to one session with you, and I'm honestly not sure I am capable of calling you Moon yet. It's not that I don't trust you, well.. To be honest that is exactly what that is.
  I know that sounds bad.
  And, it's not you. It's me.
How cliche does THAT sound?
But, It's true.
I have horrible trust issues as of lately, as we talked about in your office.
I told you I'm going to try and tell you everything, but I can't promise to not leave somethings out, due to the fact that, there are some things I would really love to tell you. Things that would make things so much easier to understand about me. But I just simply can't.
I know you'd go tell my dad and I cannot have that.
The risk is to high and I would simply just rather live with it for the rest of my life.
Or maybe I'll tell someone when I'm older.
It's nothing all that bad.
It happens to a lot of the women in the world, and you know, even some of the men. Which I didn't even know happened. But statistics say so.
Anyway, lets get off of this subject and move onto what happened today.
It was the last mid-term exam day, which is great.
The only bad thing about that is.. I probably failed. All of them.
ALL.OF.THEM.
Well, maybe not my graphic design one.
But the others.
I most certainly failed.
Which means I get no credits.
Which means I will be switching schools and going to Forest.
It upsets me, but maybe it's for the better.
There really isn't anything much for me at Lake Weir anyway.
A few friends.
But no one I can feel I will really miss other than Amber, Caleb and Prince.
Which out of nearly two thousand kids, isn't a lot.
But..
whatever.
I sort of gave up to be honest.
I have a lot to tell you tomorrow.
About everything that happened this week.
Or maybe I will just let you read this.
Because I'm about to give a summary.
So, Dalton.
You must remember me talking about him. My ex... who I am almost positive is insane.
He evidently is hurting himself, and for some strange reason. Once again, it is all my fault.
I simply told him goodbye, because It's not my fault.
Two months ago i broke up with him and I have tried everything I can to help him.
None of it was working.
He would tell me how much he loved me, every day and I couldn't handle it.
Because we had broken up, and even when we were dating, I didn't love him.
I didn't do anything wrong did I?
I just felt like I was being rushed into something I didn't really even want to be in the first place.
He made me feel so worthless, telling me it was pretty much all my fault.
Maybe I was over reacting.
I don't know.
But I seriously began freaking out, and Caleb listened to me.
Which is sad honestly, because I like him so much and I feel like I burden that poor kid with all of my problems.
He handled it for me, and I felt so horrible.
But.
Again.
I just really stopped caring about a lot.
I don't have much to care about anymore.