Dear god

only chapter one

The large mattress sunk under Matt’s weight as he lay his muscular body down. “November Rain” by Guns N’Roses spilled loudly from the speakers of his stereo making his thoughts wander back to her. He couldn’t remember how many times he’d played this song over the fast four months. Sighing heavily his raspy voice repeated the words singing them sadly as they tumbled through the air. Four agonizingly horribly boring emotionless months without his best friend. Crossing his large arms behind his head he stared blankly at the ceiling wondering what she was doing, where she was at & most importantly if she was thinking about him too.

“Shadows! Man, seriously give this song a rest will yah?!” Brian shouted turning the booming stereo down barely above a whisper.

“Fine, just turn it off.” Matt stated emotionlessly waving his hand in the air before rolling onto his side with his back to his band mate.

Brian furrowed his eyebrow in concern as he watched his friend spend yet another Friday night alone as he had done for the last four months. All of the guys had been growing worried by Matt’s antisocial behavior lately. He used to be so sociable, the social butterfly if you will. No one knew what had happened but they’d all wish he would just tell them how to help. Debating on whether to say anything or not Brian let out a sigh. Taking a few steps toward the bed Matt closed his eyes.

“Syn can you just…leave.” Matt stated quietly. Feeling defeated Brian’s shoulders hunched slightly as he slowly drug his feet to the bedroom door. Glancing over his shoulder at his friend he shook his head & did as he had asked leaving the room.

Warm tears stung Matt’s hazel eyes as he lay there wondering where he’d gone wrong. Something he did or maybe even said must’ve upset her, in his mind he had to be the reason why she didn’t want to talk to him. Picking his cell phone off of the nightstand he focused on the small blue screen, a sigh of frustration escaped his lips; he had no new messages. Flipping the cell phone open he scrolled down a few names landing on hers. Furrowing his eyebrows he stared at the six letters that formed her name, Claire.

Matt wanted to dial those seven numbers but instead he closed his phone. Throwing it over his shoulder carelessly, as the cell phone landed on the carpeted floor with a light thump a hot tear rolled down his cheek. He was nothing without her, he couldn’t feel & he didn’t care about anything. All he wanted was to run his hand through her long silky jet black hair, hold her small frame in his muscular arms, brush his finger tips against her soft Carmel skin, hear her melodic voice, see that breath taking smile of perfect white teeth & look into her honey brown eyes. All things he knew he couldn’t live without; all he wanted was his Clairebear.

Laughter erupted from the living room as Claire paced her bedroom. She’d invited her brothers for dinner because she had something very important to tell them. Something she’s been hiding for four months. Running a thin hand through her hair in frustration she racked her brain on the words she needed to break the bad news. Time was of the essence in her case, keeping this secret was only hurting her family & friends. Taking a deep breath in through her nose she allowed it to flow through her lips hoping to relax her nerves.

“You have to do this, it’s important. They’ll hate you for keeping it this long.” Whispering encouraging words to herself was the only thing she could do to keep from breaking down. Mustering up every ounce of courage she possessed, Claire walked through the open bedroom door down the hall heading straight to the living room.

Standing at the end of the hall a small smile spread across her face. Matthew & Jason Berry sat on the over stuffed couch in their sister’s living room pushing each other while playing video games. Everyone knew how childish the twins could be, but none of their friends were bothered by it because they themselves are childish. Snapping out of her thoughts, the youngest Berry child made her way into the living room stopping at the end of the couch.

“Claire, watch me kick Jason’s a*s.” Matthew commented grinning evilly.

“F**k you, dude. You hella cheated.” Jason stated bitterly. Taking a labored breath Claire smiled half heartedly at her brothers. Those two meant the world to her so having to break this news brought her unbearable emotional pain.

“Guys,” she started shakily. “I have to show you something.”

A bit scared & taken aback by their sister’s depression, Matthew & Jason nodded dropping the controllers on the carpet in front of the couch with a few thumps. Claire led them into the medium sized kitchen holding back tears as she walked up to a corner cabinet. The twins looked at each other with questioning looks before watching Claire open the large wood paneled cabinet door. The entire bottom shelf lay cluttered with medications.

“What’s with all of the meds?” Jason chuckled lightly pointing to the mess of orange bottles.

“I have cancer.” Claire blurted out turning around quickly.

The smile that Jason had possessed a second ago had faded immediately at her words. Both brothers felt as though they’d failed their baby sister. They’d promised to protect her, to keep her safe but they couldn’t do it.

“You’re kidding right? You can’t have cancer you’re only 25.” Matthew stuttered over his words sadly as hot tears fell from his chocolate brown eyes.

The news hadn’t truly sank in to either Berry twin as they both stood there staring at their sister for any sort of indication this had been a sick & cruel joke she was playing. Silence filled the kitchen other than the light sniffing occasionally escaping one of the guys. Claire didn’t know what to say to make the pain she caused her brothers to go away. Biting her bottom lip, a couple of thoughts ran through her head. If they’re taking things this badly how are the guys going to react after not speaking to them in four months. The only thing that really mattered to her at the moment was possibly making her brothers feel better.

“Guys just pretend I’m okay…please.” She begged trying to reason with them.

“Claire!” Jason huffed. “You have cancer we can’t just forget!”

“But I’m still alive.” She replied cautiously. “I don’t want to dwell on it.”

The room once again grew silent as everyone just hoped this was all a bad dream, one that they would wake up from any minute. After a few minutes of an uncomfortable & sad wordless atmosphere passed they knew this wasn’t a nightmare they could wake up from. Unfortunately this was reality & Claire really did have cancer. Sometimes life isn’t fair, bad things happen to good people & that was definitely the case here.