Prologue

A young carpenter and his mentor are caught in the middle of an attack on their village.

 

Prologue

            “It’s getting colder out here,” the young carpenter said, raising his eyes from the rooftop he was helping to repair to gaze at the cloudless sky.

            His mentor looked up as well, and shook his head gruffly. “Nonsense,” he said. “Temperature hasn’t changed since this morning. You probably just felt a breeze.”

            Normally, the carpenter would have accepted that his mentor knew better, but this time, something told him that the older man was wrong. “I’m telling you,” he said. “It’s been getting colder ever since that woman came through the village gates.”

            His mentor had gone back to working, but at those words, his head snapped up again. He wagged a finger at his protégé. “That woman is Victoria,” he said. “And she happens to be probably the most powerful Elemental of our day. You would do well to show some respect. She doesn’t take kindly to disrespect.”

            The revulsion was clear on the carpenter’s face. “An Elemental?” he said. “Here? What does she want here?”

            “Well, now, that’s for the village leaders to know,” his mentor replied. “And for you to keep your nosy little nose out of.”

            “But…”

            The mentor shook his head. “You young people and your silly prejudices,” he muttered. “Never mind it. Focus on your work.”

            “I’m not prejudiced, I just don’t think we should be so blasé about those people walking around among us,” the carpenter said.

            “I will not have this discussion,” the mentor said. “Now, focus on your work, or you’ll be doing overtime.”

            The carpenter nodded and raised his hammer once more. A few minutes later, their repairs of the rooftop were complete, and the pair climbed back down to the ground. To his surprise, the carpenter noticed that the occupants of the house were gathering outside, loaded down with backpacks stuffed to the breaking point. “What’s going on?” he asked.

            The older man of the family stuffed some money into the mentor’s hand. They recognized him as one of the town leaders. “She’s furious,” he said. “We’re getting out of the village, now.”

            The carpenter glanced towards the man’s family, surprised to see the eldest girl cradling a tiny baby. He hadn’t known that anyone in the family had been expecting. He stretched and let out a sigh of relief that he was finished with the day’s work…and frowned when his breath came out in a plume of white, like it would in the winter.

            “We have to go,” the man said. “I would suggest doing the same.” He turned and led his family away, towards the village gates.

            “Well, that was certainly odd,” the mentor said, watching as the family began to march towards the gates.

            “And that’s even more so,” the carpenter said, pointing towards several other families doing the same thing. He looked at his mentor. “What could be going on?”

            The mentor shook his head. “I’m not sure,” he said.

            The carpenter was about to speak again when he was interrupted by a loud cracking sound. The air was getting colder now for sure, so cold that frost was beginning to form on the windows of the small houses around them. He spun around and inhaled sharply; the cold stung his lungs as he did.

            Walking towards them was a woman, a strikingly beautiful woman with long, flowing white-blond hair, clothed in a fine white material. But upon her face was a terrible expression of fury. Following her in her wake was a thick layer of ice that seemed almost to be alive it covered everything like a thick blanket.

            The carpenter felt like he was frozen to the ground, and glancing down, he realized that he was. His feet were encased in that thick layer of ice, as were his mentor’s.

            The woman stopped in front of them, her irises completely obscured by a layer of white. “Where is she?” she whispered in a dangerous voice.

            The mentor shook his head plantively. “I don’t know what you mean,” he said.

            The woman tilted her head to one side, then lashed out and closed her hand around the mentor’s throat. The ice that had encased his feet shattered as she lifted him, one-handed, into the air. “Where is she?!” she demanded again. “Where is my daughter?!”

            Something seemed to click in the carpenter’s mind. “That way!” he said. “I saw them take her!”

            The woman looked at him, her features contorting even more as she dropped the mentor. Leaning over so her face was only an inch from his, she tipped his chin up with a long, cold finger. “If any harm comes to her…” she whispered in a deadly voice.

            The carpenter would have stumbled back if he could, but his feet were still firmly encased. He watched as the woman straightened up and walked away. No, walking was too simple a term for what she was doing. She was gliding on a thinner layer of the ice that seemed to be radiating from her. He watched as she disappeared through the village gates, shivering as the cold seemed to crawl up his body. He glanced around, looking for his mentor, and his breath caught in his chest when he saw the older man already trapped under the ice. It seemed to be alive, as it spread from his feet, to his legs, and began to wrap around his chest. He cast one last look around the tiny village, seeing the devastation. He’d known they couldn’t be trusted. And he silently vowed that, if he survived, he would make sure that no one trusted those people again.

Reviews

[Nicholas Burns]

I like it... Don't love it, it could definately use some work, but you're writing is solid, and you have some interesting ideas there. No really blatant grammer or spelling issues, so it's pretty good in that department. I'll reserve further judgement until I read more of this, but for now I must say, you've done a pretty good job with this.

[RHP]

"helping to repair to gaze at.." = something missing here.. a word and punctuation?

"walked away. No, walking was too simple a term for what she was doing. She was gliding on a thinner layer of the ice that seemed to be radiating from her." = I would leave out the "No, walking...etc" and just say,
"He watched as the woman straightened up and turned to leave on a thin layer of ice seeming to radiate from her." Or some other variation. We don't need the extra part about walking being too simple.. like you are struggling for words to use because I think this slips you out of the voice of the narrator and into your own.

Refreshing to read. I look forward to reading more of this, but becareful of your voice slipping in ... it's one of those annoying habits that we all have from time to time in any given piece we are creating.