To My So-Called Father

Bonding over The Beatles

Won't give me cause to forgive

And though I am destined always

To know you, and perhaps,

Deep down, love you
I can never forgive you.

I pretend to smile,

Pulling the corners of my mouth away

In a failed attempt at happiness,

And I dutifully join in the conversation,

But in the back of my mind

Your choice is always there,

Haunting my every step.

First you chose the drink

Then her

Over me.

And now that both of those are gone

Still I am not enough, still

I am just your creation,

Just your flesh and blood

And always just your ever present

Unseen failure,

The falsity you pour into everyday moments,

And mold to your liking.

You write your poetry and share it

With every sorry excuse of a friend,

Crying out your suffering,

Your pain.

What do you know of suffering?

What do you understand of pain?

I experienced both through

The tortured existence of you.

You set me aside,

Assuming, of course, I would always be

Never having any idea how close I am

To drifting away and becoming

Nothing in your eyes,

Never realizing that once I'm gone

I'll not be back

To assure you your life has meaning

And allowing you to shape me to

The image that pleases you.

I'll be gone forever,

With no cause to pause

And forgive you your faults.

Your acknoweldgement will mean nothing

Now that I'm done,

Apologies will be lost

In your screwed up translations,

You're losing me-

Why didn't you make an effort

and listen to subtle pleas

That can lead to love and forgiveness-

And one day I

Will stop being your fake daughter

Because Daddy, your daughter I am not,

And I

Will gladly say goodbye.

Reviews

[The Villain]

very touching. I relate to this on a very personal level, and really enjoyed reading it.