Wise Women

Wise Women build their house.

Last week, I gave my definition of the Machine as, “a metaphor for the interplay that separates and pits the masculine against the feminine.” I wrote that, “The competitive masculine fuels our capitalist and consumerism economic system. The devouring feminine seen in governmental programs attempts to allay fears by overcompensating, promising to right all wrongs and grant all wishes. This unholy alliance … threatens to collapse our country and each of us individually.”

The Machine ultimately destroys our homes. This destruction begins in false, deeply held beliefs that pit men against women. We’ll discuss that in more detail in a moment. First, let’s see how the Machine seeks the abolition of the home.

As dependency on the Machine grows, connections and relationships are broken. Self-sufficiency is destroyed as our dependency on the government and corporations grows. More and more services become government entities�"trash pickup, water, electricity, natural gas, etc. In addition, insurance premiums, required by law, continuously escalate. Homeownership has become more expensive plus all the requirements that go along with it. This drains our wallets along with our mental and physical energy.

For instance, I recently spent half the day on the phone with my health insurance company to update basic information. Most, if not all of us, have horror stories to share.

Other burdens are the products that no longer stand up over time. TVs, dishwashers, washing machines, and more are (almost) built to be disposable. We recently purchased a refrigerator whose ice maker quit working twice in a three-month period. No longer can homeowners or even servicemen make repairs when parts become overpriced and repairs more complex.

In addition, the food industry provides cheap overprocessed convenience food that can scarcely be called food. Why not cook fresh food at home? Because our kitchens have become so cluttered with gadgets that our minds are overwhelmed. So, we eat out instead.

Our houses, garages, and storage spaces become cluttered with cheap products that we neither want nor need because we are told these things will make our lives easier. And then, we can’t bear to part with our unused clutter because we paid good money for it. And yet we hold tight, thinking more things will keep us both safe and happy. These products become our master, and we serve them instead of them serving us. Instead of security and happiness, we develop anxiety and depression. Behind the curtain hides the Machine.

What does the Machine, the unholy union of capitalistic greed combined with a government that stifles self-sufficiency, need from us? Two things:

1. Compliant workers and citizens.
2. Consumers of products.

The Machine does not want self-sufficient citizens. To keep us compliant, the Machine makes sure extra time is consumed by work. Our children’s lives become a scramble of finishing schoolwork and participation in extracurricular activities. Sports have become another encroachment of the Machine�"extending seasons and encouraging greater participation. Why? To feed the greed of the Machine while keeping the citizenry occupied.

No wonder cellphones have become a source of mindless entertainment�"we’re too tired to do much more than scroll endlessly or play Candy Crush. These problems in modern society seem to have no solution. While solutions are not simple and easy, solutions do exist.

Not that long, at the beginning of the twentieth century (my grandparents’ and great grandparents’ generations), families worked together. Cottage industries were common, and farming was the norm. Contrary to popular opinion, women were gainfully employed, helping in the fields, sewing for neighbors, putting up jellies and jams�"any number of creative activities that provided both purpose and meaning to their lives. This Way of living was around for millennia until snuffed out by the Machine. The Proverbs 31 woman, “seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard (13-16).” She was not staying home scrubbing toilets and nursing babies. She was a willing, equal, partner with her husband in providing for her family by working in a variety of ways.

In the give and take of everyday life, women in the previous generations were trusting of men and men proved themselves trustworthy to women. And vice versa. Proverbs 31:11 tells us that the husband trusted his wife. Of course, there were exceptions, but for many of our ancestors, work and family life taught dependency on and trust in, not the government, not on corporations, but family members. Today, people long for, are nostalgic for this type of meaningful life, but are too tired to actually pursue it. Instead, we elect officials who promise its return.

Here’s the thing: No one can return us to the good ole days. We must travel there ourselves.

When the complexity of modern lives has left most of us with neither the time, mental capacity, nor physical energy to make the journey, what can we do? I have a few suggestions.

1. Stop mindlessly consuming. Make meaningful purchases.
2. Stop letting others, especially influencers tell us what we need to be happy. Stop following trends.
3. Simplify our lives as much as we can. Simplify does not mean minimalism. I’ve labeled my lifestyle comfortism. Buying products that make my family and me comfortable and content, without making my life more difficult and cluttered.
4. Learn to speak up. Let companies and our elected officials know why we are unhappy. When I spoke to the insurance representative, I told her that the company should eliminate the red tape I went through. I spoke in a respectful but direct tone, something many of us fail to do.

How does this pertain to “Wise Women”? Women, especially Christian women, have been told to be nice. This means to accept any and all behavior without speaking against it. While women are to trust and to submit, men must be trustworthy. (Note that Ross Byrd’s Substack, Wives Submit? introduced me to this trust-trustworthy paradigm.)

Is the Machine trustworthy? No. And, often, our husbands and church leaders are not either because many have become part of the Machine.

Women must submit to men, but we misunderstand what this means. Some believe it is trusting men no matter how trustworthy they are. At its core, submission is trust, however ...

Here’s the Kicker: Men are the source (the “head”) of trust.

Trust cannot and will not develop unless men become trustworthy. Paul tells husbands to “love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it (Ephesians 5:25).” This agape love is a trustworthy love.

Why did Paul emphasize submission more to women than to men? Several reasons. First, the ability to give birth gives women innate value, so they do not have to prove their “worth.” Secondly, consider the process of birth, the safe keeping of babies, coupled with less upper body strength. All these contribute to women being more vulnerable and less trusting.

On the other hand, men must prove their value, and that’s the reason men engage more in sports or other competitive fields. They have greater physical strength that makes them more naturally trusting of others. In addition, their competitiveness often results in cut-throat tactics. The agape love that Paul tasks husbands with goes against that grain by teaching them to deny themselves to become more trustworthy.

This, then, is the dynamic�"women must learn to be more powerful to trust and men more loving to be trustworthy. Men and women must go against natural inclinations that are framed by both biological factors and societal (including church) teachings. Furthermore, what is often forgotten is that the onus is on men. The submission of women flows from the trustworthiness of husbands.

We see this in Ephesians 5:22-23:

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

The head is the “saviour of the body.” A “saviour” is the very definition of trustworthiness, the one who liberates. And yet, many Christian men have proven themselves untrustworthy.

Who often get the blame for men’s untrustworthy behavior? Women. “You need to be more submissive,” women are told.

Instead of empowering women, they are taught by churches to be more and more vulnerable and to forgive more and more, no matter the untrustworthiness of the men. Men are taught to be less vulnerable by showing strength and the will to power. Somehow, this vulnerable conduct of women is supposed to “save” the husband, without a word.

But we misunderstand Paul’s admonitions. A Christian woman is clothed in the power of Christ, His authority. This is to help her stand strong against the untrustworthiness of (some) men, not to collapse into a vulnerable mess.

In the first year of my marriage, forty-three years ago, my husband and I played Battleship. I sank one of my husband’s ships, but the game malfunctioned, without my knowledge, and failed to indicate my hits. Carl knew but stayed silent and won the game. When I found out, I told him he cheated. He objected and said he only took advantage of the game’s malfunction. I convinced myself it was silly to be so upset over a silly game. Here it is forty-three years later, and that game popped in my head when I thought about the trusting/ trustworthiness in my own marriage. Only now do I understand that this was the first chink in Carl’s armor�"his competitive nature overcame his agape love.

Of course, many more chinks appeared in the years since. That’s part of our learning process in life if we are wise. Fortunately, both of us have grown and matured in Christ. I did not give up on him, and he did not give up on me. Too often, women walk away, not over something as silly as a Battleship game, surely, but over things that are almost as trivial. Even though some remain married, they do the minimum needed to prop up a false front. Oneness, as far as I can discern, is seldom achieved.

Wise women will not give up but stand firm to help husbands develop more vulnerability.

Incorrect teachings from the churches have demanded men take charge, even in spiritual areas. This weakens women. Furthermore, men’s masculinity is emphasized even though it is more of the feminine that is needed for husbands to correctly image Christ’s agape love. And the opposite is true for women. Wives must integrate more of the masculine within her femininity to become more trusting.

Remember that the masculine and feminine are not determiners of biological sexes but ways we interact with the world. Christian leaders do not understand the masculine and feminine traits of God and how these are to be balanced. The church’s teachings become part of the Machine that pits men against women and the masculine against the feminine. The Bible teaches the opposite, that men and women are to become one flesh and integrate the feminine within the masculine. This chart sums up these traits:

Masculine Traits	Feminine Traits	Balanced Traits
Order	Creation	Abundant Life
Justice	Mercy	Love or Trustworthy
Strength	Wisdom	Humility or Trusting

 

This begins in the individual and then flows into our marriages and then into our churches. Why is this so important? It is to be like Christ, to be a Christian, so we can fulfill our mission to reconcile the world. This is the only Way to unity.

Men must become trustworthy. Women must become trusting. While men are figuring out the how to become more trustworthy, after generations of teachings that despised the feminine traits of mercy, wisdom, and all that is involved in the messiness of creation, women must stay steadfast and encourage husbands, fathers, sons, church leaders and other men to become more Christ-like. The effectiveness of churches depends on the wisdom of women who build the house.

Maybe I can buy another Battleship game. My defective one landed in the garbage forty-three years ago after that disastrous game. Maybe we’re now ready to play again in this house we have built where Christ lives, where Carl has become more trustworthy and me more trusting.

May all of us learn to be more submissive and loving.

May it be so.

Amen.