Black Ink

Just a Little Something Something...

I never got to say goodbye,

The night you left this word,

I heard it through the bathroom door,

I was now a fatherless little girl.

My mind screamed so loud inside,

My eyes poured out with the tears I cried,

In Black Ink.

 

My body tingled inside and out,

With that first connection of body and soul,

The first time in so long,

I had ever felt truly whole.

My Heart sighed and you can bet,

That my body profusely sweat,

In Black Ink.

 

I sat so quietly there on those steps,

And watched as you casually left,

Everything we had behind,

To chase your life with her leaving me bereft,

My soul tore down the center leaving a scar,

That drained from the center of my heart, bleeding,

In Black Ink.

 

In Joy or sorrow,

Happiness or greif,

Weather I cry tears,

Sweat or bleed,

I do so in Black Ink,

Pages filled,

With all of this,

From excruciating pain,

To worlds of Bliss,

Written in Black Ink.

Just when I start to think,

There can not be anymore,

My pours, eyes and veins,

Once again start to pour,

Dripping Black Ink.

 

 

Author's Note

This is not at all edited and was written in like five minutes as I am sure my head was thinking faster than my hands we typing it will not be available to rate till editing is complete... though reviews are always welcome!

Reviews

[Adam Jordan Turner]

Ok this isn't one of my favorites. *Side note-did writers cafe change their font? This font looks different than before.* Anyway, yea, it's not one of my favorite. It had me wondering, through-out the beginning of the poem, what the significance of the black ink was. However it wasn't a good wondering, it was more of an annoying wondering. Like failed suspense. Then I got to where you actually talk about the black ink and it killed the entire poem for me. I felt it was too weak and too predictable, and not enough to justify all the repetition. Also It didn't actually answer the question, "why black ink?" I understand now that you wrote letters and such in black ink...but why black ink? Why did the little girl choose black ink? Maybe grief? Here's what I think, it's not very strong, it's great for a quick write, but for editing and exercise purposes, I would suggest taking the last stanza and placing it at the beginning, as a sort of prequel or intro to the poem, and then tell us a story. It's a very great idea, great subject to write on, but it could go so much further. Doesn't have to be much longer, it could be, but it doesn't have to be. I think you should make the readers feel a little more, I never felt anything for the author while reading, I was only concerned about wtf is up with the black ink. Maybe that's just me. But I think you should try that rearrangement and then tell a story. Tell why the little girl found her comfort in the black ink. Make me want to pick up a black pen every time I feel sad. It could go much further, but it's an ok start. Also some of the rhymes are very simple, " With all of this....to worlds of bliss" D minus for simple rhymes. Hahaha!

[Toni Prehoda Kahler]

I like raw writings, first words are so visceral and potent when untamed! The repeating phrase of "in black ink" carries the theme of writing for release throughout. I use words that way, too, and thank you for expressing your losses..... it's brave stuff.