Prologue

Prologue- Colorado Springs, CO- March 1, 2006

 

 

 

　

        Shallee Williams left work with a skip in her step and her soul flying high. Nick would be home in less than two hours and she couldn't stop the trip in her heart at the thought. One week apart. In all the five years they had been married they'd never been apart a full week. even when he worked in another state they had always managed to spend no more than 4 days completely seperate.

 

        She'd known the time away was much needed. They had moved two years ago far from her family, and his, to further his career and give her more opportunities. Since the move they had really only had eachother. People weren't as friendly in Colorado Springs as they were in their small home town in North Carolina. In henderson people waved to each other. When you grocery shopped you were more likely to run into your old babysitter or school techer than you were to see someone you didn't know. If you were a stranger in Henderson you weren't one for long. Colorado springs was full of strangers. Not that Lee had any problems making friends but Nick Williams was not as open and a much more reserved person than Lee was. He tended to be shy and withdrawn and people took this to mean that he was distant and uninerested. As a result of these assumptions Nick had trouble making friends and so spent most of his time working or with Lee.

 

        She had been extatic when some of his old friends From back home had planned this road trip, it meant nick would get some male companionship. She did not begrudge him this time and in fact had encouraged him to go almost to the point of pushing him out the door. The week for her had dragged though she spent hours at work or in the library at school, where she was taking the night classes needed to begin her career in the computer firm Nick worked at. Finals were this week and she even though she wasn't worried about passing them she spent alot of time studying to keep her mind off the quiet that had descended with nicks departure.

  

        Her mind back on the upcoming reunion she opened the door to her silver dodge sedan and climbed behind the wheel. Checking her reflection in the rear view mirrored she assured herself that the makup she had painstakingly applied framed her blue eyes to perfection, bringing out the saphire depths in them, and that her auburn hair was still artfully aranged to frame her oval face and accentuate her high cheeckbones. She approved her image started the car and headed for the airport.

 

        Though the trip had been an extended road trip it had started in salt lake city and so nick had flown out to meet the guys. She took the exit to the Denver airport and pulled up to his terminal. She was fifteen minutes early but wanted to be already at the gate when he arrived. She had important news and wanted to tell him so badly that she couldn't hold it in waiting for him to meet her outside. Whistling some sappy love tune she had heard on the radio during the drive she made her way through the tight security and seated herself in a chair to wait.

 

         As the plane arrived she stood pulling nervously as the hem of her t-shirt she felt like a school girl waiting for the first glimpse of her crush after a long summer. Finally she made him out in the crowd of exiting passengers and her heart once again tripped over itself. He was so handsome with his straight black hair in need of a trim snug jeans in leu of his usual slacks and a t-shirt instead of his standard button up shirt. He was dressed like a relaxed man on vacation should dress but she noticed that he seemed anything but relaxed.

 

          His walk was stiff his movements jerky and his face reflected pure agony. What had happened, she wondered, to make him seem so hurt and angry? Was he just tense after being cooped up with total strangers so long or had something happened on the trip to have him so tense? As she pondered this new turn of event she felt her own body stiffening in concordance with his and the exhilerated mood she had held onto all day slowly drifted away as if it had never exsisted.

 

         Just before the smile on Lee's lips drifted away Nick's eyes locked with hers and he offered a smile that barely curved his lips and never reached his eyes. He trudged toward her less like he was coming home to his wife and more like he was reluctantly headed to face a firing squad. Lee had a moment to wonder again about this unusual reaction and then he was there and she was wrapped in a stiff hug.

 

         "What happened babe?" she asked as she soaked in his turmoil. "Did you have a bad time, long flight?"

 

         "No, I had a good time. The flight wasn't bad." he replied.

 

         "Then whats wrong?" she insisted. She couldn't help sooth the mood that was slowly taking her over if she couldn't identify what had caused it. It happened this way any time he had any mood swing. If he was joyous or boisterous she couldn't stop herself from gliding right into that mood herself if he was angery his anger naturally became hers. She had learned to difuse his moods thats affected her by finding solutions to bad situations for him and calming him with carefully placed words and actions.

 

        "I have some news for you but I'd like to talk privatly if you don't mind." he said stiffly.

 

        "Ok," she agreed "lets head home. I have to be back in an hour for my final anyway. then we can spend the night together. maybe go to dinner?"

        "Maybe."

 

        Maybe? she thought. something really is bugging him. Nick was always the first person to suggest that she worked too hard and didn't need to spend time cooking. "Let's go out tonight babe." he'd say "You worked and had school you probably have homework let's give you a break and let someone else cook the food." For him to not readily agree something was seriously wrong.

 

        As they drove back to colorado springs the silence was deafining. It stretched between them creating the illusion of a distance that had been present in their lives together before and Shallee had a foroding feeling would never close as closely as it had ever been. Which is rediculous she chided herself he is just upset over something. It will pass as it always does. But for some undetermined reason she couldn't quite convince herself of that. Something was so completely off from the whole encounter that she couldn't name but didn't sit well with her.

 

        Lee decided it was time to bring out the joyous news that she had, it may help to ease the tension. "I got a call from mom the other day." she began. Nick seemed relieved to have a mundane topic introduced. his features relaxed and the small smile he flashed seemed more genuine. "what did the crazy old coot have to say this time?" he asked with all the affection he had for her mother coming through despite his rather unique endearments towards her.

 

        "Well," suddenly for some strange reason Lee was nervous. This was what they had wanted for a long time but something in her head was telling her to hold off. Ignoring the insight she pressed on. "She told me and I quote ' I have the most wonderful news honey.... I dreamed you died.'"

 

        His face drained of color and he abruptly turned a panicked face on her "How is that wonderful news?" he asked.

 

        "Thats what I asked her" she replied with a chuckle. "She said death dreams indicate births in real life if that can make any sense. Anyway she told me that seeing as how we had been trying so hard to get pregnant her dream was an indication we were doing something right. Anyway, she told me to get my a*s down to the nearest corner store for a pregnancy test, wouldn't let me off the damn phone till I agreed. She said that sure as she was standing I had a bun in the oven."

 

         "She couldn't possibly know that from a dream." He stated. Almost as if he was trying to convince himself it couldn't be possible.

 

        "See, now thats what I thought too" she said, warming to the subject. "But I went to the corner store and got the test anyway. just to make her happy cause you know how she is. Anyway When she called back thirty minutes I was sitting there staring at the plus sign on the test and dumfounded that for once mom's old superstitions seemed to prove correct." she was so so excited that she didn't notice the color draining from his face as she said the next words "We're gonna have a baby." She was so lost in her own excitement that she missed the tension seeping back into his body untill she heard his agonized groan.

        "Oh god." he said "Shallee, ... You're pregnant?" He didn't sound happy. She wondered why. They had visited countless doctors tried every trick in the book and even taken some of mom's superstitions into the bedroom just to reach this moment. He should be exstatic, instead he looked as if she had punched him in the gut.

 

        "Yes." she couldn't figure out why he was taking the joy out of this moment. Why was he taking what they had made and making it seem like a mistake. It wasn't a damned mistake it was years of planning and work and dreams come true. she thought as her anger grew. She had never been angry with him but this was something personally offensive to her and she couldn't help the note of tension in her voice or the words that slipped out before she could stop them. "Don't sound so damn happy about this Nick. I mean we only spent the last three years trying everything known to man to reach this point. It's not like we were hping for it."

        "I'm sorry Shallee, but dreams change."

        "What do you mean, dreams change? When did your dreams change? When did you suddenly decide you didn't want this? And when were you going to tell me? because if I recall correctly we spent a good many hours trying for this exact outcome in the days before you left. What has changed since then."

 

        "Oh, god." he groaned again. "There isn't an easy way to do this. is there? "

         "Do what nick?"

         "I want a divorce."

         The edges of Shallee's vision greyed. The rest of Nick's words faded into a distant whisper as her mind shut down. Not a thought would enter her mind, not a command would move her limbs, she saw nothing as the car swerved and crossed into the wrong lane. She heard nothing as the tanker truck blasted it's horn and Nick screamed out. She felt nothing as Nick gripped the wheel swerving the car too far in the wrong direction and careaning them into the nearby ditch. She didn't feel the glass shattering from the windshield and inbedding itself into her skin. She didn't notice the airbag slamming her back into the seat. She didn't feel the piece of shattered dash lodge itself into her abdomen. She didn't register Nick's agonized whisper of "God, help me I am so sorry, Shallee I am sorry please don't die." She did However welcome the darkness that engulfed her.

**********

 

        "Don't you dare say things like that Angel!" Shallee heard her mothers furious whisper. Somthing seemed odd about hearing it but for the life of her she couldn't figure out what was strange. "You know when you utter words you are telling the universe to bring them about. And I swear to you Angel if you bring that about I'll not forgive you any time soon."

        "I was only asking mom." To hear angel's tortured voice carrying to her was even stranger. Angel lived in New York and hadn't found time with her succesful career to visit in while. She didn't remember that either of them were coming to visit. Come to think of it Lee didn't remember them getting there. She laid there a minute with her eyes closed trying to bring their arrival to her mind but she couldn't. The last thing she remembered.... As it came flooding back she let out a groan and let the darkness engulf her again.

***********

 

 

Colorado Springs, CO March 7, 2006

 

 

         Shallee was still tired she didn't want to wake up but there was a beeping in her ear that wouldn't stop. Someone was shuffling back and forth down the hall outside her room and the noise of heels on tile was mixing with the beeping driving her slowly mad. As hard as she tried she couldn't block it out. It was worse than an alarm clock in it's ability to annoy.

 

        The beeping picked up pace as memories came flooding into her brain. Almost as if the beep was signifying her growing panic. She tried to will the darkness that had cloaked her the last time to come back and take her away from her thoughts. All her will however couldn't bring her welcome friend back to take her away. The beeping intesified as the clacking of the heels suddenly stopped then picked up pace and came closer. Shallee winced as the door to the room opened banishing the dark atmosphere with over-bright floresent light from the hallway. She had a breif moment to wonder where the hell she was before her mother rushed into the room and, seeing her panicked expression, ran in her three inch heels to shallee's side taking her hand and whispered over and over "Shallee, Thank God you're awake."

 

        "You don't believe in God." Was that her voice. She'd meant to stop her mothers repetive whispers and make light of the concern in her mothers eyes but the hoarse whisper that came out was anything but familiar. It sounded as if she had laringytus and bared no resembalance to her usual bubbling speech.

        "I may have to reconsider." her mother replied. "Let me get the doctor. Be right back baby."

 

        Before Shallee had the chance to question any of those statements her mother had rushed back out into the halway her usual hurried pace seeming more urgent and her voice almost squeaking as she called for a nurse.

 

        Her mothers voice had barely started to fade down the hall when a familiar figure blocked the light in the hall. Lee looked up and was over whelmed by the changes in him. Nick's eyes were shadowed as if he hadn't slept. His clothes were hanging off his tall frame and she noticed he'd lost considerable weight. There was a bandage covering his temple and another below the left sleeve of his shirt. A cast encased his right wrist and he seemed to be favoring his right leg. The look on his face was a man tortured by guilt and she felt a tugging to comfort him quickly followed by a stab of pain and accusation because the hurt in her heart was after all his fault.

 

        He stood in the doorway not moving toward her and not speaking almost as if he was waiting for a signal from her. "What," she croaked. It hurt to speak. She cleared her throat and tried again. "What... happened?"

 

        His shoulders visibly slumped as he took a step into the room still standing just inside not trying to move closer. His voice cracked as he said "I'm so sorry Shallee." He didn't get the chance to say any more as Arlene Jones and man in a white coat rushed into the room. She assumed the man with grey temples surrounded by pitch black hair over kind grey eyes was the doctor her mother had gone to notify. Nick took a step back as the man approached her with his stethascope at the ready.

 

        "I'm doctor Greene." he said as he moved closer. "I'm just going to take a listen real fast. " and he place the cold metal ring to the center of her chest as he continued speaking. "Can you tell me your name?"

 

        "Shallee." she answered automatically.

 

        "How do you feel, Shallee?" She hadn't really thought about that since waking up so she took the time to inventory her physical condition. She didn't think the doctor was asking about the hole in her soul so she ruthlessly discounted that pain in her evaluation. As she mentally investigated her physical condition she was mildly shocked by what she found.

 

        "I feel as though I have been hit by a truck" She quipped. Though the more she thought about it the more she realized this was no joke. She really did feel as if something had run her over. The wasn't a place on her body that wasn't in agonizing pain. "Oh man, ... I really do." What the hell had happened. She racked her brain but no memory would come beyong the one memory she didn't want to remember. Those four words that changed everything and after Nick's statement.... nothing. Not a flash, not a misty thought, nothing. As she tried harder she vauguely recalled hearing her sisters voice with her mothers at some point. That was all she could drag from her brain however. "What.... Happened?" she asked again. At her hoarse question the three other occupants of the room glanced at each other as if they were trying to determine what to tell her.

 

        "You don't remember?" Nick asked, unable to hide the hopeful tone in his voice. As Arlene raised her brows at he son in law his hopeful expression faded into dejected sulleness.

 

        "You had an accident." Dr. Green stated. He seemed oblivious to the silent communication happening between her mother and husband. Shallee was not oblivious however and gave her mother a pointed look asking again. "What happened?"

 

        Arlene gave her a comforting look grabbed her hand and sat in the amazingly uncomfortable looking chair next to her bed. "You were in a car accident baby. You were on your way home from picking up Nick. It was about five minutes outside of colorado springs. Something happened to cause you to cross into the wrong lane. You got clipped by a semi truck and went into a ditch." Arlenes voice faded away as clips of the scene she described came into her mind. Automaticaly her hand went to her abdomen where she vaguely remembered a sharp pain as something pierced it. Tears silently slipped from her eyes as everything became less important that the one piece of information her mother had not supplied.

 

         "How is the baby?" she asked the doctor though she had a feeling she already knew. The look her mother was sending the doctor was silently begging him to be gentle which could only mean one thing.

 

         "I am so sorry to tell you the baby didn't make it." Shallee's world crashed around her. The feeling left her body, the pain she had so recently recognised fading into the background with the intensity of this new pain that had nothing to do with physical injuries. Dimly she heard the doctor continue to explain how the plastic from the dash had dug in too deep killing the fetus and damaging her reproductive organs.The tears that had been falling steadily increased in intensity as he explained that the internal bleading couldn't be stopped and they'd had to preform an emergency hysterectomy. There would be no babies in her future.

 

        Dimly Shallee realized that everything she had wrapped her entire life around was no longer valid. The love of her life wanted a divorce and the babies they were supposed to make would never come. Everything she had focused all of her energy into would never be. She wondered what she would do now that every goal and every focus she'd had every day since she was eighteen years old was gone.

Author's Note

Please be brutal.....
I am serious. I can take it.