THE OCEAN

knots and weaves

windward gales quickly deceive

ever moving the undertow

constant curves dip in the winds and below

blowing off the waters deep

leaving a mist so sweet

hand to cheek

blue waters press further

possessed by the wind

willful turbines stay in sync completing the cycle

shaping and sculpting the swells

creating an undertow struggling to be free

choose to swallow in pleasure

choose to wallow with the pain

an answer returns with demand

beating fists upon the sand

the wind answers back with violent command

to the tides, to the swells, to the surges, hit the rip current

so powerful, so aggressive, she intimidates

all to catch the craze

ocean, she see's and waves

man is met

sized and weighed

Terry D’Arcy-Ryan

Reviews

[ElizaB]

Hello :)

The metaphors and similes entwined with sailing that you included were very clever! In particular I enjoyed your narrators shadow that consisted of knots and weaves. I think, had you stuck with this theme it would have created a sense of direction for this piece and provided stability, as I found the other metaphors such as the tree and the wind turbine seemed out of place (however, this is only my opinion) and make the piece unsure of itself.

Your language is beautiful, the description and your sentences flow really well together, much like the sea :)

Thank you for entering my contest.
ELiza

[TerryDarcy-Ryan akaSheerTerror]

Eliza,
Editing is not always my strong suit. My son often edits my writing when he has time and it is just as you pointed out a segregation or a group that does not flow as the rest of the piece. I do appreciate your review I did not see that the intro hindered the flow. It is much better now, thank you

Sheer Terror