BUTTERFLIES

I could no longer stand

So there I sat, holding Sleeping Beauty’s hand

Mortal combat on the edge of an Abyss

Protesting the Fate of Forever’s visit               

If only it were simple as True Loves kiss

Death played in her eyes as the lullabye sings

Her face the place of sweet baby sleep

Tears blur my vision altering the scene

I’m Holding her hand on a sandy shore  

We chase the tide’s away for evermore      

Strands of golden hair fall all around

Unruly and out of place emulate this marvel

The sight of a crowned angel

One last strand falls through my fingers

This is the last time she will feel this tender

Never to hold again my daughter, my friend

A charming forever Sleeping Beauty begins

Happily ever after turn for torn pages in ruin

Ripped  from the center of a fairy tale frayed

Expectations of The End has lead us astray

Pages slowly fall with a mother’s mercy

Ripped chapters taken in the wind avoid the ground

lifting off with momentum in a flight horizon bound

winds stream them high into the sky

Exaggerated graceful movements, fluttering like a butterfly

This cannot be the end, Butterflies fly high to the divine

A long line of exotic wings trim the skyline

Intently I keep watch as they climb blue origins

I struggle not to blink or let the picture fall behind

Bright shapes flutter along the visible horizon

Wings fall from my eyes, their beauty beating vibrant

These flickers are engraved behind my sight

Now, An old Story Book reads like a vacant light

The bright Star that is the Sun gives up fight to stay bright

A Day is done and darkness reaches for the Night

                        

Author's Note

Life is hard, painful, unpredictable, unjust, ugly, beautiful, rewarding, happy, adventurous and always changing, twisting, turning into my journey. This is the saddest and most painful thing life has ever dealt me. My Daughter Natalie Died in 2012 of an overdose. For the longest time I sat holding her hand in disbelief. Eventually the Sun left us there in the dark. The stages of grief for me are uncountable. It may be that I am stubborn and it is a hard thing to let go of a Love so great that you would give your very life for it. When this grief was new I could not speak her name without wanting to die myself. Despite what they say about time heals all wounds, they are wrong. Time moves us further and you adapt. Now, I celebrate her as I should Natalie was my heart and the world itself was black and white until she arrived. As Dorothy stepped out of her house into munchin kin land and color was defined. Natalie, defined color for me. As all my children are different they are all this significant. Each was sent to me with something I lacked.
When someone dies of an overdose of drugs the closest people to them are left in torment. Always having the idea this could have been avoided or we take the blame somehow this my fault. Survivor guilt is a burden and an impossible thing to free yourself from. No matter how many ways You are told this is not your fault you carry the weight. As any other object you carry daily this burden, I will always carry.
If you are still reading I thank you and God Bless

Natalie, for defining color in my once black and white world these butterfly's are for you.

Reviews

[Harley Quinn]

Wow, This is truly beautiful writing.

[TerryDarcy-Ryan akaSheerTerror]

Snow Angel, I am thrilled that you found beauty here this piece as you can see cuts deep. Whenever I see or read this piece again I feel like I stepped off a rollercoaster. Thank you for taking the time to read and review my work.

Sheer Terror

[Michael S]

Wonderful Terry. The content is so heart rending and beautiful. Pain that comes when our loved ones leave us is really tormenting but life keeps going no matter how painful it may get one has to continue the process called living. That's the tragedy of the life. Live for the other people who love you, live for yourself to be able to recall those old memories of your love for your daughter even if living feels harsh.
After death person is still alive somewhere in the universe....those beautiful images of butterflies gave me a feeling of freedom....after death one can feel the freedom of souls from bondage and they get scattered somewhere in those stars, night light and sunny rays too...darkness is dark but hidden in it is the hope of seeing the very nature of light.
A very moving tribute you wrote, Terry.
I hope you got rid of your survivors guilt and are able to cope up well with the life.

[TerryDarcy-Ryan akaSheerTerror]

Michael you are right my life story will eventually be told through these poems. I never realized that was something I would do but I have alot more to post time is always an issue. At present I have an abundance of Love that anchors me in this world for a little longer. My writes are the past and away of letting go. Everyone of them represents freedom a little more with each one. I have 3 other children and 5 grand children they are my pride. The poem "The View" is about letting go of some of the pain and seeing the current view my Natalie's children my grandchildren. When i look in their eyes I believe she remains with us. When writing this I pictured a butterfly for every tear I shed and that is when I felt a little lighter. Thank you and God Bless

Sheer Terror

[Coyote Poetry]

A powerful write shared my friend. You are right. life teaches us many things. I like how you used the butterflies and the artwork. The meaning of your words came alive to the reader. Thank you for sharing your amazing poetry.
Coyote

[TheUnrulyWriter]

It was painful to read, but even so, I know that I can never fully understand the pain you felt that moved you to write this piece. The metaphors you used were very unique as well. I didn't expect the butterflies to be your tears, but I really like it. Tears are sad and painful, but butterflies are beautiful and pure. I may be interpreting this wrong, but it seems like the sadness was beautiful in the sense that it was also love for your daughter, and that's why the tears became butterflies.

[Re-Pete]

truly beautiful. so, so beautiful. a fabulous, moving tribute. laid out so nicely. love those butterflies. i am saddened but remain hopeful for tomorrow. new days bring new changes & challenges. no good thing ever dies. there is only love ...

[TerryDarcy-Ryan akaSheerTerror]

Pete, you are right there is only Love. I tell my other children all the time I have the secret of the universe right here in my heart.
Thank You and God Bless

Sheer Terror

[Manasa.L]

Your words show a father's grief for her gone daughter. This is something we cannot tell anything about. Truly madly loved your writing. It is perfect, more than perfect. A father's pain, his loss, for years those tears which were hidden away has been brought out in these lines. Very touching. Thanks for sharing. I loved and enjoyed the time of reading it.

[TerryDarcy-Ryan akaSheerTerror]

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review. What a very spectacular review, you Rock !

Sheer Terror

[wordman]

it is laid out perfect,the poem is really great
i enjoyed the read