Dear father.

It’s about a love for a dad turned into something more sad and sinister.

Dear Daddy,

I’ve loved you since the day we met, kicking you in the head my mom said was my favorite thing.

I’ve loved you since the day I could remember you, playing with me, reading to me, pretending to be piglet, always got a giggle.

I’ve loved you even when you came home a little grumpy from work we’d always laugh it out over big goofy smiles!

I’ve loved you even as a kid because you were there waiting for me to clean my scraped my knees and tell me you are okay.

I’ve loved you to the moon and back as we ran through the stars in my dreams flying through the sea almost like running with fish.

I’ve loved you with all my little heart could giving you everything you asked for as much as I possibly could staying up nights upon nights making you your Father’s Day present.

I’ve loved you every step in my journey and you were always there to catch when I was about to fall. Always.

I’ve loved you from every place I would go hoping to see your face in the crowd with gleaming excitement almost hoping out of my seat with eagerness.

I’ve loved you as a teenager telling you my drama and listening to yours always here to listen and bounce abstract ideas off of you.

I’ve loved you even as a young adult staring into the abyss of the world, teetering on the edge you would hold my collar to make sure I didn’t fall.

I’ve loved you because every time I would mess up you would tell me it would be okay and we will fix it.

I’ve loved you since the day we met, but the day we met, I was wrong to love you. I was wrong to even say those words to you. All it has done to me is ruin me.

You ruined who I am because when I would try to get you to play with me you’d shrug me off until I was sad and hopeless.

You ruined who I am because when smiles didn’t get you to laugh I’d ask what’s wrong and in your loud booming voice you’d say “it’s none of your business.”

You ruined who I am because when I said it hurts after scrapping my knees you’d tell me I was weak and all I do is complain instead of listening to me, now look at me I have a jacked up right leg.. your fault.

You ruined who I am because when I got older and I would dream about you they were all nightmares, not a single dream with you in it since I was old enough to feel your hate has it been, a good dream.

You ruined who I am because when I gave you those presents you’d throw them away without even considering how hard I worked on it, telling me it is a waste of my time and I should be studying, as a seven year old.

You ruined who I am because when you said you’d always, ALWAYS, be there yet when I needed you most I found you on your phone ignoring me saying it’s not a big deal. Telling me depression isn’t a thing and I shouldn’t think I like girls because it’s wrong.

You ruined who I am because when I thought I would see you… you weren’t there, even when you promise with all your heart you always had an excuse.

You ruined who I am because when I would say my day was bad you would tell me how much worse your day was telling me that my problems don’t matter and that they aren’t important compared to yours.

You ruined who I am because when you said you had ahold of my collar you really had a steel grasp around my heart making sure I could not feel around you as if you are the keeper of my emotions and they only obey to what you want them to be.

You ruined who I am because when we were supposed to fix things I just got yelled and screamed at over and over making me feel small and never wanting to do anything ever.

You’ve ruined who I could have potentially been because of your selfish need to always have everyone’s views on you.

You’ve ruined my chances at being a strong women because I am afraid of men. Afraid they will get mad and beat me or yell at me make me feel small and dumb. Make me feel useless.

You’ve ruined me because you’re the main reason I think about jumping off the high bridge, tying a noose, storming drugs I can overdose on, or hoarding razor blades hiding them from sight.

You’ve ruined me because you teach me things by the way you use them. You try and tell me to be one way yet you act the way you don’t want me to act. And that’s on you.

I’ve loved you until now, until I realized what YOU have done to me. You have made me into a monster I can’t even bare. I can’t even look in the mirror to tell myself I’m great because of YOU. You are the reason I am this way, you should be yelling at yourself and not at the monster YOU created.

Realize, one of these times, I will have the strength to take up the deal with death and release myself from your reign.

Love,
Your Daughter.

Author's Note

I would like all criticism. I want to become a better writer!

Reviews

[Fluffyy]

Beautifully written! The way you put things together is very interesting, and the words you used are very strong and powerful. Well done! I look forward to seeing more of your works.