She Walks In Beauty, Barefood And Bluejeans (Pantoum)

 

She walks in beauty barefoot and blue jeans,

on top the boardwalk down near the shore.

Her lips dew kissed and morning sun on rise,

with long and black flowing hair near to hips.

 

On top the boardwalk down near the shore,

in tranquil moments when the gulls awake,

with long and black flowing hair near to hips,

as tides ebb and then flow outward again.

 

In tranquil moments when the gulls awake,

he watches her and hopes she'd notice him,

as tides ebb and then flow outward again,

her loveliness melts his heart he wants more.

 

He watches her and hopes she'd notice him,

her lips dew kissed and morning sun on rise.

Her loveliness melts his heart, he wants more,

she walks in beauty barefoot and blue jeans!

Author's Note

Inspired by Lord Byrons, She Walks In Beauty

Reviews

[Trigorin]

Well, your inspiration is very obvious in your execution. I'm not sure whether that's a good thing or not - there are some people who'd say that you're just cribbing from Byron and that you haven't really done anything yourself. I think you might want to rein that in a little, perhaps - keep the first and last stanzas in that style, for instance, and fill in the middle with your own, just to make it more identifiably yours.

[SheWolfNLust]

the middle was my own, I only used four words from byrons poem, those were she walks in beauty, the rest I did my best to use my own, it was a try though as byron is my all time favorite poem, I don't even think I did him justise here, but it was a fun try, I do value your opinion so much and thanks you kindly for stopping by, mostly I write my own works inspire by pictures or things that happened in my life, my own personal feelings, an how I will have to stop by and read you, maybe in time I'll refine this even more, smiles

[Tate Morgan]

You know this reminds me of the quiet moments i interpret from one of my favorite poets Sara teasedale

[An owl on the moon]

I could feel the rhythm of Byron here.. the vocal beauty that flows through your words.. that brings her alive and makes her feel enchanted in every way.