Isolated

A shimmering light

On the dark navy hue

Resting, so peaceful

On a blanket of blue

It stands out; a jewel

In a valley of ash

A twinkling eye

A blazing flash

Illuminating the earth

And whatever's below

Basking in the glory

Of it's crystal glow

And then it falls

Out of the night

Leaving an incandescent trail

Of starry delight

Whispered wishes

Echo into the air

A responsibility so great

But the star doesn't care

It plummets to its death

A harrowing fate

Plunging into a darkness

A murk that awaits

It's glossy blaze burns out

Cast from all it's ever known

Banished from a stunning dimension

Isolated and alone

Author's Note

Any feed back would be great but I'd really like to know how I can improve this. Thanks so much for reading! :)

PS. This poem took me soo long to write. About half an hour. :P Normally I finish them in less than half that time.

Reviews

[Distant horizons]

I think this is beautifully creative, excellent flow and descriptive piece.

[BLBrown]

I think that you have a good start here and it is good that you are taking more time and care with your poetry. I think the rhyme works well without interrupting the flow. This is highly descriptive...I can see that star that shoots across the sky to impending death.

You may consider working on the structure a bit, using the same number of syllables for each line to improve the overall flow and cadence. Be sure not to lose your intent when you do this - but still this is a valuable exercise. For example:

Modify your original:

Illuminating the earth
And whatever's below
Basking in the glory
Of it's crystal glow

To 7 syllables on each line:

Illuminating the earth
And what ever lies below
Basking in shining glory
Gifted with crystalline glow

It is fun to play around with this and still achieve a better result. Also, I would say, "Murkiness," instead of "A murk..." And I would lose the semi-colon and us a comma.

Good job and keep at it!!

[She of Three Personalit..]

Very well written! I really like it!!