this is beautiful and mysterious! i enjoy this so much. i do feel that last line of the third stanza interrupts the otherwise meticulous meter and rhythm of the piece. overall, incredible!
Wonderful. I love the repetition of "she captivates you." Clever. For flow purposes you might consider starting the last line of all the stanzas with "ing" on the end. So you use the four words: shrouded, chanting, hands and whispering. So maybe change shrouded to "shrouding you in purple haze." And then instead of "hands" say "handing you the keys." Just some thoughts. Good work.
oh my gosh, this is amazing. it flows very well and i love the discriptive words to portray a beautiful, mysterious girl. i love it, great work :)
-Mariah
Well I was gonna comment how spellbinding this was but I thought that might be cheating :-)
Great flow to this. uhm, what's the word? A word that I forget that means smooth and graceful, like elegant, but not elegant. I'll go shut up now :-)
I wish there was a single moment in my life that summed up who I am. Just a short snippet of time that I could copy and paste here so I didn't have to rack my mind for something to say. But I kind of .. more..