Hallucinogenic Reactions

A poem.

He told his father once

of the darkness in his mind

and once his father told him

that it would be all right.

He told his father again

of the darkness in his mind

and again his father told him

that it would be all right.

He told his father later

of the darkness in his mind

and to this his father replied

all will work out fine.

But his sister overheard

the darkness in his mind

and she told him that their father

had only told a lie.

And this thought grew

the darkness in his mind

and he kept it to himself

but again the darkness bred.

His father never asked

about the darkness in his mind

as he thought himself correct:

that the darkness had passed.

But passed it didn’t

that darkness in his mind

and soon it overwhelmed

and his mind devoured itself.

For that is what happens

to those with growing darkness

in their minds.

They lose themselves

and drown in the darkness

of their minds.

And then their fathers cry

when they don’t understand

what they did wrong.

And then their sisters cry

because they know exactly

what they did wrong.

And then the darkness spreads

to their fathers and sisters:

a growing infestation

of the mind.

Author's Note

I haven't been on for quite a while. I hope you'll take from this what you will. Please leave a comment below and tell me what you liked and maybe what you think could be made better, or what sucked. That's cool too. :)

Reviews

[Patricia Williams]

I liked the flow, but this stanza threw me off:
"And this thought grew
the darkness in his mind
and he kept it to himself
but again the darkness bred."
The last line is a bit too long I think. May be just "again the darkness bred."
I don't know. I seem to be the only one bothered by this; change if you wish.
Overall, I liked this. There are quite a few dark poems on this website, but very few that are written to this standard.

I agree with whoever said that it was like a mantra; that is the exact word for it. Absolutely beautiful, in an odd creepy sort of way. :)
Keep writing! :)

[Rob Santana]

What creepy piece. I enjoyed it.

[SheActsLikeSummer]

Thanks.

[Lily Mae]

The darkness of depression feels like a wave moving over you feeding off all of your energy... that last stanza is perfect..xo

[SheActsLikeSummer]

Thank you so much. It means a lot.

[Leslie Philibert]

This is very good, the structure gives it the quality of a song or mantra, very well written. Just one small point, I would use overheard and delete of in the fourth verse. Apart from that - perfect !

[SheActsLikeSummer]

Thank you. And yeah, I'l fix that. It's really appreciated. :)

[Skye]

I see this as a depression. Beautifully expressed but just the right amount of solemn wording. I wouldn't change a thing. Its glad to have you back!

[SheActsLikeSummer]

Thanks so much. I'm really glad you liked it. :)