As an Angel, there are three rules we must live by:
1. Never harm another living creature (without good reason
of course and Fallen do not count.)
2. Use your magic only for good.
And most importantly...
3. All types of relationships with a Fallen are FORBIDDEN.
These rules have been in place for centuries. It is an
Angel's duty to protect the earth and so we live by one simple motto 'We are
the Order out of Chaos.'
So I like this, but I don't know if it reads well as an introduction.
It kind of reminds of a narration a character might do in the beginning of a movie, which is cool. You're setting up the rules of this world you built, and I appreciate that.
But the best type of world building is incorporated in the text.
For an example, they can be mentioned by another character, "You're breaking the second rule--Use magic only for good..." when a character uses magic to do something they're not suppose to be doing.
Anyway. Having rules like this are a great idea, because it is an easy way of creating conflict. The obvious conflict that someone will break the rules at one point.
It kind of remind me of the rules in Harry Potter. I don't really remember what the rules where (it's been a while), but they were established early in the nooks, and mentioned throughout the text of having consequences. I think one of them was using magic outside of Hogwarts means you could be expelled.
So I like this, but I don't know if it reads well as an introduction.
It kind of reminds of a narration a character might do in the beginning of a movie, which is cool. You're setting up the rules of this world you built, and I appreciate that.
But the best type of world building is incorporated in the text.
For an example, they can be mentioned by another character, "You're breaking the second rule--Use magic only for good..." when a character uses magic to do something they're not suppose to be doing.
Anyway. Having rules like this are a great idea, because it is an easy way of creating conflict. The obvious conflict that someone will break the rules at one point.
It kind of remind me of the rules in Harry Potter. I don't really remember what the rules where (it's been a while), but they were established early in the nooks, and mentioned throughout the text of having consequences. I think one of them was using magic outside of Hogwarts means you could be expelled.
Dump this. It tells the reader nothing they don't learn by action and conversation in the story. All it accomplishes is to delay the arrival if the story, In the words of James H. Schmitz, “Don’t inflict the reader with irrelevant background material—get on with the story.”
Posted 7 Years Ago
7 Years Ago
What if I turned it into a blurb?
7 Years Ago
The goal of a blurb is to make the reader want to turn to page one, not tell them about the story-li.. read moreThe goal of a blurb is to make the reader want to turn to page one, not tell them about the story-line.
And in reality, with this you tell the reader what's going to happen in the story. Your protagonist is going to break the rules, probably including falling for a fallen. So, given that I know it's going to turn out okay, and what's going to happen, have you enticed me or taken away part of the reason to read?