Short man cuckoo'd

Banged

Scratch

In boat box

Stand

Ouch !

The context

of living in 

a smaller place

than me

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Frankly, I'm not completely taken away with this poem. There are some fresh original things going on which I admire. But overall, it feels disjointed. In the first stanza, you show instead of tell. But then in the second stanza, you tell instead of show. I would've preferred if you continued showing instead of telling & letting the reader guess what this was all about. When you lead a reader to your desired understanding, you might miss a completely different reading some reader may have & share. For example, this could be about how it feels to be a perfectionist, being hemmed in becuz you're afraid to branch out & take risk & possibly fall on your face. The second stanza only needs a tiny adjustment to be more "show" (ex: Too-tight boundaries chafe my skin and raise my hackles -- something like this allows the reader to take this "hemmed in" feeling any number of different ways. Always try to let your words expand in the reader's mind, instead of trying to control how they interpret your words (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[gram linski]

Wow you sound like my old English teacher, no bad thing, she inspired me to write, didn't think just wrote the poem down, lol, cheers
gram

[John Alexander McFadyen]

I think you know how to intrgue or perhaps tease the reader somewhat. I was left feeling the protagonist felt hemmed in rather than constrained by a small living space? The opening stanza is enegmatic and leaves the reader trying to visualise.

[Shazbatt969]

"And so we meet again, my friend , two blank page problems staring over a pint or two", lol, the situation (unexplained) did indeed hem the protagonist in, but the boat was f*****g small, will do a review of you and yours at wkend, and will be ignored by most,lol

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Indeedykins we do. Blank pages and beer seems a stimulant for another poem me thinks. Race ya to it fella!

[Shazbatt969]

The blank w***e of poetry
The blank page wank
the whisky vomit speak
dead trees and ink
smeared smudged
expunged
bile tainted haiku

[John Alexander McFadyen]

http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/Passion8/2113703/