Cyfrine and Keydric

I'll finish this later, promise. :)

"Settle down, you two, and I'll tell you a story," Celfrica murmered to her pups.

     She lowered her head and drew her tongue over her childrens' mottled pelts. The two wriggling youths tumbled over eachother, locked in a play wrestle match. Celfrica let loose a raspy chuckle as she watched her pups, pride swelling in her chest.

     "Before I was born, there was a wolf named Aphosis who lived in these woods. He was the largest wolf this forest had ever seen, his fur a brilliant, snowy white," she paused momentarily, considering how to continue the story. Her daugher Verix now sat still, gazing at Celfrica attentively.

     "Aphosis was an astounding warrior, and he soon became known throughout the woodland. His mate was a wolf by the name of Cyfrine. She too was a fair fighter, and never lost a battle in all her time. Cyfrine bore a single pup with Aphosis, and they named him Adelric."

      "Momma, Canden is biting my tail!" Cried Verix, who was swatting at her brother's muzzle with one paw. Sure enough, Canded had his teeth latched firmly in his sister's tail.

"Canded, unhand your sister. Do you want to hear the story, or not?"

     Faced with the decision, Canded released Verix's tail immediately. Verix huffed indignantly, shouldering her brother lightly.

"As I was saying, they had a son named Adelric. At the age of two years old, Adelric was killed by another wolf. His murdered was a male named Keydric. Keydric attacked him because he had heard of how skilled Adelric's parents were."

     "Mommy, why didn't Cyfrine or Aphosis stop him?" Canded asked.

    "Adelric had been out alone, hunting. He was old enough to be out by himself, not like you two," Celfrica teased. "Keydric ambushed him, and killed Adelric before he had a chance to defend himself. When their son didn't return, Cyfrine and Aphosis went out searching for him."

     Verix's ears flitted back against her head, her hazel eyes wide with anticipation.

    "Cyfrine found his body, and picked up Keydric's scent on her son's body. She tracked the scent trail for a long while before she came across a pack that knew who she was looking for. They told her his name, and informed her that he was the best fighter around for miles. Naturally, Cyfrine set off once more to find her son's murderer. Eventually, she caught up to him, and killed him in a fury of revenge."

     Canded was staring up at his mother, transfixed by the story she was telling. When she paused, Canded rocked forwards on his haunches, egging her on.

     "When Keydric's body was discovered by a nearby pack, it was clear what had happened. But by then, Cyfrine was back in her territory with Aphosis. She was never punished for her actions."  

Reviews

[Dragon]

This is really good so far. Go ahead and finish this because i would really like to read more.

[Brad Dennison]

You definitely need to finish this. You are a good writer, with a natural way with words and paragraph structure. One extremely important thing is that you let the story tell itself. You don't get yourself all bogged down trying to write colorful prose. This is something even many bestselling writers don't seem to know how to do, and you make it seem easy.

My advice, for what it's worth: Keep writing. Don't let well-meaning friends or family or even school-teachers discourage you. You're a natural at this, and the world needs more good writers.