Chapters 1-3: In The Beginning

I am working on chapter advice and critique is appreciated.

The awakening

By Shawn O'Brien

Prelude

Post Second Great War The Capital New Berlin is a dying industrial city with large black smoke pouring into the air. Health conditions uncared for by the new leader, its just another reason for a democratic revolution. The invasion left the Old Land utterly dismantled, nothing but rumble and new found slaves for the Nazi forces to use. Their sights for the Old Land’s new future started with rebuilding government and making a powerful industrial force. But the last resistance pushed back with what they had, killing and destroying anything within their grasps bearing a Nazi symbol. Unfortunately, unlike their silent and deadly predecessors the current resistance stood up with a voice and crashed to the fiery ground, leaving nothing but despair for the Lessers left. The fleeing lesser resistance took shelter in the mountains of the west their natural barrier between them and definite death. This was but 50 years ago.

It’s time has come, the Greaters occupy every police station in the old land harshly beating those not going to work in the factories of James Carter. James Carter is a ruthless business man with ties to the Leader himself but unlike a normal business man, Carter has particular hobbies such as genetic engineering and weapon designing, combining his little known talents and his business skills he created his weapon line, Carters “Genrifles”. With these genetic discoveries a new revolutionary idea occurred why not take the lesser as test subjects for these new weapons. The ones who survived were either badly mutated or had changed forms completely into a being indescribable with words. These creatures were called Lurkers, the Nazis figured why not use these monsters to wreak havoc in old land cities like San Francisco or Los Angeles. Their plan back fired, these creatures were released into the Rockies to kill all enemy soldiers hidden in the mountains, But the Nazi leaders did not think it through the monsters killed those they saw first german soldiers, stalkers followed the fleeing German forces killing almost entire regimes. Coming in waves and attacking the cities that were reborn in the reconstruction. The Nazi forces did little to prevent the spread of the creatures, the Lurkers lead to half the cities being infected within a year. The Germans had fortresses in the mountains of the east which kept the stalkers out for some 30 long years until 1987. The first city affected east of these fortresses was New Berlin, the Old Berlin district was the first district in New Berlin to be infested by the stalkers. The only thing standing between the Lurkers and the other half of the City is the Nazi built Carter Wall.

Only the Greaters occupy New Berlin’s charter districts, these are only districts left in New Berlin not infected with Lurkers. The charter districts are filled with new technology and great riches but that’s not all these districts house, they also house Carter’s Genetic weapons factories. The only people allowed through the Carter Wall are his new slaves until sundown when they are forced back out into the rubble and filth. The chains of oppression squeeze down on the necks of all the people in Old Berlin and it’s time for a self proclaimed hero to arise. The last hope for mankind and the lessers lies within a hero who awaits his fate.

Chapter 1

It had been one long winter. The winter didn’t start at as early as it did the year before, but it being 20 below never helped anyone except the Lurkers. “Samuel, Samuel wake up its time for us to move out” says James from across the room. “Lurkers aren’t going to wake you up before they rip you apart”. Smirking James takes his knife and cuts open a hole in the ash covering a concealed doorway. Silently you take your pistol off the table nearby and follow James through. The rooms in this building are covered in a grayish ash only disturbed by two sets of small circular tracks. Turning you peer through a ash covered window only to find what you expected silence and darkness from whats left of the streets. A cry for help emerges from behind you, James is he sliding along the floor feet first grabbed by his ankle. You run to save his ally diving over and under several broken walls only to find yourself face to face with a hulking lurker pulling your ally through another half broken wall. You try firing but there is only a faint click. You throw your empty gun straight at the lurker before lunging with your blade stabbing it in the throat. James gets up but his leg is badly cut up. Both of you push forward looking for any supplies and ammo to get to the next stronghold. Breaking through several half broken doors Sam nearly falls into a collapsed section of the building. A fire burns below which provides an eerie red glow to the alreaady distressing silence. You notice a green carters genpistol dangling from a broken metal rod about a story up across the fiery ravine. James notices a fallen piece of concrete and both of you ascend. The heat of the flames can be felt on the bottom of your feet as you push across the beam. The second your off that fallen concrete death trap you notice its way too quiet even with the flickering fire below the room is dark almost enough to make a man hysterical. Turning on your helmet’s light you push through the ash covered floor, the silence around you is only interrupted by the familiar sounds of gunfire throughout the fallen city. Last thing a person wants to do is fight a lurker in the dark with no ammo. Suddenly voices enter the background noise, germans breaching rooms below, they are only visible through a broken section in the floor. Turning off your small round head lamps to hide, the only sounds you hear after the crack of the door below you is the muffled sound of slashing and faint gasps of life leaving the soldiers. Something was wrong with the sounds if a regular lurker was down there, there would have been gunfire but not a single round leaped into the air. Silence filled the air once more turning your lights back on you head towards the spot near the flames where you saw the pistol the only light is from your helmet and the flames a couple story below the weapon. Standing almost motionless a black smoky figure stands in midst of the light pouring in from below. Practically invisible against the darkness of the silent rooms across the way it slowly turns towards you the figure’s dark red eyes are the only thing visible. Quickly launching itself towards your partner the figure sticks it’s pointy claw through his abdomen throwing him against the wall, quickly grasping your knife you try to lunge but are pushed backwards almost instantly. The last thing you see is its pure dark red eyes. Darkness...Pure..utter..complete..Darkness.

Chapter 2

Reality bursts into perception as your mind returns, only one singular light appears to visible as your eyes begin dilate according to the light. (several seconds pass by) Frigid, frozen, life returns to your body as light returns to darkness. Opening your eyes you realize one detail of your current well being and predicament, there seems to be large metallic wrist locks in view and a singular brace protruding from your chest. Urging for freedom from your restraints you push and pull only to find the isolation between them terribly unbearable. As your struggle continues voices become audible through the doors at your feet in the octagonal glass room in which you are held. Unable to understand the words spoken your panicking begins. Stories of this were a common thing in your stronghold and petrified you to your very core. Knowing you must be calm you think of your past and reflect on the challenges of your life.

The last of your calm thoughts flee as you are surrounded by half a dozen bloody German doctors after several seconds of intense dialogue between the lead doctor and his assistants a rail is placed above your chest. The bar is then released putting weight onto your chest, the weight is bearable and is the least of your worries as large spear shaped needles lower slowly over you. Slowly the needles fall pressing into your forearm skin and bursting through your epidermis, blood gushes onto the floor as an orange fluid is slowly injected into your veins the pain becomes excruciating pressing against the bar on your chest you resist the doctors' wills to keep you down. The liquid slowly pulses through your arm and eventually to your chest until your whole body is consumed by the ominous liquid.

The doctors remove their gloves and masks and proceed to have a severely nullifying conversation about something in the room before they speak in English directly to you. “Are you feeling dizzy or nauseated?” says a woman doctor in a thick German accent. With a shake of the head you understand your worst fear is coming true. Slowly the wrist restraints are slid off and the doctors attempt to pick you up out of the table only to drop you head first into the hard metallic floor. Dizzied from the fall and the fluid they push you into a room containing exercise equipment and six seats.

Your sight is fuzzy and head pain excruciating as they drag your body to an treadmill with a screen in front your head area. Starting off slow your body feels almost loosening and then as the pace increases your body reacts with little effort to the speed. The dizziness and pain fade as the ground under you move ever more quickly 10mph....15mph.....20mph. Out of the blue the doctors slow the machine and remove your body. Looking down at your blue colored veins you realize the color is disappears and is replaced by the orange fluid which courses through your veins.

The floor was icy almost too cold to believe, yet your feet burn only from the liquid that invaded your body minutes ago. The doctors take you through another door way he walls are hidden from the little light entering through the door they release you only to have you fall to the ground. Getting up slowly the pain was incredibly unbearable. Head swaying aches continue until light from the door behind disappears leaving you frozen in the pitch dark. Quickly your pupils dilate to fill the aphotic room with unseen light. The wall ahead seems only several feet tall and there seems to be a light coming from above.

Without hesitation you run and leap onto the wall trying to find any nonexistent foothold. The wall is higher than you thought but the revelation hits you. “ A corner jump” your thoughts ring out in your head. Suddenly the light disappears from above. And the door slides open. Soldiers with large gen rifles yell to hold still as they approach you. Wishing to not be shot you kneel putting your hands behind your head. Quickly a guard approaches with his rifle. One second passes and the guard is nearly done putting the hand cuffs on your wrists but they wont bolt shut. Slowly you raise as a guard soldier pushes your blood covered ripped t-shirt up to your chin. With the cuffs locked and bolted your tired feet suffer as you march along the frozen floor. What did you expect in the middle of December?

Chapter 3

“Fear, Adrenaline, insensitivity, they push us to the edge of mind and body until we aren’t ourselves but a hard shell of a personality which embodied us at one time. These factors embody a person willing to do anything to accomplishes what they wish. This pushes many men over the edge but for others its another tool in their arsenal for their goals. Without the boundaries of authority the job can easily be done.” says a dark figure slowly leaning into the light of a fallen city until his features are fully seen a man dressed completely a dark armor with red piercing light coming from his eyes. Slowly turning the figure leaps into your face. Suddenly reality snaps into view nothing but a lone light through what looks like cloth.

The clicking of safeties can be heard faintly from where you are. Then a series of cracks of rifle fire is heard... your heart skips a beat before you understand what is happening. A very commanding voice is heard shouting directives to others. You hear a cry beside you only able to see down you can see the man's bare feet next to you. Another series of shots occurs blood runs along the trough in front of you. The man beside you yells for mercy. You try to tell him everything will be fine, but before you finish a loud crack is heard before the man falls within you vision beneath the cloth. One shot to the head. Then the pressing of frigid metal against your forehead causing your mind to race for something to say. The first click of the hammer then a bang.... then another but to your right far off maybe good 200 yards off. The pressure from your forehead is released. A slight bump next to you, you look down to see an officer laying with no forehead. The crack of gunfire bursts forward quickly from you right as the fire from your left becomes faint, like unequal forces pushing against one another.

Struggling to break your steel cuffs there seems to be no weak points in your steely cuffs but then as you push your arms apart they pop off amidst the chaos reaching for your blindfold you are suddenly pulled down by the neck. The force knocks you off your still cuffed feet, then a woman starts yelling dragging you through the courtyard and into cover. The blindfold is ripped off as you tumble to the ground. A dark figure stands above you as the smoke clears, gunfire ceases as a single cry leaps into the air. The figure above looks down upon you. “ We need to move while we have the chance” It says. Leaning down it breaks the cuffs around your ankles and pulls you up. “Time to get moving” the figure yells to the other soldiers. “Enemies incoming” Yells a scout across the courtyard. Tossing you a pistol the dark assassin says “You better be worth all of this”

The screeching begins under the darkness of the night. Creatures of certain evil descend from the collapsed ruin of a once great city. Rushing to the nearest building the rebels and you seek cover by cracking the once wooden front door down. Quickly the soldiers take places in the corners readying for their certain demise. Sulking into the shadows you draw your white genpistol. As the ash settles from the front door's brutal entry, a creaking is heard above then a smash on the concrete toward the front door. A pause only a moment but it feels like an eternity for the twelve soldiers around. You run taking cover behind a fallen wooden desk as the doors are instantly shattered and wooden shards fly through the air. One soldier is hit with multiple shards to the chest as he tries to duck blood soars through the air landing on everything within a ten foot radius. The dark creature is fired upon by all eleven soldiers as the bullets fly the creature feels nothing tearing through a solid support beam in the wall. The wall falls crushing the three soldiers beneath it, Still pursuing the other soldiers, the beast rushes with incredible speed impaling two other soldiers square through the chest before flinging their bodies against the wall. Smaller creatures of darkness rush in to feast on the corpses of the dead. Slowly the creature turns toward the last remaining soldiers and you, Quickly launching a toppled desk the beast squishes one of the six remaining. As the numbers thin the assassin beside you grabs you pulling you through the door behind you. You and the assassin run down a collapsing hallway as the small creatures follow closely behind you. Leaping over several walls and then climbing up the very concrete platform you elevated the day before, Quickly the masked assassin pulls you toward an large glass window. In stride you take hold of your pistol, shooting several rounds into the glass before launching foot first through the shattering glass pane. Taking hold of the Assassin's waist you bring both of you down, suddenly you notice a dark body of water below with a reflection of the crescent moon above. The frozen water below approaches in almost slow motion, your bodies rapidly accelerating into the cold water. The surface breaks like a sheet of frigid icicles puncturing upon your legs and your sheer body temperature plummets opening your eyes you scan the ominous water below for the assassin but the water's concealing darkness restricts your line of sight. Suddenly something reaches through the water pulling you up to the surface. The breaking of the surface of the water starts with a cold gust of December air rushing along your soaked hair, instantly the water on your hair solidifies. You eyes fill with vision after the water has fallen back to the icy depths, Pulling you out of the water is the assassin's strong arm onto a large inflated boat. The wind chills your core to near glaciate temperature as the boat's engine roars against the howling frozen tempest surrounding both of you.

The cruel destruction created to save the regimes of the Germany is visible through the collapsed world around you as you chug along the glassy river toward the immeasurable crescent moon sitting above the ashes of a once thriving civilization of humanity. The faint glow of innocent civilian life is still almost visible in your memories. Suddenly the engine stops and the boat coasts to a stop at what looks like a dilapidated mansion's waterfront. Without saying a word the assassin points to the ladder and you both ascend into the darkness not shown from the dim lantern on the front of the boat. Guided the moon you both transcend the misty courtyard's slight incline. The smell of must and mold are almost overpowering. The closer you get the more light seems to come from the mansion. Slowly approaching a large set of almost castle like oak doors, you are pushed inside and the doors bar shut behind you.

Reviews

[Omegax45]

The prologue and the first three chapters are really good. It gives you an insight of the main character's world without too much wording in it. If it helps, I feel that the chapters could be at least a little bit longer, plus a little polish with the grammar. Otherwise, it is very good and well thought.

[Fallen hero]

Thanks I appreciate the review!