Dead Dove

A psychiatrist's beliefs are challenged by a new, peculiar patient.

Dove

 

     Dr. Apathe sat at his desk in his office. He wore a nice, blue, linen suit with nice, blue, linen pants, and wore wide-rimmed glasses. His skin was pale. His eyes were dark blue, thick bags under them. Wrinkles were beginning to materialize around her eyes, mouth, and forehead. He took long, slow, deep breaths as he looked through his oncoming patient’s papers. The office was chilly and smelled of mold, which flowed up and down some parts of the steel, cold walls.

     The door opened. A security guard, shaved and dressed in an all white jumpsuit, escorted a handcuffed gentleman into the room. Dr. Apathe put the papers in a drawer. The handcuffed man sat at Dr. Apathe’s desk. He had wavy dark hair, almost covering his grey, bright eyes. He had an attractive, innocent face, with full lips, clear skin, and a striking nose. He wore a large, white T-shirt and white shorts. He looked at the floor, humming a monotonous hymn and twirling his feet.

     The security guard looked at the man sitting down and shook his head. He crossed his arms and started for the door.

     “Just yell if ya need anything, Doc. I’ll be right by the"”

     “I know,” said Dr. Apathe, yawning.

     The security guard left the room and closed the steel door behind him. Dr. Apathe stared at the man. He was still humming and twirling his feet.

     Dr. Apathe thought, Another one. And then there’ll be another and another and another…

     The man looked up and smiled at the doctor. He ceased his humming and crossed his hands on the desk.

     “My name is Adrian,” Adrian said, smiling.

     “My name is Fredric Apathe.”

     “I had a dog named Fredric…” Adrian blinked rapidly and then slapped his knee. “NO! It was a boyfriend. I had a boyfriend named"”

     “Why do you think you’re here, Adrian?”

     “So that chick sliced herself?”

     Dr. Apathe rolled his eyes and breathed in deeply.

     “Adrian, I would like it very much if you answered my question.”

     “What question?”

     “Why do you think you’re"”

     “Because I killed thirty people in a movie theatre. But the main reason is because I’m crazy and they want you to fix me.”

     “Who is they?”

     “I don’t know.” Adrian smiled and rubbed his eye. “The government. The cops. God. Jesus. Your mom. My mom"”

     “Ah, your mother. Let’s discuss her.”

     Dr. Apathe scratched his head and yawned.

     “She raped me when I was six.”

     “I don’t believe you.”

     “Why? You’re supposed to. Aren’t psychiatrists supposed to believe anything?”

     “No. It is my job to find the truth and help you.”

     “And you think"you think you can actually help me?”

     Dr. Apathe began to open his mouth, but decided to do otherwise. He scratched his forehead and sighed heavily.

     “So that chick sliced herself?”

     “Are you referring to Ms. Geminus?”

     “Yes.”

     “I think you already know the answer, Adrian.”

     “I just wish I could’ve seen it.”

     “Why is that?”

     “Seeing people die…it gives me a rush.”

     “Does that disturb you? Knowing that seeing people die gives you a rush?”

     “No. Why would something that makes me happy disturb me?”

     “Death isn’t a happy thing, Adrian. I think it’s quite sad.”

     “People die every day. Things die every day.”

     “Adrian, I"”

     “Flowers die. Dogs die. Grass dies. Trees die. Stars die. Ants die. Candles die…”

     “I agree, but don’t you think a human’s life holds more value than the things you just named?”

     “No. We all die, someday. That’s how things are. Everything dies and everything is born. The only thing that’s forever is water.”

     “You don’t value human life?”

     “No.”

     “That’s sad, Adrian. There are many good, decent human beings in the world. Adorable little children, for example.”

     “HA, CHILDREN! CHILDREN?!”

     Adrian laughed and smacked his hands on the table. He calmed down after a minute or so, his eyes bright and his face rosy red.

     “I didn’t find my statement funny, Adrian. Children are valuable. Don’t you agree?”

     “What the hell is so valuable about them?”

     “They are innocent and pure"”

     “I used to be a child. Hitler and Albert Fish did, too.”

     “That isn’t my point, Adrian. Do you or do you not agree that children are pure?”

     “Does this have to do with the five kids I killed?”

     “Please, answer the question, Adrian.”

     “Why is it that I always answer your questions, but you haven’t answered any of mine?”

     “ADRIAN!”

     Dr. Apathe slammed his right fist on the desk, slightly cracking the wood, his eyes raging, and his cheeks on fire. Adrian smiled and twiddled with his thumb. Dr. Apathe took a deep breath, smiled, and crossed his arms. He leaned back in his chair.

     “I apologize"”

     “What a sorry f*****g guard. I yelled, you just f*****g yelled, and he didn’t even come in and ask what’s wrong. He’s a sorry f*****g guard.”

     “Adrian, do you think children are pure or not?”

     “Do you?”

     “Adrian.”

     “Do you?”

     “Adrian.”

     “Do you?”

     “Adrian.”

     “Do you?”

     “ADRIAN!”

     “DO YOU!”

     Adrian exploded in laughing and slapped his knee.

     “You like it when I get angry, Adrian? Does that give you a rush, too?”

     “Angry? I just like seeing you look stupid.”

     “I looked stupid?”

     “You looked stupid because you got angry. You’re the type of person that looks stupid when they get angry. Sorry, dude.”

     “Yes, Adrian, I think children are innocent.”

     “They are?”

     “Yes. They have beautiful, pure minds.”

     “Maybe some do.”

     “I think the majority do, Adrian.”

     “I doubt it. I highly doubt it.”

     “Why is that?”

     “When I was six, my best friend tried to rape me. He was six, too.”

     “I don’t believe you.”

     “Why?”

     “I find it hard to believe that a six-year-old would rape someone. It has never happened before.”

     “But it happened to me. That’s why I’m so fucked up.”

     “Were you ever sexually violated, Adrian?”

     “I just told you.”

     “That was a lie. Now were you or weren’t you?”

     “Were you?”

     “No, Adrian.”

     “I don’t believe you. That was a lie.”

     “No it wasn’t.”

     “Yes it was. I don’t believe you. You’re lying to me.”

     “I see what you’re doing.”

     “And what’s that?”

     “How many people did you kill in that theatre, Adrian?”

     “Thirty. I told you that.”

     “Do you know all their names?”

     “One of their names was Fredric.”

     “None of their names was Fredric, Adrian. That’s my name.”

     “Why?”

     “Why what?”

     “Why is your name Fredric?”

     “Fredric was my father’s name. He passed it on to me.”

     Adrian smiled.

     “He didn’t want you to have your own name?”

     “That isn’t important"”

     “You don’t like your father, do you? Did he rape you?”

     “No, Adrian. And yes, I liked"I loved my father.”

      Adrian looked into Dr. Apathe’s eyes as deeply as he could. Dr. Apathe twitched and looked down. He looked back up when Adrian turned his gaze.

     “Did you love your father, Adrian?”

     “Yes. Up until he found out I was gay.”

     “Are you really gay?”

     “I told you I had a boyfriend named Fredric.”

     “Everyone who knows you claims you are a heterosexual.”

     “I lied.”

     “You only like men?”

     “No, I like girls. I love the warmth and the beauty and grace and the lips and the curves and the hair…but I just want something rough every once in a while, you know?”

     “When did you tell your father you were gay?”

     “I never told the fat f**k. He found porn on my computer.”

     “What did he do to you when he found out?”

     “He punched me. And then he punched me again and again and again and again and again and again. And when I got up off the floor he kicked me.”

     “I’m sorry, Adrian.”

     “Why, my father never did anything to me. I never told him I was gay. Why would I do that?”

     “But you"you just said"”

     “I just told you I only like girls. I’m not a f*g. Do I come off as a f*****g f*g or something?”

     “Why do you this, Adrian?”

     “Do what? Curse?”

     “Why do you make these fabrications? Do you find yourself believing them sometimes, Adrian?”

     “No. I always know the truth. I’m in on everything. You’re the one that’s the f*****g outcast.”

     “But I don’t want to be an outcast. I want to understand.”

     “Just like you tried to understand that Geminus chick? I bet you made some progress with her, but what the f**k did she do? She f*****g slit her f*****g throat.”

     “So?”

     “So there’s no f*****g hope.”

     “There’s always hope. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t believe that.”

     Dr. Apathe wiped his eyes and looked down.

     “What’s a good symbol for hope.”

     Dr. Apathe shrugged his shoulders, still looking down, bags under his eyes, and his face weary, withered, and dried. His eyes blank.

     “What about a dove? Yeah, a dove. This place is filled with dead doves. Dead hope. Yeah.”

     “WE’RE DONE!” yelled Dr. Apathe, looking at the door.

     The security guard came in and escorted Adrian out. A couple minutes passed, and Dr. Apathe’s chubby secretary came in holding a stack of papers, wearing a grey suit. She put the papers on his desk. He looked at her, his face drowned in dread. She frowned.

     “What’s the matter, Fredric?” she asked.

     “I’m just tired.” He looked down. “I’m just real tired. Real tired, Agatha. I’m real tired.”

 

…

Two days passed. A couple minutes after the sun had come up, the security guard brought Adrian into Dr. Apathe’s office. Adrian was dressed in the same white T-shirt and shorts he’d worn before. As he sat down at the desk, he began humming a hymn, different from the one before, because it was pleasant. The security guard turned to leave.

     “Yell if ya need me,” he said.

     Dr. Apathe nodded. He wore a bright, white suit and wasn’t wearing his glasses. His eyes were tired. He crossed his hands on the desk and sighed. Adrian smiled. Dr. Apathe frowned and scratched his chin.

     “What’s the matter?” asked Adrian, still humming his hymn.

     “Nothing,” said Dr. Apathe.

     “Are you tired?”

     “No, Adrian. I’m not tired.”

     “Are you sick of me?”

     “No, Adrian.”

     “You are sick of me. You want to give up.”

     “No"”

     “All your patients turn out crappy and you’re tired.”

     “Adrian, I am not sick of you and I will not give up.”

     “I’m just confused, though. If you are sick of this s**t, why don’t you just"oh yeah, the money"”

     “I don’t appreciate that.”

     “I just want both of us to be honest, Fredric. Now tell the truth.”

     Dr. Apathe sighed, crossed his arms, and leaned back in his chair.

     “Maybe"maybe I am a little down"”

     “Because they all turn out the same?” Adrian’s eyes were filled with passion. “Is that it? You’d just die if you saw another b***h slit her own throat?”

     Dr. Apathe nodded.

     “You don’t think us lunatics can really be cured, do you?” said Adrian, smiling.

     “Yes, I…no…”

     “That’s sad.”

     “I’m sorry, Adrian. I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean it.”

     “Yes you did. You think everybody locked up in here is disgusting, don’t you? You think we all might as well be in hell, because we’re completely fucked up and there’s no one or no god that will ever break through our disheveled brains. To you, there’s not even an ounce of good in us. You didn’t always believe that, though, did you?”

     “No. I once believed that I could make a difference. I thought that I could succeed where most had failed. I did succeed in most cases, but now"but now things are changing. People are sicker.”

     “I don’t think I’m that bad.”

     Dr. Apathe thought, Damn b*****d! You damn, psychotic b*****d. You are the scum of the earth! You are the reason I want to retire. Its patients like you that have taken over. Loser! Hopeless losers are what they all are now. I get nowhere with anyone. They’re all immoral and disgusting. Just DISGUSTING!

     “No,” said Dr. Apathe, forcing a smile, “I don’t think you’re that bad.”

 

...

     The next morning, Dr. Apathe sat at his desk, awaiting Adrian’s entrance. He wore another one of his white suits and had on his glasses. The door opened, and his secretary came in, wearing a grey and black blazer. She rushed to his desk, her face red. She panted like she’d run a one-thousand mile marathon. She leaned on the desk.

     “Did you hear?” she said.

     Dr. Apathe crossed his arms and shook his head.

     “Adrian Mano,” she said, breathing hard. “He’s dead!”

     Dr. Apathe’s eyes enlarged. He leaned on the desk and looked hard at his secretary.

     “What?”

     “He was stabbed by another inmate coming down here to attack you. Adrian had heard him talking about it and he tried to stop him. He’s dead, Fredric. He’s dead!”