The Reflection We Hate

Young James thinks his best friend has Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

The Reflection We Hate

 

his leg but it was kinda an accident now that I think about it because he forced me to do it and everything and when people FORCE you to do something it’s not in your power to stop them so I did it and went on my way and I don’t feel bad about it because he FORCED me to do it so I don’t feel bad about not feeling bad about breaking his leg and I remember when I told him he had a serious problem and that he needed professional help but he was all like Why are you botherin me? and I just gave up and thought that maybe I should pray for him but that never helps so I decided not to and to just lead by example lead by example lead by example lead by example and I first realized something was wrong with him when he didn’t say hi to Stacey because we were walking together to 3^rd period and when we passed Stacey, she said “Hi”, I said “Hi”, and Chris didn’t say anything. I felt for Stacey, because she’s probably the nicest girl in the school and she’s kind of pathetic and quirky-looking and I believe in being king to girls like that. So, before we went in class, I asked Chris why he didn’t say anything to her and he said, “Sorry. Wasn’t payin attention,” and then changed the whole subject to graduation. I didn’t bring it up again, because it was obvious he felt no remorse and that something was really off about him.

     During 3^rd period, I thought about what was wrong with Chris. I tried to sort out the possibilities and I ended up with this: he was either about to commit suicide, he was going psychopathic, or he was becoming Narcissistic. I felt really sorry for him, because he’d always been so well put together and now it was all falling apart. I would’ve been more into my thoughts if Jessica, Amanda, Christian weren’t running their mouths behind me (Amanda’s the main b***h). They’re always running their mouths

and it was just because she told him to pull up his pants.”

“He got mad because of THAT

     So I decided to skip 4^th period and go to the library and think things over. I don’t think English class is more important than helping out my best friend and I can always look up Brave New World on Sparknotes or something. It’s one of my worse qualities, but killing myself for others is something that I’ve been doing since the day I was born and there’s no point in fighting it. Mrs. White understood. She said it was okay for me to use a computer and then asked me a question about my going to Notre Dame to play football and we talked for about five minutes about that and then I got on the computer.

     After looking and searching for like ten minutes, I realized Chris most likely wasn’t a psychopath, because he only exhibited like one symptom. Then I started researching NPD (Narcisstic Personality Disorder) and I felt like I was going to cry, because Chris exhibited every single symptom. I tried to hold the tears in, but I couldn’t help it and I just start wailing and wailing. Fat, short, grey Mrs. White wobbled to me and asked me what was wrong and I told her the truth: “My best friend is in big trouble.”

“He asked me out one time and I said no and then he called me a b***h.”

“What?”

“I’m not lying. His face was red and he literally started�"started STOMPING down the hall

·         Believing that you're better than others

·         Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness

·         Exaggerating your achievements or talents

·         Expecting constant praise and admiration

·         Believing that you're special and acting accordingly

·         Failing to recognize other people's emotions and feelings

·         Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans

·         Taking advantage of others

·         Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior

·         Being jealous of others

·         Believing that others are jealous of you

·         Trouble keeping healthy relationships

·         Setting unrealistic goals

·         Being easily hurt and rejected

·         Having a fragile self-esteem

·         Appearing tough-minded or unemotional

…these are the symptoms and poor Chris exhibits every single one of them. Now I’m grateful that Stacey said “Hi” to us that day and Chris ignored her, because if that had never happened I would’ve never known something was wrong with his brain.

tried to break his leg and I guess Chris convinced his mothe

     When I got home, I told my mother about everything. She was in the kitchen decorating cupcakes, wearing her pink sundress with her dark hair tied in a bun. After I got done ranting on and on about how messed up Chris was, she said, “So how is Chris doing?”

     I yelled at her for not paying any attention to me like always, and I don’t feel bad about yelling at her, because she’s always blowing me off and I never do anything about it, so I was right to yell at her like I did. I went in my room and lied on my bed, facing the ceiling. I’m getting a headache and my eyes are burning. I feel for Chris so bad that I’m falling apart. I wish he wasn’t Narcissistic and that he could be healthy and functioning, but there’s no cure for NPD, so he’ll be messed up forever. I think it’s unfair that he’s going through something like this, because he’s always been such a nice friend. All I can do now is try to make things as best for him as I can.

eg but he just sort of laid there and wanted me to do something else to him but I didn’t because I’m not cruel like that and I already made my point and he was losing his mind and I felt sorry for him because we’d been friends since Kindergarten and things fell apart so suddenly We were the only ones at our lunch table, eating hamburgers and chips. He seemed normal, like always, and was really calm. I didn’t touch my food, because I was nervous about confronting him. I waited and waited for the right moment to say something. The moment came when…

     “I’m nervous about the speech,” he said.

     “I don’t think you should do it.”

     “Why?”

     “Chris, I�"I think there might be something wrong with you.”

     “Huh?”

     “You’ve been different�"”

     “What’s that on your wrist?”

     He pointed to my wrist. There was nothing there. He’s worse off than I thought.

     “What are you talking about?”

     “You have cuts�"”

     “Oh! My cat did it. I thought I told you that.”

     He looked at me funny-like and then I knew that he knew that I knew that he was Narcissistic and was trying to keep me from saying it out loud. It was my job to push through his shenanigans and confront the problem, because caring for people is my cross to bear.

     “Chris.”

     “What?”

     “You’ve been different.”

     “How?”

     “Have you ever heard of Narcissistic Personality Disorder?”

     He laughs. Laughs and laughs like I’m some sort of a clown.

     “What’s so funny?”

     “You think I have Narcissistic Personality Disorder?!”

     “I’m actually pretty sure.”

     The bell rung. Everyone in the cafeteria starts to get up. Chris, too. He tried his best to avoid his issue. Maybe he’s too far gone. I called after him, but he^{started talking to some girl and started laughing}                           he                             he               i  g n   o r e d             me

“You can’t even talk to him because he thinks he knows everything all the time

“He’s really tall and cute though.”

“He’s a A*****E. Complete A*****E.”

“Hush. He might be listening

     I went to the principal’s office and asked him if he was actually still going to have Chris speak at graduation and he said that he was and I asked him why he would let Chris speak when Chris wasn’t valedictorian and Chris wasn’t the star quarterback or anything and he said that Chris did an excellent job of displaying the “ideal” student and that he wanted to give him a chance to share his insight to others and I cursed him and slammed my fists on his desk and he told me to get out or he would call Coach Hall and I told him to go f**k himself because I’m already going to Notre Dame and Coach Hall can’t do anything about that so he just looked at me and looked at me until I left huffing and puffing  and wondering why I couldn’t make a speech and why everyone thought Chris was better at speaking than I was even though I’m taller and better looking and more athletic and more popular and he’s all quiet-like and then I realized that I would have to stop him from making the speech because he has NPD and if he makes the speech and people applaud him and applaud him his illness will probably be worse off and it’ll be my fault because I didn’t do anything even though I knew 100% what would happen

     I called when I got home that same day I confronted him at the lunch. Right away, he asked me if I was going to act weird You really really need to listen and he hung up, because he obviously was getting really annoyed with me. I thought about the horrible possible outcomes that could happen if he went through with the speech. His whole life could be at stake. If he were to become a full-fledged Narcissist, he’d never be able to have a relationship and he would end up alone and on the streets somewhere. And, of course, it would all be my fault.

     I think back to when I first met Chris, and I realize he’s always been sort of off. He’d always had a sort of thick, stupid arrogance about him and whenever he acted mean to somebody he always said things like: “Oh, I didn’t know,” or “Really, that was mean?” or “They’ll get over it.”

“And he just said, ‘She’ll get over it,’”

I never thought anything of those things, though. I always saw it as Chris being Chris and never questioned he had a severe, mental disorder. It’s really by God’s good grace that speech I realized what was wrong. Now I have the chance to save him. My best friend His leg was absolutely broken GOD HELP HIM GOD HELP HIM GOD HELP HIM PLEASE GOD HELP HIM My best friend      His leg was ab so l utely brStacey said hi to me and I told her to go f**k f**k f**k herself because I was in a bad mood and my head hurt and she started starts crying and somebody asked me why she was crying and I told them she would be okay and lots of people surrounded her but I feel bad because my head hurts because I’ve been thinking about Chris 2 much and he doesn’t appreciate anything I do and I think about him and think about him and mostly I think about him giving the speech and him giving the speech and me not giving the speech even though I’m the star quarterback and he’s just Chris and my head hurts and I yell at Amanda for something and I accidently shove her on the ground and I don’t help her up because my head is really really hurting so I go to 4^th period and Mrs. Brown is talking about Brave New World and I fall asleep and Amanda, Christian, and Jessica are whispering behind me like they always f*****g do and I’m better than them and what right do they have to make crazy accusations about me because they dont even know me know me me know and I say Shut the f**k up! You shut up, James! Suck my dick! Jerk! B***h! and I get kicked out of class and Mrs. Brown tells me told me to go to the principals and I went and I go to the library and look up thinks about NPD and I think and think and I start crying and Mrs. White (fat, grey) wobbles over to me and asks whats wrong and I say nothing and sheasks me abt Notre Dame and I run out of the library and I go in a supply closet and cry and cry and cry and I think I broke his leg because he was going to make that speech when I was actually supposed to make it and he tricked everybody and convinced them to let him do it even though I’m the star quarterback and I need I needed to stop him from making the speech so I could save him from his Narcissistic Personality Disorder

     “James! James, what�"what are you doing?!”

     So I put the knife down and started wiping the blood with the cover so she wouldn’t get too mad and so she would understand and see how perfect I was…

     “O h�"oh  my            g  o d                   ! S t�"st o   p!”

     “It makes me feel better…”

     “Stop it! Stop it right now!”

     “Chris needs help.”

     I went over to Chris’s house at about six o’ clock the next day (the day before graduation). His tall, blonde, blue-eyed mother was happy to see me and welcomed me in with her shiny teeth. She told me Chris was upstairs going over his speech. When I went in his room, he smiled and told me to sit next to him on the bed. I sat next to him. He was holding the speech in his hands, three paragraphs long. It looked well written.

     “Are you okay now?”

     “When wasn’t I?”

     “You’ve been crazy in school�"”

     “I’m just nervous about graduation.”

     “Why? You’re not the one making a speech.”

     “And that’s what I need to talk to you about…”

     “The speech?”

     “Yes. I don’t think you should go through with it.”

     “Why?”

     “Cause there’s something wrong with you.”

     “What the F**K man!”

     “What did I do?”

     “Are you nuts or somethin?!”

     “Me?”

     “Get out!”

     “Me?”

     “Everybody’s right. You are CRAZY. You need some serious help, dude.”

     “Me?”

     “YES!”

     “You’re worse than me. You exhibit more symptoms than me�"”

     “WHAT!”

     “I’ve went over it and over it and you exhibit more symptoms. You have it worse and that’s why you shouldn’t make the speech.”

     “F**k off! I’m makin the speech no matter what you f****n say! And I heard about those poster you hung up about me in the restroom you f****n jerk!”

     “Don’t do it. Don’t get that applause.”

     “Get the f**k outta here, James! Go see a f****n psychiatrist or somethin!”

     I got off the bed, dropped on my knees, and reached under the bed for the baseball bat he’d had since we were kids. I started hitting and he yelled and tried to fight me off but he was on the floor pretty quick and then he got pretty helpless but his Mom came

     And he made the speech and people applauded him and girls loved him no one paid me no one pays me any attention and when I get home I cut and look up things about NPD and I feel sorry for us feel sorry for us feel sorry for us PLEASE GOD HELP US and I cry and cry and think about Notre Dame but who cares because Chris got his applause and I’m pathetic and he didn’t have me locked up and he got his applause and PLEASE GOD HELP US cause mental disorders are no joke and its not fair that both of us have to suffer but I don’t have it as bad and in fact I’m getting over it and his is just going to get worse because he made that speech and I warned him   I’m gonna really miss miss miss miss miss miss Chris miss him miss him because he was is my best friend and he’s gonna go on without me so what am I supposed to do And I warned him but now it’s its all over for my poor Chris and we’ve been friends since we were little and I love him He’s my best friend and things changed when I got older because he got a mental disorder and then it was up to me to save him and  so I had the best intentions when I went over his house that day before graduation and I broke his leg but it was kinda an accident now that I think about it because he forced me to do it and everything and when people FORCE you to do something it’s not in your power to stop them so I did it and went on my way and I don’t feel bad about it because he FORCED me to do it so I don’t feel bad about not feeling bad about breaking his leg and I remember when I told him he had a serious problem and that he needed professional help but he was all like Why are you botherin me? and I just gave up and thought that maybe I should pray for him but that never helps so I decided not to and to just lead by example lead by example lead by example lead by example