Chapter Ten

CHAPTER TEN

One Mississippi.

                I could feel a pair of eyes on me. I turned to see Ryan standing behind me, nervous and tense. His dark eyes bore into mine. I was frozen under it. He looked like he wanted to say something, but all that came out was a breath of resignation. The Drailer took a couple steps closer. He raised a hand to the back of my head and the other to my hip. He pulled me close and put both hands on the sides of my face. The Drailer brushed his fingers through my hair.

                Two Mississippi.

                I could feel his heartbeat against my own through his clothing. His dark eyes never left my face for one second. I could see how hard it was to control himself now. Sweat dripped from his hair and his face. A soft rumbling in his chest thundered in the quiet little cement house.

                Three Mississippi.

                His hand dropped to cup my cheek. He pulled me closer against him. Ryan’s forehead was against mine. His arm wrapped around my waist. Ryan took a deep breath and brushed my lips with his. I could feel my entire body flush at his affection. Part of me was startled, the other rejoicing as his lips came against mine hard. I could feel the hunger for me and feel an ache in my chest for him as well. My arms wrapped around his neck so tight I knew if he were human he would have been choking.  

                Four Mississippi.

                He abruptly let me go and backed up. He wasn’t breathing. He was looking at me like I was meat now. His claws dug into the cracked floor of the house. Half of him started to come forward to me and the other half kept him back. He banged his head against the wall. Ryan roared and snarled more to himself than to anything else. His teeth were barred and he was starting to curl up into a ball. Fear glazed over his eyes. He was scared of himself. He was terrified of the monster that ravaged his mind and body.

                My mind told me to run and back to the farthest place away from him. That would be the logical thing to do. The boy in front of me was struggling for control over himself. I could see the monster just beneath the surface. But my heart picked my foot up and placed it in front of my other. It kept moving my feet, willing and encouraging me to approach Ryan. I could feel the tension in my muscles. They were ready for flight if he got out of hand. Briefly, I wondered if he would kill me.

He looked up at me, shaking, fighting for the control of his will. Ryan was still staring when I took the seat next to him. I put my arm around his waist and laid my head on his shoulder.

“What made you do that?”

Ryan looked down at the ground. “I wanted to see what it was like.”

I was quiet. I snuggled closer to him. The rumbling in his body was louder and his body was as still and tense as a statue. He was breathing in and out rapidly still. One of his hands flew to his head. He looked like he was having a migraine, only one that was caused because of the way I smell, the way I feel, the way I look.

“What did you think?”

His other hand went to his head. “I want to do it again.”

A smile slowly forms on my lips. “We will. When you calm down.”

Ryan sighs deeply. We are both quiet for a very long time. After all this time, Ryan has calmed down quite a bit. He pulls me into his lap and wraps his arms around my stomach. He puts his head on top of mine. I think back to the day I called him a monster. Obviously, I was very wrong. He is anything but. Ryan is a boy with weapons attached. As I think back, though, I recall him saying himself he was a monster and I had no idea why he was.

I breathe in sharply. Who was he?

“What’s wrong?” he says.

“Why are you a monster?”

He blinks and looks at me like I just asked the stupidest question in the world. “The Federation changed me.”

I furrow my brow. “No, not that. You said that I had no idea how much of a monster you were.” I turn my head to look at his face. “Why are you a monster, Ryan?”

He leans back and sighs again. “Because I’m a killer. I’m a killing machine. It’s what I was built for.”

                “I don’t believe that you would kill people after I look back on what you did for me.”

                “I did and I still do.”

                I look up at him. “You still do?”

                “They need to be put out of their misery.”

                I raise my eyebrows. “Like I did?”

                “You weren’t beyond saving.”

                I cross my arms over my chest and glare at the ground. “So I’m just luckier than all of them to be saved by you instead of killed by you. Let me ask you, why did you save me?”

                “I don’t know. You were just there.”

It’s been almost ten months since I’ve been with the Drailer. He and I have gotten closer over the past months. Still, though, he leaves me in the house most of the time. He’s taken me out for fresh air once or twice in the middle of the day. Even the air outside wasn’t entirely fresh as it had been. Everything had changed because of the Federation. Those b******s.

                Ryan is out hunting right now. I’m alone in the concrete house. Ryan had found a couple guns that were loaded next to the remains of some Federation soldiers. One was some time of sub-machine gun . . . I think. The other was a sniper.

                I walk over to the guns and look at the sniper.