Colleen

A man and woman working in Northern Nigeria fall in love.

Colleen

The Falaj Hotel stood on the outskirts of Kano on the highway leading south to Abuja.  White walls to keep off the heat, the hotel opened unto a cool quiet.  Daniel signed his name in the guestbook.  Under his, Colleen signed Colleen McTeer.

Snub nosed, curly red hair, five feet tall, twenty-six years old, Colleen Hagan exuded intelligence and sexuality that had caught Daniel’s interest when they had first met in September. Daniel McTeer, thirty-one years old, came from a working class family in Thunder Bayn.  Colleen came from a wealthy family in Hamilton. They had travelled to Nigeria to work for the Kano Ministry of Education. For a week the Canadians had been housed in a Kano Hotel, the Sardauna Palace.  During that week Daniel had spent many of his evenings sitting next to Colleen, chatting about their lives in Canada and sharing impressions of Kano and Nigeria. Furtive kisses, her ankles pressing against his he found enticing but always he hesitated.  Daniel thought of the person he was, shy, reclusive, preferring books and stamps to sports and bars doubting if she or anyone else would want him. Then the week ended.

Colleen and another woman, Elizabeth Fleming, were posted to share a house in Kano. Daniel was sent to Hadejia, two hundred kilometres northeast of Kano.  Being so far out of Kano he would not see Colleen for another month.  By then she was going out with Simon Waleeb, a English/Lebanese trader. In a new white Peugeot he took her out to restaurants and hotels. He also bought her bottles of wine and alcohol. The empty bottles were beginning to clutter at the back of her house. 

Colleen’s housemate, Elizabeth, liked Simon. A very funny man, she told Daniel when he came to visit.  Unfortunately, Colleen had gone off for the day with Simon.  Hadejia’s postmaster having been arrested for theft, and the school lacking telephone service, Dan had been unable to tell them that he was coming. Daniel nodded.  He knew that whatever interest Colleen had in him had now evaporated.

Long before coming to Africa he had formed the opinion that no woman of reasonable intelligence would want him.  The incident with Diana the first and last woman he had made love to had confirmed this.  So what did Colleen want? This relationship with Simon proved to him that she had regarded him as a passing fancy, something to joke at.  Best just to forget it.

The morning after he had arrived from Hadejia, he met with other teachers at the Sardauna Hotel. There would be meetings, lunch, some shopping to do.  He would return to Hadejia the next morning.  Listening to other teachers gossiping, he looked up to see Colleen sitting down beside him. 

“How is Simon?” he asked.

“In Beirut for the week.” A trace of alcohol tinged her breath.

“I see.”

She touched his left arm.  “Come with me.”

“Where?”

“We’ll go for lunch at a hotel I know, just you and me.”

“Now?”

“Now.”

He hesitated. There were still more meetings.  He looked at her eyes and began to stammer out a refusal.  She touched his right arm. 

“I would like that, Colleen.”

Slipping her right hand into his left they walked towards the door. Upon reaching it she paused.  “You don’t really have to be back here tonight, do you?”

Dan looked down at the hunger in her eyes and sensed his own.  “No, I suppose not.”

Nodding, Colleen pulled him towards the door.

They went by a congested bus westward twenty kilometres to the Falaj Hotel, a place chosen by Colleen. She had gone there twice with Simon and had liked it. Most of the way she slept resting against Dan’s shoulder. Half-afraid that he would be brushed aside he had placed a protective arm around her.

             ***

One reason why Colleen chose the Fulaj to take Dan that first day had been the swimming pool, a rare sight in Kano.  Simon and she had spent an afternoon lingering there enjoying the cool water. She saw no reason why Dan would not enjoy it.  She had imagined Dan and her cuddling in wet swim suits at the edge of the pool. Having changed into a green one piece swim suit, she was somewhat miffed when Dan declined the pool.

“I didn’t bring my trunks” he said.  “I didn’t expect to go swimming.”

“Maybe the manager can lend you some?”

The manager had none to lend. He himself never went swimming.

“Maybe you can swim in your pants?” Colleen asked Dan.

“I’m sorry madam. That is forbidden.”

“Underwear?”

“Swimming suits only.” The manager hinted that for a reasonable sized gratuity, perhaps five nairas, he might be prepared to overlook the violation.

Most of Dan’s spending money having gone on the room he chose to sit by the pool and watch Colleen diving into the water.  Also watching from the pool where two young Nigerian men.  Climbing out of the pool Colleen noticed the two young men smiling at her.  Instead of going for another dive she walked over to Dan. “I’ll change. Then we’ll go back to the room.”

             ***

She sat next to him on the edge of the bed.  Afraid of offending her he had resisted reaching out. 

“What do you want to do” she asked knowing what the answer would be.

"Dan?”

 Slowly, carefully, he spoke. “I want to hold you as would any man who yearns to hold the woman he loves. I want to feel your warmth, something I can remember when I am back in Hadejia.”

“You love me?”

 “I have since I met you.”

Colleen touched his right cheek. “Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?”

“I didn’t know those first few days. When I did, I couldn’t write.  I couldn’t phone. The first time, all the way back to Kano, I imagined how I would tell you. When I did get to your house, Elizabeth told me that you were with Simon.  So I went back. You had made your decision. I didn’t want to interfere.”

“If you had only told me before you left for Hadejia, I would have waited for you.”

“I didn’t know.”

Colleen wanted  him to love her but some men would say anything to get inside her. Perhaps he was truthful.  She would see.

"I have dreams too, Dan." Leaning forward she kissed him, a deep penetrating kiss.  “Touch my breasts.”

Dan placed his hands on her chest.

Holding him, she whispered “take off your shirt.”

Shirt and blouse fell on the floor. The other outer garments followed. They resumed their embrace. Holding her, Dan could feel her breasts behind her yellow gray bra.  He kissed her chest. She reached down to touch his swelling crotch. Colleen then undid the straps on her bra. She peeled off her panties and lay back waiting, naked on the cotton sheets. 

Pausing he looked at her. She was so beautiful.  Still he hesitated. What if she did not love him? Perhaps she was only saying that, using him to fill her time until Simon returned. Still, was it so bad being useful? He slipped off his briefs allowing them to drop to the floor.

In a moment of hesitation she muttered “no.”  Perhaps she was going too far but the warmth of his arms could not be denied.  Simon would never know.

He lay on the bed beside her. Fearing that he might be going too far, too quickly, she murmured, “If you try to enter me, I will cut you.” How would she explain a baby to her parents? She had already had one abortion paid for by Simon.  Did she want another? Perhaps he was lying.

Ducking his head he turned away.

Then she relented.  She did want to feel him beside her. “Touch me.”

They settled under the sheet.  “I’ve made love to eight different men” she added, touching his penis.  He would know that she was not a naïve fool. She knew how to love a man.

He nodded but said nothing.  I made love to one woman he thought, knowing Colleen would be disappointed in him.  Back in Thunder Bay, Diana: after three times in her bed, had told him that she would not be doing it again. He had made a slighting remark about her ex-husband, so she had decided to punish him. For two years she had kept punishing him.  A month before he left she mentioned that she was thinking of becoming a prostitute.

He should say something to Colleen but could not think of the words.  He would be careful to do exactly what she wanted. He kissed her and fondled her breasts. With an expert hand she stroked his penis. Holding her in his arms he could feel her perspiration. The feeling caused his excitement to mount until he ejaculated.

After he had shot out his sperm they settled into sleep. Waiting for sleep he thought of Colleen. She had offered him her body but only as far as a line she would not cross.  When he tried to kiss her, her eyes had been a cold stare. He understood that just like Diana, she must control the terms of their lovemaking. 

Somewhere in the back of her mind Colleen told herself what was supposed to happen. Play with him. Jerk him off. Let him fondle her. Share his warmth. Let them enjoy a night but nothing more. Then two things happened. 

               

              ***

The first was his snoring. Yes, people snored, but his had been so intense that she could not sleep. Rising she wrapped a towel around her and retreated to the far end of the room. There she lay down and went back to sleep.  She woke to find a sheet draped over her.  She sat up and looked towards Dan’s bare body sleeping on the bed.  He must have wakened and found her on the floor. He had placed the sheet on her to keep her from getting cold. Picking up the sheet she had returned to his side. She touched his back. It felt cool.  She draped the sheet over him. Slipping out of the towel she lay down beside him.

When his c**k hardened for the second time she thought of his bringing her the sheet. She turned to him.  He kissed her breasts.  Touching his penis, feeling it moving next to her vagina, she did what she had done so many times before with other lovers.  She knelt, her a*s in front of him. He took her breasts in his hands and pressed forward.  She waited for him to enter her.  Nothing happened.  She turned.  He had fallen back on the mattress; his eyes closed; the penis still hard. 

She recalled what she had told him. “Don’t enter me; I’ll cut you.” Not that she had really meant it.  But he had believed her.

He still believed her.

“Dan?”

She bent over him. “Dan?”

“I’m sorry,” he said. “Maybe I went too far.”

 Colleen’s right hand touched Daniel’s crotch. Between her fingers she felt the warmth of his swollen penis. Stroking it, she slid her fingertips up and down pressing the veins.  Daniel groaned, reaching for her. Quickly, pushing herself up, she placed his organ inside her vagina.  Daniel grasped her hips. Leaning forward she took his hands, raising them to her breasts. She then arched her back, her hands gripping his legs.  Closing her eyes she began sliding up and down. She moaned, her breathing becoming heavier.

Feeling him surge inside her Colleen lifted her body up off Daniel’s c**k.  She knelt on her hands and knees.  This time she turned towards him, her hoarse voice shaking she whispered, “Put it inside.  Deep.”

***

Clasping her shoulders, he drove deeper into Coleen.  The penis slipped into a rhythm of its own. Thrust, back. Thrust, back.  The vagina held it in a warm wet embrace.

She moaned, “Oh f**k.  Oh f**k.” Her eyes closed. She allowed the pounding pleasure to swallow her.  “Oooh.” She shook herself trying to think. What If he should come inside her?  She should tell him to pull it out. No. Not yet.

***

 

 Colleen stared at the end of the bed. Beside her slept Dan. How would she face him? What would she say? Better perhaps to forget it, as she had tried to forget so many other things.  She glanced at the spot on the floor where she had gone to escape Mike’s snoring. There he had brought his sheet to protect her from the cold. Perhaps that, not their initial lovemaking, had been the turning point in their relationship.

Dan stirred. Noticing Colleen sitting up, he placed a hand on her bare back. She did not respond.

“Love?” He placed his hand on her right breast.

Colleen did not look down. “Dan, don’t.”

Dan withdrew his hand. “I disappointed you.”

Colleen looked at him. “What?”

“In making love; I guess I wasn’t very good.”

Turning she placed her right hand on his chest. “You were fine Dan. No. it’s not you. It’s me.”

“You’re not angry with me?”

“No.  I’m angry with myself.”

“Why?”

Colleen rested her head against Dan’s chest. “Hold me, Dan.”

Pressing her closer to him Dan caressed her hair.

Colleen looked away from it at the foot of the bed.

“Do you remember when I told you that I didn’t want you to go inside me. You could touch me but not go inside.”

“Yes. That was reasonable,” Dan said thinking of his former girlfriend Diana. “I knew how far to go.”

“Then I said something. I just blurted it out.”

“If I came into you that you would cut me?”

Colleen closed her eyes. “Not very nice, was it?”

“Well, unnecessary. The sort of thing a frightened little girl would say.”

“I know but I’m not a little girl anymore. It was cruel and thoughtless.”

“You were afraid that I would rape you?”

“Yes.”

“I would never hurt you Colleen.”

“I know. That’s what makes it so much worse. I’m so ashamed. Forgive me Dan.”

He kissed her forehead.

Holding his right hand she murmured; “when I went back to your bed with your sheet I lay down beside you and warmed you. It felt so . . . right. I don’t want to lose you Dan.”

“Colleen, you should know something. I’m a poor man. I don’t have any property or income in Canada, only what I earn from WUSC. Half of that goes home every month.”

Colleen touched his left cheek.” Dan?”

Dan continued. “Poverty and love is all I have. Can you live with a poor man?”

“Yes Dan, I can.”

“It’ll be especially hard after we return to Canada. I have no job, no income, and if you’re expecting . . . ”

“It’s all right Dan. I’ll marry you.”

Dan smiled; a small shy smile. “I thought men do the proposing?”

Colleen smiled and kissed his chest. “Does it matter?”

“No. I guess not.” Holding her he drew her back down onto the mattress.

            ***

Holding up Colleen’s right leg by the heel, Daniel thrust deeper into her.  Lying on her back Colleen closed her eyes.  She wondered what she would tell Simon.  He would be returning on Thursday.  As always he would come to the house bringing a present expecting a warm smile and a warm bed. He would be in Kano for the next three weeks.  Dan would be travelling back from Hadejia on Friday, expecting to join her in the same bed.  He offered her marriage if she gave up Simon. What would she tell Simon? How would she tell him?  If she put it off Dan would return to Hadejia probably never to see her again.

Clinging to Dan’s hand, Colleen looked out the bus window. They passed cars, trucks beggars and peddlers. She saw only Simon and Dan.  “Do you have to go today?”

“I have classes to get ready for tomorrow.”

“At least stay for lunch. Elizabeth would like that.”

“All right.” His left arm pressed her closer to her.

Colleen turned back to the window to see Simon.

***

Clutching the sheets Colleen moaned, feeling Daniel thrusting deep into her.  The only problem with an orgasm she thought was that it ended too soon.  Her writhing convulsed her as Dan withdrew his penis. Dan’s semen exploded onto her. breasts.  Colleen murmured a faint protest that it had ended. Then settling down beside him she hugged his abdomen. “That was good” she murmured.

Dan closed his eyes.  “I am so lucky to have found you.  I love you.”

Colleen, smiling, played with his penis.   Dan slept.

***

Dan sat on the edge of the bed as directed by Colleen. She placed her hips on his lap, sliding his penis into her.

“This is new” said Dan. “How many positions are there?”

“Hmm? I’m not certain.  Dozens … Ooh … I think.”

“So what are your favourites?”

“Being on top … Mmm… Not so much weight. Missionary. It’s easy … Aah … Men like it more than women do though.  Doggy style is nice. Can’t see the face though … Ooh. Side by side is good. What we’re doing now, sitting up. Chair is good for it too.” She began sliding up and down. “Now be quiet, I want to  ... Oh yeah … concentrate. Aah”

***

Elizabeth had been the first they told about the engagement.  She had kissed them both, talked about holding the reception in her house and of the wedding.  “You’re both good Irish Catholic stock.  You must have it at Saint Louis. I’ll talk to Father Kelly.”  The only Catholic Church in Kano, it was located in the Sabon Gari, the newer part of the city. Elizabeth went there every Sunday morning.

“I don’t know” said Dan. “We’re not really religious. Just a civil wedding; that’s all we need.”

“Nonsense,” Colleen protested. Since she was a little girl she had imagined herself walking down an aisle. Clad in white with a large bouquet of flowers, everyone envying her.  “A church wedding would be lovely.” 

Three hours later Daniel took a bus back to Hadejia. The ladies saw him off at the lorry park.  He kissed Colleen, hugged Elizabeth and boarded a Toyota Hiace for Hadejia. Once squeezed into a seat he waved at them. Another school week and then he and Colleen would be together again. It would be a very long week. When he returned the engagement party would be held hosted by Elizabeth.  “No more hotels when you return” she had told him.  “You just stay here. “

***

Cupping Colleen’s imaginary breasts in his hands Dan snuggled closer to her ghostly body. “God,” he thought. “How I love this woman.” Waiting for sleep he pondered the meaning of honeymoon.  Holding an honours degree in English; he had always been fascinated with the origins of words.  Honeymoon was no exception. In old English honey moon had been the first full moon or month of marriage.  The young couple, to encourage fertility, had drunk mead, honey wine. The popular concept of a honeymoon as a period of unbridled lust marked by almost constant lovemaking and endearments, he admitted, had a great deal of truth.

He thought of what his sex life had been before meeting Colleen, of Diana back in Thunder Bay waiting for a letter that would never come.  Compared to Colleen, Diana was like f*****g a corpse.  No emotion, just staring eyes as he had pounded at her.  Before that, there had been years of daily bouts of masturbating; sometimes pleasurable, but always alone.

 When he first began masturbating Dan did not ask about it from either his father or brother.  Instead he did what he always did when faced with something new. He read up on it. In a medical dictionary at the public library he found a reference to “nocturnal emissions,” or wet dreams.  That led to the act of masturbating.  A perfectly normal function it did not indicate any serious medical or mental conditions. Fortified with this knowledge he had accepted the act as part of his life, the only sexual act he could expect until he met Diana. After three weeks, back to old habits.  So it was until he met Colleen.

***

Colleen’s old dream had returned.  A little girl, she stood in a park sucking a cherry lollipop. The bearded man, who had given her the candy, took her by the hand and led her into the nearby woods. Two hours later she would be found, bleeding, her dress torn.  The man after several months would be charged and convicted for a long series of similar crimes, but not for what he did to Colleen. Her parents chose to keep silent, to protect their little girl.  With time, they told themselves, she would forget.

To a large extent she did but there were times deep in the night when Colleen would see the bearded man.  She would hide under her blankets hoping he would not see her but he always did. Then crying she would run to her parents’ bed finding safety and warmth. When she was small it was a safe refuge but it ended when she entered her teens.  Then, at fourteen, she found a substitute the first of a series of lovers.  Lying next to Dan, feeling his right n****e beneath her fingers, listening to his soft breathing, she knew that she had found another and perhaps final refuge. 

 

Reviews

[JayG]

You're writing this like a report. The only one on stage is the narrator, reporting and explaining. But no one comes to fiction to learn what happened to fictional people. History boos are written in that way and who reads them for fun?

Your reader wants to be made to feel and care, not be informed on events they've not been made to want to know about. Remember, readers are volunteers, not conscripts. Bore them, confuse them, or lecture them and they are gone. They don't want data. They want to feel as if the events are happening to them as they read. As E. L. Doctorow put it: “Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.” And did a single teacher mention that as the goal?

The answer to that is no, because the teacher's job is to help prepare us for employment, in general, not a specific profession. So, we learn to write the letters and reports that employers need from us.

But...not realizing that, and forgetting that they offer degree programs in Commercial Fiction Writing, we assume that writng-is-writing, and what we learned is used for any writing application. The result? Something like this story.

The problem is, our own writing always works for us, because we cheat. W begin reading already knowing the story, the character and their backstory, and what's going on. Plus, we can hear the emotion in the narrator's voice that the reader can't know to place there.

Have your computer read the story to you for an idea of what the reader gets, and how different that is from what you get.

The techniques of fiction are not at all like those you learned in school, and use here. And though I wish I had better news, to write fiction you must use the skills of fiction writing, which are acquired in addition to the skills of school. There is no way around that and no shortcut.

There's no reason you can't learn and master those skills, but learn them you must, if you want to write fiction. But...while that involves a lot of work, if you truly are meant to write, the learning will be filled with "But, that's so obvious. How could I not have seen it, myself?” And when you master those skills, the act of writing becomes a lot more fun.

And to help...

The best book I've found on the basics of how to make your words sing to a reader is Dwight Swain's, Techniques of the Selling Writer. It's an older book, and not the easiest read, but I've found none better. And, because it's out of copyright, it's free on the site linked to below:

https://archive.org/details/TechniquesOfTheSellingWriterCUsersvenkatmGoogleDrive4FilmMakingBsc_ChennaiFilmSchoolPractice_Others

I know this was nothing like what you hoped to see, but given that the problem is one that's invisible to the author, and we'll not address the problem we don't see as being one, I thought you might want to know.

Jay Greenstein
Articles: https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334