Wishing for you

 

            I never imaged that the feelings I felt would ever go away. This endless pain that wrapped round my heart every second in a cold grip of a hand, it has cost me so much. I've lost pretty much everything, my family, my karate, and the one I cared so much about.

The world had taken everything from me and I needed to find my strength.  My family was suffering from the wounds of the divorce my father had wanted. Two weeks before my father returned from his thirteen month IA (Independent Assessment) back to 4s ranch, a small sub city of San Diego, my boyfriend Noah, a tall blonde hair green eyed young man broke my heart in many little pieces. Now that seems like nothing but a normal high school relationship but we where together for ten months.  That is a really long time and I was still dealing with my parent's nasty divorce.  He looked at me with such sad eyes, he handed me his ring. The we had made all our promises on and walked away leaving me broken and lost. Sometime in late November early December I started to spend alot of time with a tall brown haired blue eyed boy who would help me get through the pain and help me find my strength. This is that story; this is how it all begins.

           Before this time pain is something that can be hidden behind forced laughter and smiles. One is only so happy on a daily biases and it's unusual to be extremely happy all the time. On this normal day I was with my friend Kate, a girl whose appearance doesn't stays the same for long and a boy who I knew, but not very well.  I looked at him very confused.

"What's your name?" I asked him realizing then, I had no clue what his name was. He looked at me with a mischievous smile spreading on his face.

  "Copernicus." He answered.

  "Lair!" I exclaimed, looking at Kate who was laughing at us. I turned my glare back to him.

  "What's your real name?" I asked again, refusing to play his little game just because he wanted to mess with me.

   "That is my real name" He chuckles. I playfully smack him and look back at Kate. 

    "What's his real name?"

   "Sean." She replied receiving a mean look from him. I laugh and hug him. Two birds fly over us staying close together in perfect harmony. Soon after that we started spending time together more and talking. Looking back now I realize how blind I was to how much we had flirted.

            One night my parents got into a fight. The worse I've ever hear and as used to them fighting as I was it affected me in such a way that nothing I did could block it out. Music, books games and nothing worked. Finally as my eyes where watering I grabbed my phone and called Sean. He could make me laugh when I needed to. The phone rang once...twice then a silence, before

"Hello"

"Sean," I cried

"Meg what's wrong I can hear the tears." His voice was laced with worry.

"My parents are fighting again. Can you talk to me?" I plead.

"Of course Meggie," he laughed softly. "Want to tell me what's going on?"

"I don't like them fighting with each other. It hurts me so much." My eyes water more, I blink and they fall like rain burning my eyes and cheeks. I curl up with my favorite stuffed hippo on my bed.

 "Aw I'm sorry can I help in anyway?" He asks.

  "No there's not a lot you can do." I sigh sadly. Part of me wishing I was with him so I could hug him. He made me feel safe when I was scared and alone.

  "I know and that bothers me a lot." He answer held a protective tone to it. That's when it hit me like a ton of bricks; he likes me. My reply was blunter then I indented.

 "Do you like me?"  He says nothing for a moment.

 "Yes." there was hope in his voice though his voice was low.

 "Why?" I ask not quit sure what to think.

  "Why what?" Sean replies.

"Why do you like me?" My voice low. I hear my father scream at my mom and I flinch at the sound.

 "A lot of reasons." He answers me gently seeming to know the pain that just stabbed a dagger through my heart. I look at the time 10:25 I was tired; my body ached and my head pounded.

"We'll talk about this later Okays? Night." I yawn. I hear him laugh again

"Night." He sighs and hangs up the phone

            December 13 is a day I will never forget. My mom a women of small size, dark red hair and green eyes worked two jobs just to keep us in California was highly stressed out. On night it seemed worse than normal.  Like most parents do with their kids we fought, but this one was worse. Her tone was flat and cold. All emotions seemed to leave her eyes and voice. I was used to this, her yelling at me for everything and anything. Though I'm sure why she was mad at me I finally got fed up with it. I calmly walked away from her. Upon entering my room I closed and locked my door, not wanting her to talk to me anymore. My heart ached I felt trapped inside my own emotions. A wild bird trapped in a cage when it needs to fly. Sliding to the floor I pull out my phone and call Sean.

"Hello Kitty!" His voice perked on his answer

"Hey," my voice soft enough to hide the pain, but I knew I couldn't hide it from him.

"You okay?" He questioned me. He knows me to well for me to lie to him.

"No, no I'm not." My voice sounded empty, drained.

"Why?" He asked me the worry slipping into his voice. From the sound I know he wanted to hold me close to him and protect me.

"I got into a fight with mom." I answered him.

"Oh," I could barely hear the sadness that weaved into his gentle voice. A moment of silence fall on us before he talks to me again

"Can I ask you something?" I blink confused unsure what he was going to ask me.

"Anything."

"Will you be my girlfriend?" I could imagine his face turn red as the words fall out. My heart stopped and skipped a beat. How could he ask me out so easily? At this point I didn't care he made me happy and sane.

"Yes." was the easiest thing I've ever said.     

            Its funny when you look back at times like these and wonder what if? It's been 11 months since that wonderful day and I am stronger than ever. Life is a pain and hurts when you fail. There is always something to live for. These days I find myself asking what's next because I know this journey is not over.

 

Reviews

[Jamie Raintree]

There is a lot of pain in this piece and I think it's great the way you've channeled it into the story. My favorite line was, "This is that story; this is how it all begins." Very catchy! Most of all, I love how even through the hard times, you come out on a positive note at the end.

[ShappireRose]

OMG I'm so sorry I didn't even notice this till now....It's been two years now