Ages & Archons

Ages & Archons

A Book by Jonathan Lee
"

A space opera.

"

© 2016 Jonathan Lee


Author's Note

Jonathan Lee
This is a work in progress, that is accordingly subject to change. That being said, I welcome any reviews on the book in its present form.

My Review

Would you like to review this Book?
Login | Register




Featured Review

The structure of this fantasy world is quite similar to Star Wars, especially the political organizations (for example, Trade Federation and the Corporate Alliance), though I must give you credit for explaining the physics - such as the influence of different gravities on different world - that is disturbingly lacking in Star Wars. Personally, I find nothing wrong with this franchise being a source of inspiration, for the stories, ideas and settings have a soul of their own.

Although the action in the chapter "Beginning" starts in medias res (not my favourite tool), I liked how you teasingly and slightly broke it with that opening of sorts. I also expected to see that Iqwiloespa by the third chapter, but I guess he will appear somewhere in the middle of the story, so I am going to patiently wait for him.
One more point of prise, I really liked that you developed that world with the inclusion of the Appendixes. They remember me of J. R. R. Tolkien, especially the development of a new language and the "Pronunciation Guide".

While I enjoy your style, I didn't find it quite fitting in the first chapter and part of the second chapter. You bring many notions, settings (three stories), a different language that storms the mind of the reader (and it starts in medias res, even more confusing) that my burdened mind could not focus on words such as "quited", even though it knows what it means. My suggestion would be to keep it a little simpler in the beginning until the reader is immersed in the world, and the political interactions and personal relations become more clear. In the second half of the second chapter I didn't have that problem because I already understood what was going on. I presume your idea was to tease the reader, but that was only partially successful on me because of aforementioned reasons.

One more thing: personally, starting with a fantasy language in the first chapter isn't a problem for me (by the way, why is it absent in the other chapters?), but that might present a problem to readers that are not accustomed to it. I do not know what suggestions I could give you regarding this issue, sorry.

Overall, I liked the story and I will continue to read it. The development of the characters is interesting and compelling. Please do send me a read request when you add new chapters.


Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Jonathan Lee

8 Years Ago

Of course you would compare it to the dreaded prequels, lol! :)

Trying to communicate.. read more
Jonathan Lee

8 Years Ago

P.S: Iqwiloespa was actually born over 2,000 years before the events of the story and is a historic .. read more
Stefano Segnan

8 Years Ago

Well, the reference from the dreaded prequels is merely with the institutions.

If it.. read more



Reviews

The structure of this fantasy world is quite similar to Star Wars, especially the political organizations (for example, Trade Federation and the Corporate Alliance), though I must give you credit for explaining the physics - such as the influence of different gravities on different world - that is disturbingly lacking in Star Wars. Personally, I find nothing wrong with this franchise being a source of inspiration, for the stories, ideas and settings have a soul of their own.

Although the action in the chapter "Beginning" starts in medias res (not my favourite tool), I liked how you teasingly and slightly broke it with that opening of sorts. I also expected to see that Iqwiloespa by the third chapter, but I guess he will appear somewhere in the middle of the story, so I am going to patiently wait for him.
One more point of prise, I really liked that you developed that world with the inclusion of the Appendixes. They remember me of J. R. R. Tolkien, especially the development of a new language and the "Pronunciation Guide".

While I enjoy your style, I didn't find it quite fitting in the first chapter and part of the second chapter. You bring many notions, settings (three stories), a different language that storms the mind of the reader (and it starts in medias res, even more confusing) that my burdened mind could not focus on words such as "quited", even though it knows what it means. My suggestion would be to keep it a little simpler in the beginning until the reader is immersed in the world, and the political interactions and personal relations become more clear. In the second half of the second chapter I didn't have that problem because I already understood what was going on. I presume your idea was to tease the reader, but that was only partially successful on me because of aforementioned reasons.

One more thing: personally, starting with a fantasy language in the first chapter isn't a problem for me (by the way, why is it absent in the other chapters?), but that might present a problem to readers that are not accustomed to it. I do not know what suggestions I could give you regarding this issue, sorry.

Overall, I liked the story and I will continue to read it. The development of the characters is interesting and compelling. Please do send me a read request when you add new chapters.


Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Jonathan Lee

8 Years Ago

Of course you would compare it to the dreaded prequels, lol! :)

Trying to communicate.. read more
Jonathan Lee

8 Years Ago

P.S: Iqwiloespa was actually born over 2,000 years before the events of the story and is a historic .. read more
Stefano Segnan

8 Years Ago

Well, the reference from the dreaded prequels is merely with the institutions.

If it.. read more

Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

284 Views
1 Review
Rating
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on February 21, 2016
Last Updated on March 5, 2016

Author

Jonathan Lee
Jonathan Lee

Tucson, AZ



About
"Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese." - G. K. Chesterton more..

Writing