Sedated

Just a bad day. Most of my poems are produced on bad days lol.

Scatter brained and feeble nerved
Paralyzing mind of frame
Blaming the inevitable
Being…. No
Seeing motionless
Swimming in shadows
Drowning in oakwood floors
Draped in dark corners
Conveying grey moods and blue shades
Slicing away, away at what could never be
Numbing my pride
Stealing my feel
Depriving me of my ability to vibe
What lies beneath the surface is no more
It was intiuitive to obtund
Cause he loved me, hurt me
Sedated me
And left me half undone

Author's Note

I've been told this one is rather complex. Some failed to grasp an understanding. So plain & simple, it's about spiraling. I don't want to give to much away.

Reviews

Some very good pieces you have here. You are now immediately one of my favorite writers.

Good form, good choice of words, well painted imagery (very well painted, fits well with your choice of words, they vibe and create great color).

You have an amazing craft in your writing that it would be nice to see you play around and experiment with new and different styles. Try playing a bit with form, add a preferred or recommended song, try a different setting. You can do so much with the talent you have you will surprise many writers here.

A good piece.

[Glen Yumang Manese]

your said this has it came out as you wrote it...hits the finer areas of your thoughts and just went with this verse...your tone is present and the vindication is down right raw...and at the end of this you leave a bit out for the reader...and your Author's note says that about the verse...

[Kaylor Mason]

I think this was cool. It's about emotionally spiraling out of control--I think. The girl has been betrayed, broken hearted, and has ended up numb in her heart, and worn out and "sedated" by the whole experience. In essence, she's getting tired. That's my take on it, anyway

[BJ "Bunneh3000" Brown]

You know :-D I like how virtually each line has a resonance of it's own. Almost as if you could pull pieces of this poem apart and start a poem around each of these lines! Just a thought!

[*~Imperfectly Me~*]

I'm the same way... my poems usually come from a bad day... To be numb is horrible, i know the feeling... There are many ways this poem can be taken... One in the drowning in hardwood floors and dark corners could be from a horrible day at work.. The way i took this one is that someone broke the persons heart and left them to be numb... I think this is a great poem, personally it could have flowed better but I'm not one to talk about flow... I always get the comment that it needs to flow better so i keep striving to do it one piece at a time... Again a good poem! This had some amazing images in it... my personal favorite was the drowning in hardwood floors... Amazing... Good job!

[fireofunrest]

I love how you introduced the reason of why you were spiraling down. I really loved the ending

"It was intiuitive to obtund
Cause he loved me, hurt me
Sedated me
And left me half undone"

the state you explained was amazing. Great Job!