My Esacpe

Hearing the news cut me like a knife. The only thing that went through my mind was, “Why?” It was like one moment she was here, and the next she was gone…She really is gone. I shut my computer off and climbed into my bed. I stared at the photo that I placed on my wall. That’s all I have left, just a simple picture. I grabbed my ipod and placed the head phones in my ear. I turned the volume up as loud as it can go. This was my only escape. No one can judge me; no one can tell me what not to do. It was like I was in my own little world. Just me, myself and I. I shut my eyes and rested my head on my pillow.
I will always love her,
I will always love her,
I’m nothing without her...
If only she knew how much she meant to me. Theirs not a time where I’m not thinking about her. She is my everything, and forever will be. She showed me things that no one could. She loved me like no one else could. Everyone loved her. She was so beautiful…even though we constantly reminded her, she never believed us. She had the biggest heart I had ever seen. Nothing can compare to the beauty that she brings. Just her smile can easily turn your day around. Without her, what’s the reason to smile? It hurts walking around knowing that the footsteps she used to make wont be their anymore. Staring at the little objects and having the memories come flooding back.
How can she possibly be gone?
Didn’t we show her how much we loved her?
How much I loved her?
I remember one day, sitting on a table where we hung out in the morning. I had my head phones in and my face planted into my hands. Someone came up behind me, put their hand on my shoulder and said,
“You did all you could do. It’s not your fault. In life you live and then you die. You can’t possibly change that. We all miss her but she’ll want us to stay strong.”
“But it’s not fair; she didn’t deserve to go like that. I’m nothing without her.” He sighed, patted my shoulder and walked off with everyone else leaving me alone. I stood up and ripped my head phones out of my ears. I tossed my head phones and slammed my ipod on the ground.
I can’t, I just can’t do it.
Without her I am nothing.
What’s the point of music?
If I can’t have her, then I can’t have anything.
I fell onto my knees and stared at the sky. The blue sky slowly turned to a shade of gray. The sun disappeared behind the mist of the clouds.
Oh God, hear my prayer
I am lost, I need to be found.
Give me the strength that I need to carry on.
Show me the way, lend out your hand.
The clouds slowly began to drift away. In the light I saw her face. She looked at me and I looked at her. She looked as beautiful as she always had. She smiled at me and nodded her head, then disappeared. Strangely enough I smiled to. For I know, she’ll always be there.