The End.

The loss of your love.

Those blue eyes I loved so much, 

That no longer see me,

Oh the dreaded sea.

Your chest, so soft and enjoyable to touch,

Always put me on cloud nine, 

But you are no longer mine.

Your hand in mine, so tight to clutch,

oh how I wish that just once more,

We could be forever more. 

Author's Note

what do you think of the first verse?

Reviews

[emipoemi]

Stanza 1 doesn't really have an antecedent for the last line (that last line just seems like filler and wanting to put a rhyme in for "me")

Stanza 2 is brilliant.

Stanza 3 "forevermore" is one word, but you're also rhyming "more" with "more" which is often frowned upon in poetry.

However, the structure and progression of this is amazing. Simply tweak those two lines and you have a gem on your hands. Well done!

[Ian Craven]

How do you want to change or improve this poem?