Chapter One

Housed within four walls was, by all appearances, a relatively mundane layout; the couch may be held together by the barest of threads and the pipes screeched in protest whenever you ran the water for too long, but for all the myth and legend surrounding the house, it did indeed to appear relatively normal. The electricity had a tendency to flicker thanks to being on the barest proximity to the town's supply, almost as though it were trying to ward intruders away.

 

 After the death of two of the Connelly family within the walls- due to suspicious circumstances that were never discovered- the key had still passed through the ancestry, but the family instead opted for a house within the town itself, hoping to distance themselves from the nasty business and integrate the youngest into the lifestyle of the town. The oldest living Connelly family member was the great-grandson of one of the two deceased brothers, the youngest, Lucas, being aged only nineteen, and the current owner of the key.

 

It was this destination Rachel was on route to. A road trip to the house, owned by the cousins of the current other occupant of the back seat, Emma, had seemed like the best way to spend a few weeks during summer, but the entire five hour drive had been divided between arguments over music, arguments over whether to frequent yet another McDonald's Drive-Thru and arguments over directions.

 

The supposed brains of the group, Cameron was driving, and the self-professed looks of the group Kyle had immediately called shotgun, with the two girls in the back. Rachel and Emma had previously visited the house before, during the summer of their fourth year at high school, and, despite finding the house itself creepy to stay in, Rachel had enjoyed the holiday, even agreeing to extend it a few weeks.

 

Though Emma thought- and made it obvious she believed- it might have something to do with her cousin Lucas.

 

The same teenager who, as they finally pulled up to the house, was seated at the front porch. Being the first to exit the car, even setting eyes on him from this distance reminded her of the summer by the lake. The coarseness around the shadow of his jaw testimony to how he had aged since their last encounter, but despite this, the way his eyes seemed to brighten at the sight of her remained exactly the same, tugging a smile from her lips at the boyish grin he gave her, one that was tinged with the shock of seeing her after so many years had transpired without contact. However, when Kyle and Cameron stepped from the car, trading insults over the hood to one another, the light seemingly flickered, dulling before fading into nonexistence.

 

"Uh, Em? Can I talk to you a minute?"

 

Seemingly oblivious to the change in atmosphere, Emma nodded, following her cousin a few feet away to the deck of the house. From there, as the three who remained exchanged looks, they could hear the tail end of their conversation.

 

"-just meant to be you and a friend-"

 

"-the house can fit all of us Lucas-"

 

"-Do they know?"

 

"-tell them?"

 

Jerking his head in a faint gesture of frustration, Lucas emitted a soft sigh before indulging in a faint eye roll as his hands rose in a gesture of surrender. Jumping down the two steps, he approached the three with an apologetic look.

 

"I'm Lucas. Sorry about that, I wasn't expecting this many people."

 

With a derisive snort, Kyle moved past Lucas with the arrogance only a teenage boy just shy of adulthood could manage, with a quip of, "Whatever, man. Kyle, and that's Cam. This place get cable?"

 

In an attempt to diffuse the tension, as Lucas silently jerked his head in answer to the poised question, Rachel stepped forward, offering him her hand in an attempt at a placating gesture for her boyfriend's offstandish behaviour.

 

Lucas glanced from the proffered hand to her, brow arched as though querying the formality, before shrugging for the second time and shaking her hand.

 

"It's nice to see you again, Rach." He said, speaking in such a soft murmur she wondered how Kyle could hear well enough to turn in a sharp, fluid motion.

 

"Wait, you know this country freak?"

 

He spoke in such a juvenile fashion, brash to the point of bold she found herself throwing a glare in his direction, reserved solely for when he was a particular brand of jackass.

 

"No, he said again because we've just met."

 

Whilst Cameron and Lucas chuckled in the background, Kyle's eyebrows had grown in danger of entwining, and it was with a brisk mutter of, "Whatever," that he stalked into the house, hand driving with such force that the hinges screeched in protest. Ignoring the inquisitive and vaguely amused look Lucas was directing her way, she followed suit, crossing the threshold.

 

The floor was composed of wood, causing it to creak whenever she made the tiniest indication of movement, feeling on the brink of shattering when the wheels of her suitcase crossed.

 

The first thing she noticed upon entering was how cold the place was; the air itself was chilled, causing her to pull her jacket closer around. The house was similar to how she remembered it, the same torn couch, the same aged, dusty bookcase that looked set to break under the weight of numerous volumes, even the same photograph of Lucas’ great-something grandfather Danny. Eerie, since he was found with a snapped neck in the bedroom.

 

“Welcome to my bachelor pad.” Lucas stood before them with a smile, but anyone with eyes could see it was largely directed towards Rachel. “There’s two bedrooms downstairs, two up.

 

“Sweet,” Kyle’s infuriating smirk had returned, sidling past Lucas towards the stairs with his eyebrow raised suggestively at Rachel, “I’ll take one for the team and share.”

 

She rolled her eyes with but conceded with a nod, not before glancing quickly at Lucas, who seemed impassive, saying with a shrug, “The main bedroom has a double bed, but it was where Danny-“ he gestured to the photo, “-Was found.”

 

Kyle sniggered, hauling his holdall over his shoulder, "Thanks for the heads-up, but I'm not scared of a frigging ghost story."

 

Turning to Rachel as he stood at the bottom of the stairs with a query of, "Are you coming?"

 

“Fine, but you’re taking my suitcase.”

 

A chuckle passed his lips as he took the suitcase handle held out to him and the pair ascended the stairs, the sound of the door to the main bedroom closing resounding around the house.

 

"I'll take one of the downstairs," Cameron said, "Makes it easier to go outside for a smoke and not wake you all up."

 

"I'll take the other downstairs," Emma volunteered, rolling her case into the bedroom that was closest to the front door, "Downstairs bathroom has the better shower."

 

If Lucas was annoyed at having to share the floor with Kyle and Rachel he gave no indication, watching his cousin disappear into her claimed room, turning to Cameron before nodding and showing him to his room.

Author's Note

I'm planning on elaborating more on the description of the house itself later, my main concern was getting the first chapter in for the deadline. But let me know what you think, especially about the characters etc. though they'll be expanded more as the story develops :)

Reviews

[Shaquana Adams]

Like you said the characters could use a little more expanding. But then again, this is only the first chapter. It's been years since I read a horror book, but as a reader I'd like to see more initial action that will make me genuinely concerned for the characters. But that goes back to what I said before since people won't care about people they can't relate to or don't know very well. I think this is a good starter draft and you've got the formula for a pretty good story here. Good work! :)

[A. Amos]

My friend what a great story teller you're! God I was reading and same time in flashback was watching a movie. Simply brilliant work...congrats

[LiteraryLout]

Considering how close you were to skirting around the deadline, the work you've produced is pretty damn impressive. While I'm somewhat unsure as to the relationships between your characters, I can identify the archetypes.

I'm looking forward to a story that spooks my socks off, Shannon!

[TaciturnPhantom]

Heya. I think this is a good start to what looks like will be an interesting and intriguing novel. You have an interesting concept here: people staying in what seems to be a house with a dark past. You have left me curious and wanting to find out more about the house and its history. Your dialogue is also very realistic and hints at the personality traits of a few of your characters such as Kyle.

I do believe that you could work on your character development in order to improve your chapter. I found it difficult to build an image of the characters and to grasp the concept of their personalities in my mind as I read your chapter. It was also difficult to connect with the characters since only a few snippets of emotional language were involved.

It's a good chapter. I hope you continue to write more!