Old Memories

A journey to the oldest memories of life.

I can remember the very first day,

When I left my home and then lost my way..

I can remember the very first time,

When I learnt to say that old English rhyme…

 

I can remember my very first sight

Of a rising sun that looked red and bright..

I can still remember my oldest dream

Which woke me up at night and made me scream…

 

I can still smell the scent of the wet earth

When it rained for the first time since my birth..

I can still remember that small round face

Of a cute girl who played with me those days..

 

I can still remember that first love song

And the days when I hummed it all day long..

The memory of my very first love

Still flies in my heart like a cute white dove..

Reviews

[The Iron Horseman]

Touching. I enjoyed this very much. My only criticism would be that the final line of verse three staggers both the meter and the rhyming scheme. Well done.

[Shanmugam]

thank you... Are you talking about the line 'Of a cute girl who played with me those days.' ?... Can you let me know what exactly is that, because I made sure it had 10 syllables as the other verses and also 'face' rhymes with 'days'... if you give me some more information on the staggering you are talking about, it will be very useful for me..

[The Iron Horseman]

Yes, that is the line, and yes, it has the same number of syllables. But 'face' does not rhyme with 'days'; it does rhyme with 'dace', but that's a fich! :) Seriourly though, it is something about the combination of the "Of" at the start and the mismatched rhyme. It's hard to be more specific.
I would probably replace it with something like:
Smiling, happy, dressed in white lace.
But, hey, that's hust me! It's your poem!

[The Iron Horseman]

'Fich' should be 'fish' ! lol