The Avenger part 4: The Darkest Day: Chapter 1

the fourth part to the story after the events of "Hell On Earth" Still needs some edits Intro and chapter 1

Part 4: The Darkest Day

 

Introduction

 

Several days after the events on earth, the day when many lives perished and many lives were saved. The day when people witnessed the near inevitable end of everything. However, fate was kind and on that day; the world was saved. The day still leaves deep memories of one particular person. When he arrived on earth he was rejected, hated and was left to die on a dark rainy night. On one particular day however, he became something people needed, something people wouldn’t expect, something they prayed for.

 A hero.

 When they needed a saviour in dire times, when everything was in the balance. He gave a miracle. After his great sacrifice, When everyone’s prays were answered people questioned their beliefs, and were left to reflect on that day.

The people of Birmingham, who had become silent after these events, still remain recovering from those events, losing loved ones, watching their homes torn apart, wishing for something incredible once more to happen in their lives. Much has changed since these events; Eva has now started University and has now moved house with her family to the outskirts of London. Although she has a new life now, Matius still remains in her heart.

On one summer day Eva is lying on her pink bed in her bedroom. Perfume and nail varnish are littered on the floor. Stuck on her walls are posters of Johnny Depp and a poster of Blink 182. On her desk is her silver mirror, one which her mother bought her along with ornamental objects, given to her by her Nan. Since Matius died she has felt alone, as if a part of her life has gone.

 Eva opens her eyes in a daze and leans back along her bed lazily looking up at her ceiling, worried. Something doesn’t seem right in her mind. She turns over looking at her wall seeing newspaper cuttings that she’s collected placed across like notes, each one with photographs of Matius. Her eyes focus onto one in particular, when she had her second encounter with him. When she first saw him she was scared and afraid. The next time she saw him for what he truly was. She takes the newspaper cutting from the wall and looks at it. Her eyes turn watery, bringing back the memories. She remembers that night when he saved her life, they became good friends and since then have always stood side by side. Her parents knew about him and were against the idea. Worried about gaining unwanted attention She lies back down on the bed unsettled and thinks, “Where are you?"

 

 

 

 Chapter 1:

 

 Somewhere on a distant plane Matius finds he has regained consciousness. Slowly, he opens his eyelids and finds himself blinded by sudden bright light. In reaction he squints, covering his eyes, the light burns. After several seconds he soon adjusts to his surroundings. Relieved he lowers his hands down, noticing everything around him is white, the walls ceiling, everything. He looks down noticing there are no shadows cast beside him. Cautiously he puts his hand down besides his leg, only finding he is sitting on nothing.

 "So you've come around". Matius instinctively looks to his right and sees a familiar figure. A figure made up of ash of all the people he’s killed, using their skin for protection. His eyes, completely opaque, instantly fix on Matius, surely raging inside. This triggers Matius’s memory of their fight in Hell, his power and ruthlessness. Scared, he tries hard not to look at him. Matius notices that the creature’s body is much weaker; his body appears damaged, bits of ash seem weak as if he could fall apart any second. Thinking this, small pieces start to break away and crumble, landing on the floor. Breaking into ash piles. Matius remains silent.

 "I must say you surprise me", the being announces in a weak, cold voice. Slowly lifting his head, looking directly up at Matius. Suddenly, in a split-second, the being leaps towards Matius. His hands of black ash are within centimetres of Matius’s face when they violently impact against an invisible wall. Making Matius back away in reaction.

 

They remain outstretched before he weakly puts them down, scraping against the wall in annoyance. Matius looks at him, "Why the hell are you here?” somewhat puzzled. Dervish raises his head annoyed, “We both died because of you” Dervish rubs on his arm, frustrating Matius. “Hey I’m talking to you! Why are you here? and where the hell are we?" Matius asks demandingly as his eye sockets blink. The being looks up slowly, scowling at Matius, "When you die your soul goes to one final place where you will be given judgment. This is that place." He pauses, frowning. In doing so small fragments disintegrate from his face. "It’s where your fate is determined, where things must come to an end. If you were good in the eyes of others, you will go to heaven. If you were a sinner, you will perish in hell”. The creature closes his white-pupiled eyes, leaning back, smoke billows from him, "and if you wish for a new beginning you will be granted a new life, to become something entirely new."

 The being arrogant of his defeat ignores Matius and focuses his attention elsewhere. Noticing something about his arm, he looks back down at it, watching it eyes fixed like an eagle's stare. "I am dying", Dervish announces, in a morbid tone. With such delicacy he reaches, breaking off a part of his arm and watches it disintegrate into flakes of ash. He looks up into the air in desperation, "I need to feed", he mutters to himself slightly angered, still looking at his arm. His voice rises. “This will not hold me, I WILL be free..." Matius turns to looks at the being. "Look you monster! I don't care if you're dying! I don't care about you! And there's no chance... you cannot escape we are both trapped here. Forever!" As the being hears these words his face turns evil, revealing the face of the monster within. Slowly he turns towards Matius smiling sinisterly, black smoke pours forth from his body. The smoke flickering, "Watch me."

Then the being’s body starts to break apart turning into thick dense smoke. It comes alive circling in his invisible cell, trying to find a weak spot. Matius can only watch in horror, banging his hands against the invisible walls that hold him. He then starts to panic; “if he escapes he'll kill everyone!” In the creature’s cell the ash smoke starts to fill the cell, pressing against the invisible walls which start to weaken. Hairline fractures spread across the cell. Dark, thick smoke pours through the cracks. Out of the cell the smoke glides slowly taking shape of the being.

 Unleashed from his cell, his feet casually tread the floor, blackening it as he makes his way down the corridor. Matius can only watch in horror, still trapped.  As he walks casually down the hall, Parts of him reform, the smoke filling in the gaps left, rebuilding him. Matius can only watch, seeing the being turn a corner. Completely ignoring Matius, the being enters a new room.

 The room itself is a large low area, with orbs in rows upon rows. Each orb is in different colours, shimmering randomly, on closer expection it shows people’s lives of old and new. The creature takes in all the beauty and heads across the large room hearing the different voices; talking, shouting, crying and laughing. He continues walking, in no rush. Smoke billows behind him. He glares at the globes, looking at all these lives. Thinking how he could easily tear their spirits apart. He stops in his tracks hearing someone mention Matius’s alias. The being turns his head with interest and sees inside the orb of light seing a boy in his bedroom talking about Matius. The being approaches the soul, eyeing it with deadly intentions; a smile spreads across his face. Lowering his head he reaches for it, his arm breaks away piece by piece, entering the boy’s very soul, blackening it by his touch.

 

Matius meanwhile has tried to use brute strength slamming his hands against the walls with no success. In frustration he kicks out at the wall. Before getting to his sense. He calms himself down in his cell and closes his eyes, concentrating on his energy. Reaching from within to call upon the power of his being, he begins to emit a blue glow, steadily getting lager. The power of the glow expands inside the cell, increasing the intensity, Matius’s head starts to sweat. After a while cracks start to form, getting larger as the intensity increases. With the strain of energy inside, the cell gives way. Matius rushes from the cell and down the corridor. "Please, don't let me be too late." he thinks to himself, bolting down the corner to the room filled with souls. Ahead he sees the creature who’s eyes turn towards Matius. In desperation Matius makes a desperate grasp for him. At that moment, the being dissipates into smoke, seeping into the orb. The boy’s soul becomes blacker and darker from the creatues spirit. In frustration Matius collapses onto this knees and screams. Trapped with no means of escape.

Author's Note

There is still room for editing and some bits need changing.

Reviews

[Irish_Ranger]

Don't take my words as harsh, but there were a lot of errors in this. Much of the punctuation and sentence structure could use a heavy re-working, as like some of the others, I was confused as to who was talking and where I should place my attention.

Also, I think an explanation as to who these characters are would be appropriate, rather than just throwing names onto them. In every story, a character needs some sort of introduction, even if it's just one line that describes that person in a nutshell. I found this to be a major problem with the first few paragraphs, where we first hear of Matius and Eva. Without giving either of these characters a proper introduction as to who they are, it's going to make a reader feel very lost.

It also comes up again with Dervish: Although you do provide a bit of backstory as to who Dervish is, we really don't know who this creature is until its name suddenly pops up. You could either put the character's name in a portion where you're visually introducing the character (which you do pretty well), or just have Matius use it. For example: "What the hell are you doing here, Dervish?"

Generally, I think this is a good attempt for a first chapter. We're given a clear example of who is the protagonist/antagonist, an immediate conflict, and a decent amount of backstory. However, it'll be much better with some major technical work, making sure it's readable, a trait that I believe is a necessity with any tale.

[Ravyne Hawke]

I love the storyline of this, but I think it would help if you developed the characters more, or at least gave an introduction to this story that sums up who all of the characters are and what has happened in the previous 3 parts of the story. Overall, an wonderful beginning to this story.

[Althelia Marie Caine]

Its GREAT!

[Ashley]

i agree with nickygl that it was, at times, difficult to tell who was talking. this is certainly intriguing and imaginative. it is a well written first chapter that piques interest. well done.

[NickyGL]

This is GREAT, but i got lost with who was talking....

[Jeremy Wyatt]

Good stuff, will move on to read more!

[*[[ Cadence ]]*]

Im definatly hooked, cant wait to read more (^_^)

[Shane Williams]

I will edit it in the future

[Althelia Marie Caine]

A few errors but over all, very good work. I look forward to reading more

[Chris Smith Welshpoetcs]

Definitely peaked my interest. I will be coming back for more my friend.