Chapter 2

Chapter 2

 

They all leave the house Osaris shutting the door behind them. After much walking they arrive at the market place. Always a busy place to be, with crowds of people always ready to get the newest deals and latest offers available. Also the place where many go to get money, as beggars, street performers or thieves. They make their way through the crowd, stall owners and street performers. Matius keeps close knowing he could lose them any second. As they make their way through the busy crowd a stall owner far ahead signals over to her. Acknowledging this she turns to Osaris, “I will be back in a moment, I just need to stock up on our food, and talk to a old friend”, he nods in agreement as she walks casually towards the stall owner leaving Matius and Osaris alone. Osaris looks down to Matius, “Well it’s just the two of us now”. Bored he looks around the market until he sees something which grabs his attention, “Say... why don’t we check out that stall?” Looking directly ahead a large stall with many different weapons on display.  Excited Matius makes his way towards it pushing his way through the crowd. “Weapons on sale, here today! Swords, knifes, axes, maces! All property of the hell’s army! Roll up roll up!” As Matius is looking Osairs comes over to the stall looking at the seller who notices Osaris “Aha Osaris we meet again, here of all places”. Both of them greet each other, “it’s been a long time my friend, too long”. The stall owner turns to look at Matius. “Say... is this your son?”. Osaris looks down to Matius, before turning to his friend. “Yes that’s my boy”.
  “Wow the boy sure does have your traits eh?”, Osaris gives a chuckle, “he reminds me of you when you first went to training grounds. Man those were the days.” “So what are you doing these days man?” the stall owner asks. “Me ohh you know I’m still with the army, and looking after my son here. “You’re still in the army? You should retire, you’ve been there for the past 40 years now, isn’t it time you quit?” Sousan lowers his head in thought. “Yer you’re probably right, but that place it’s been a part of my life for soo long now. It’s hard to let go”. Well I will catch up with you.. He is an old friend of mine. He used to work in the forces, like me. But after several months he found his true purpose in life, in bringing enlightment to young people like you”. Matius looks up to Osaris giving a smile. Just as he does this.... comes from behind them, “... let’s head back home”

 

In the royal palace gardens on a hot summer day the two brothers now grown called Ivan and Dervish take a stroll in the garden courtyard of the royal palace. As the years have gone past Ivan has grown black coal hair with crimson coloured eyes, like his mother. Dervish meanwhile has grown thick dark brown hair, spiked to express his youthful attitude, with grey pale eyes. Both in the gardens are wearing their robes of office with patterns knitted and made with colours of royalty shinning well. Ivan turns his attention to a red flower amongst the others more vivid in colour. Mesmerized by it’s brilliance he reaches his bare hand towards it.
  Just as he’s about to reach it Dervish yanks his hand back just as the flower trys to take a snap at Ivan. The flower missing it’s target moves back to it’s original position remaining motionless. “Not all flowers are nice”, Ivan mentions, “I had one like that bite me and it hurt for days”. Ivan raises his hand to his face, imagining what would have happened, looking back at Dervish in thanks. “Don’t worry about it! We are brothers and need to look out for each other. Dervish puts his arm around Ivan giving a smile.

 

They advance deeper into the garden with several gardeners tending to the flowers in need of water going down the rows of flower beds. Both Ivan and Dervish approach a water fountain, Ivan lifting himself onto the ledge for comfort. “Hey Dervish! What do you want to be when you’re older?”. “What do I want to be?” Dervish questions, “that’s a silly question I want to become a great fighter of hell, and be famous! What about you?” Ivan lowers, “I don’t know” giving a weak smile. Just as he says this a robed man interrupts their conversation. “Ahh there you two are, your father wants to see you”. Ivan and Dervish raise their heads before following the figure.

  “Ahh Dervish, Ivan it’s good to see you” Sousan announces moving down towards them. “I hear both of you have given great attention to the rights both of you have in the nearing future. That one of you will take my place once my fall. “Yes father, that’s true”, Ivan admits, “but we’re not sure IF we understand” It’s very simple really. There will come a time when my life may pass away as ruler of this realm. When this happens a new ruler will have to claim the throne. One of you will have to take my place, the other will either die or become a protector. Whoever wins gains the respect, loyalty and love from all here”. “You mean fight each other? But we can’t do that, we’re brothers!” Sousan lowers his head in silence, “I know it’s hard but life will always give you hard choices. Choices to test and mould who YOU are. Hard choices are what make men” Both Dervish and Ivan look down absorbing this information, “you may not believe it but I myself have gone through the exact ritual” “Then who was your brother?” Dervish asks moving forwards. “I...I do not wish to speak of his name, it brings back troubled memories. That will be all”.

 

Back at Osaris’s house they get back home, eating Osaris eating in silence remembering his friends words. Perhaps he should retire the army at his age, it’s rare for people to survive in the army for his length of time but it was his life, he couldn’t turn his back on it. He then turns to look at Matius but I have a family now, If I serve in the forces more I might die, then I’d never... Osaris lowers his head deep in thought. ... notices this looking at him, “is something wrong?” No... Everything’s just fine. Will you excuse me for a moment?..” Osaris lifts himself from his chair before walking away from the table heading instantly upstairs. Matius watches him obviously worried.

 

Later at night Osaris remains awake unable to sleep, still in conflict over the choice. As he starts thinking about going into bed he hears banging from downstairs, he turns his attention towards the door before making his way downstairs. In annoyance he swings open the front door finding several men of his outside. “What are you guys doing out here at this time?” “We just came to talk one of his soldiers protests,. “So what’s been happening?” Sousan questions unimpressed “There have been disappearances recently in the army academy” Osaris’s face suddenly turns serious leaning forwards “How come? Surely something would have been resolved?”  “Awhile back there were traders going missing after trecks into the wildlands. This got soldiers from the academy involved as men did go in search parties, but none have come back since”. “What do you think will happen?” “If no men are reported back by tomorrow. They will likely have a squad of higher class go to investigate the incident”, “But that could mean couldn’t it?” “Possibly yes, but hopefully it won’t come to that. Thanks for your time, we will keep in touch with any updates on this situation”. Osaris gives a nod, “we are sorry we disturbed you”. Osaris watches his men walk into the distance before makes his way up the stairs.

 

At the top step however is Matius looking at him, “were they from the forces?” Matius questions. Osaris gives a sigh closing his eyes, “yes Matius, my own men”.”What did they want?”, Matius asks. “It’s none of your business son”, Osaris replies defensively,  “it’s private”. Osaris watches as Matius rubs his eyes in frustration. “Can’t you sleep?”, Osaris asks as Matius moves his hands away.  “Nooo i can’t”. They both head up the stairs as Matius suddenly stops. “Father before you go, please can tell me that story you was going to tell me?”, Matius asks. Osaris freezes by the doorway, turning to look back at Matius’s beaming face. Sighing he walks towards the bed, resting on it. “Okay Matius I will tell you a story well... about a man. A man with bravery, vision and belief” Matius gets himself comfortable, moving in the bed.

 

 “There once was a young man, a man of opportunity whose vision was clear as day. He lived with a poor family barely living through their lives. Each passing day he felt hunger and strive, begging in the streets for food.  Many passers by ignored his pleads; however those kind and pure hearted offered their help. At nights the young boy would cry to the gods in his sleep. Asking why he would be cursed this way, what had caused him to receive such judgment? His questions went unheard. He knew only one way to get change, to get salvation. In order to bring change, he had to make change himself. To become a great man, just like those erected in the greater realms of hell”. “With a sense of urgency he left his poor family travelling through the pouring rain in search for help, a chance for his name to be heard. For him and his family”.

 “So what did he do?” Matius asks, tinged with interest. “After much walking he came across a traveller, wise and old. In words he spoke of one place where legends are held. In the libraries of heaven, where stories, secrets and weapons are held. He travelled to heaven headstrong. He arrived in heaven with many eyes watching him. He felt small, fearful and very lost. He collapsed onto the ground in frustration before a angel came before him. Seeing the boy nothing of a threat the angel guided the young boy to the sanctum of the library. He searched though the library for days on end, each book giving him nothing but disappointment. Just when he began to lose faith a book fell down from the shelve above, lying face down for him to see. He pressed his fingers against the page in intrest. “The alvara”, a carnivous vicious beast which dwells in the lands of the forgotten, hunting at night when there is no light to be seen”.
  “With his target set and with rekindled hope he set off into the wildlands of hell”.

 Matius turns towards his father, moving uncomfortably. “Dad... what are the wildlands?”, he asks turning towards his father in confusion. His father gives a smile, “Matius, the wildlands are a place where no feet tread, only the dammed and the forgotten rest there. It has relentless winds strong enough to peel the very flesh from your bones and creatures of the night who roam there”. “Anyway he made his way into the wildlands, step after difficult step. Cloaked and covered well in protection from the winds that blow and the creatures that bite. His feet became tired and torn but still he pressed on, heading towards his destiny. Ready to face the one thing that stood between his salvation.
  “After several hours of restless walking he grew tired and waited for the sun to set and for the moon to rise. Tired the boy lit a fire for warmth, unaware of the danger it brought.

 In the rocks high above the Alvara watches in interest, its black soulless eyes fixed upon him, patiently waiting. The boy raises his head, hearing a scream in the wind. He shifts is gaze seeing his target in the rocks high above. It’s teeth bare dripping blood from a fresh kill. The young man watched the demon through the flickering flames of the fire, its eyes yearning for flesh. They both circle the firelight, waiting for a moment to strike. With it’s hunger the demon leaped high into the air, through the flames of the fire. With quick thinking the man gripped his weapon tight and launched it at the beast. His aim was true, thrusting it deep into the demon’s throat. With the demon finally put to rest the man carried the demon through the wild lands, through hell, through the streets where he was seen and finally through the corridors of the royal palace itself. Tired from exhaustion the man dropped it at his feet for all those to see. Their eyes fixed upon the carcass of the defeated beast. The ruler raised his eyes in respect to the young stranger. Before the palace halls burst into applause”.

 

“What happened then” Matius asks still. “What happened next? Please please tell me!” Osaris gives a chuckle amused by Matius’s Enthusiasm. “Well my son after his ordeal he and his family became renown and the young man became a legacy. Over the next few days his name spread and a statue was made in his honour placed in the royal throne courtyard. However as time passed new legends were born and made and the old ones were soon forgotten”. Matius leans forward lazily, but what happened to him?” His father leans back uncomfortably, “Well he died of old age and his body was placed in one of the pillars in the palace hall so he would be remembered”. “Now Matiusit’s it’s way past your bed time now, off to sleep. Just remember never forget the legends of the past and respect your elders”.

“Father before you go...” Matius questions, “will you be quitting the forces. To be with us?” Osaris glances at Matius, “I can’t guarantee that son”. Osaris watches Matius fall asleep before heading back into bed.

 

Osaris watches Matius fall asleep before giving a little smile as he walks out of his bedroom. He heads into his bedroom before falling asleep. Later in the night he hears knocking at the front door. Osaris face turns to annoyance as lifts himself out of the bed, heading down stairs. Who on earth would ring the door bell at this time? He questions as his hand grips onto the door knob. He swings the door open finding his soldiers outside looking at him grimly. “We just had confirmation that another squad has been K.I.A, in the wildlands. Tomorrow we will be going into the wildlands to investigate the situation. We need you to be with us...” Osaris lowers his head in frustration, “I guess I don’t have a choice…do I?”.Osaris’s soldiers lower their heads, “the higher ups are also asking for an audience with you”. Osaris closes his eyes looking back into the house,  “Alright, just come for me when you’re ready. Just…just let me have some time with my family…”Osaris’s soldiers look back at Osarisin understanding, “as you wish”.

 

Reviews

[dw817]

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The first paragraph you have, which is pretty long, should have a division every time new text is spoken. It's okay to have a descriptor in the beginning or end, but after that you should have a separation, especially with a new speaker.

Change,
Acknowledging this she turns to Osaris, “I will be back in a moment, I just need to stock up on our food, and talk to a old friend”, he nods in agreement as she walks casually towards the stall owner leaving Matius and Osaris alone. Osaris looks down to Matius, “Well it’s just the two of us now”. Bored he looks around the market until he sees something which grabs his attention, “Say... why don’t we check out that stall?”

To,
Acknowledging this she turns to Osaris, “I will be back in a moment, I just need to stock up on our food, and talk to a old friend.”

He nods in agreement as she walks casually towards the stall owner leaving Matius and Osaris alone. Osaris looks down to Matius, “Well it’s just the two of us now.”

Bored he looks around the market until he sees something which grabs his attention. In this Osaris adds, “Say... why don’t we check out that stall?”

. . .

See how this is a little easier to read ? Your readers will thank you, let me assure you. The more you can lead them by the hand when you are writing, especially where there are trouble points in the story and there is a -chance- someone can not know whom is speaking.

The more you can correct for this and simplify it, the more your readers can get into your story and not get lost in lengthy paragraphs of whom said what. :)