Revolving Daydreams

Water shimmers in midday sun.

White slabbed paths feel light,

 dry gusts of wind.

Leaves drop silently from trees.

The wind picks up.

The wind dies down.

Featureless winds.

Featureless windows.

Featureless doors.

This is a clean, symmetrical city.

This city lays empty.

Light now,

 where shadows once stood...

Where shadows of the mind now stand.

No cars,

just white slabbed paths....

 and shadows of the mind.

The building,

seemingly made of cubic zirconia,

Standing there!

Just standing there.

Windows,

so seemingly 'Fragile',

you would just fall through.

Windows so seemingly fragile

you just fall through.

It seems a thought has escaped me,

reverberating  so frequently,

that it has pierced and reverberated throughout

every windows being! 

The cubic zirconia takes more time;

cracking and grinding,

before its top gives way.

For a moment,

 the glass and cubic zirconia

fall on everyone;

but the slow sun rises,

and the ruins shine.

Author's Note

cubic zirconia
an artificial crystal resembling a diamond in refraction, dispersion, hardness, and color, used in jewelry. Abbreviation: CZ

Reviews

[Ashley_Pietro]

your use of repetition proves to be very effective. i also appreciate your use of nature vs. industry...in my personal interpretation, it provides a clear difference between the worlds you paint in this poem. i enjoyed it thoroughly. thanks for sharing your work!

[Shane Hogan Poetry]

Thank you Ashley, I look forward to hearing more from you!

[BlackHeart]

I enjoyed this work every much and your contrast and the nature vs industry was great. You did a great job and thank you for sharing the great work.

[luna rose]

A very well-structured depiction of city life. There is a melancholy to urbanization which you interpreted very beautifully. I enjoyed it very much!

[paras]

both coal and diamond are black at start but a diamond shines for eternity when polished while rest all fake things fade away..!! great write :)

[Desiree]

Wow, haven't seen ya in a while. Glad I had this on my "To Read" list. Love it once again! To me, I read that what you think and what you see somehow still find beauty.

[Shane Hogan Poetry]

Thanks :)...................

[Einstein Noodle]

even genuine diamonds only shine in the light ... and the biggest light of all (in the natural world) outshines them all ... and i love the description of our fragile cities ... they all do inevitably crumble .. good job security for builders but even better reminder of mortality ... enjoyed many aspects of your poem
E.

[icelandicblue]

All is not what it seems in this futuristic piece. I couldn't help but think of A Wrinkle In Time.

[M. L. Zane]

The imagery of a false diamond adds a lot to this. It's also clever that you included a definition for what exactly IS the infamous fake diamond, and I can't help but think this would make an interesting foot note were this in print.

I'm seeing a trend in your work concerning the 'frail world', and much of your work seems to revolve around that. It might do you good to do a series of poems all in this setting, or perhaps a small story. The idea of an individual stuck in a world of glass, with each step potentially shattering the ground beneath them, is something you could explore and probably do a lot with.

Obviously, I have little else to say, but I did notice a formatting issue. This happens a few times, but I'll list one example:
"White slabbed paths feel light,
dry gusts of wind."

You have an extra space after "dry". I see why you did it, and it does line up the W and D of both lines nicely. However, be wary of this extra space if and when you post it elsewhere. Those invisible marks are very visible to a computer, and as I can unfortunately attest when formatting my own work, it is only a matter of time before one extra key press throws off your formatting. Though there's nothing wrong with this, you should always, always be wary.

Beyond that, fine work. Let me know what you think of Song of Sinai should you decide to read it.

Regards,
-M.L. Zane

[paddy d daly]

the feeling of a futuristic city stumbled upon and found deserted is the main thread i find running through this, very descriptive, great imagery....