The lump in my throat is dryly swallowed. I breed out but feel sick
as the air draws back to my lungs. You don't even know but in seconds, you have changed my life completely. Momentary but eternal, I felt life's chemical rush. I feel life changing. In a succession of seconds, I seen your mothers eyes waiting for mine; In silence she waited for the grey to pass. We then knew that we did not matter anymore. No single thing was unknown, No single thought was not you. I feel something deep inside, it starts too flow through me. Love ferments in unconditional purity, with thought of you. The butterfly's dance too my cardiac rhythm. A true friendship relaxes the moment with humor. The road we travel twists and turns but still we drive on. This is the end of life as we know it but still we drive on unflinching. I sit back and wait and think. In three minutes It feels I have spent a lifetime with you. In three minutes I have spent a lifetime with you. "Negative" and just like that, I watched you disappear. In a single word you were erased. It all turns grey and I walk into an old world with a new contrast. I walk in the Nobel mans direction, following with an enlightened mind. I do not stay without reason; and so I must think, neither did you.
Good heavens this is deep! So interesting, it deserves more study. First impressions are the moments of awareness that we all experience sometimes when we love at first sight. Very thoughtful poem. My favourite lines are:- In three minutes It feels I have spent a lifetime with you.
In three minutes I have spent a lifetime with you.
This is so true of love at first sight, but I ever seen it put so well in two lines. Well done.
There is a lot of love combined with pure despair in this piece. You capture the raw emotion of love in it's early stages so very well. Love at first sight....it's hard and the unfortunate thing is it can be gone just as quickly as it was found leaving a void.
3 minutes more than enough for eternal bonds to be built, to dance in joy or writhe in pain.
3 minutes is all that it takes for a memory to concretise, be it colourful or grey.
Those 3 minutes experienced, has been beautifully made sense of and accepted by you.
My fave line has to be : "I do not stay without reason; and so I must think, neither did you."
In my opinion: You've portrayed such grief, but at the same time such beauty in handling and accepting the grief. Knowing that there must have been a greater reason when "Negative" happened. Such strength in character. A beautiful mind, you have right there. You had me glued throughout, as though watching the events unfold. Almost as if I was physically there. Have to say, its truly a beautiful poem, Shane! I just rose from sleep, in bed and this is the first piece of my reading for today. Simply beautiful!
Thank you!
Happy Holidays and a Merry Xmas to you!
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
Thank you so much! This review has made my Christmas eve!
very compelling, makes me want to keep reading! If I had to critique, I would like to have seen a little more structure and fluid transitions between lines, but maybe that's just your style. very pleasant to read!
Time is a very good tool for poetry and writing. Seconds can feel like hours if we are in a certain position. I like the situations and the thoughts in the poem. You create a interesting vision. I did like the closing lines. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
This is probably one of the most accurate and understanding reviews I have received! Thank you for y.. read moreThis is probably one of the most accurate and understanding reviews I have received! Thank you for your time my friend!
Maybe later. I work tonight. I work 55 hours in four days and I get four days off. I will return and.. read moreMaybe later. I work tonight. I work 55 hours in four days and I get four days off. I will return and read more of your work.
Good heavens this is deep! So interesting, it deserves more study. First impressions are the moments of awareness that we all experience sometimes when we love at first sight. Very thoughtful poem. My favourite lines are:- In three minutes It feels I have spent a lifetime with you.
In three minutes I have spent a lifetime with you.
This is so true of love at first sight, but I ever seen it put so well in two lines. Well done.
Am reading you in a kitchen in St.Albans, with an empty bowl of porridge before me. Grey n wet it is outside. Big shout Leinster boy! I think I've spent about 5 minutes with you .. will spend more anon. I like the notion of 'unconditional purity' driving things.
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
I hope it has left you as fulfilled as your porridge! thank you for your comment!
Every now and than my mind will read something and think of music not sure if this work but it is where the mind went https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8oUuu_bUxtU
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
oh the mind is a great thing for seeing something in a new form.