Chapter 2: After Breaking

The Child with the Broken Soul has been born this is the continuation of her life until she reaches college.

Chapter 2: After Breaking

         Officer Carl Jamison was sitting in his well heated police car enjoying his break on an unnaturally cold February 12, 1999. He poured himself a warm cup of coffee from his travel mug and grabbed his fresh hotdog slathered in chili and cheese. It was close to four in the afternoon, even though it appeared much later than that outside, and he was over do for his break. Today had been ridiculously long and tiring. His shift had started out with chasing down to known gang members causing him to nearly get stabbed. Then before he could finish calling it in he was told by dispatch that he was to go to a marital dispute, if you can call it that. A husband and wife were arguing rather loudly about how much time the husband spends watching television. It took him close to three hours to get them to calm down. Once back in his vehicle he was told of a hostage situation not far from his location. The hostage situation took up another two hours of his time along with him getting shot at repeatedly; some bullets nearly hitting him. This put Officer Jamison in a rather bad mood and his rage was building.

         Officer Jamison sighed thinking of today’s events and started to regret his career path. He pushed the thoughts from his mind and returned to enjoy his break. He lifted the coffee up to his mouth; he could see and feel the heat. He took a small sip and felt his inside instantly warm. With that one sip all today’s hardships melted away. He put the cup down and unwrapped his chili cheese dog; the smell was intoxicating. He smiled widely and brought it to his mouth.

         “Officer Jamison this Angelina from dispatch are you there? Over.”

         Officer Jamison whimpered; he was so close to eating his hotdog. Never mind he will just ignore it. He returned to bringing the delicious hotdog to his mouth. “Office Jamison are you there? You are greatly needed. Over.”  Came the voice of Angelina through the scanner. He put his head back on the head rest and sighed miserably. ‘So close.’ He thought to himself in contempt.  He put down the hotdog feeling his anger rise again and picked up the microphone.

         “Yes Angelina this is Officer Jamison. What can I do for you?” He responded with his voice shaking slightly but doing his best to not let the anger show. 

         “Hello Officer Jamison. I am so sorry to bother you but we received a 911 call from a little girl at one hundred and fifty Continental Street in the Huntington Apartments apartment number four. Are you anywhere near that location?”

         He sighed again; he knew that area very well ever cop did. It was where all the addicts and dealers lived. The last thing he wanted to deal with was some strung out addict hallucinating and trying to kill him. However, he was at most fifteen minutes away and since it was close to four and people were getting out of work all the other police officers would be crazy busy.

         “Yes Angelina I’m fifteen minutes away, but is there anyone else you can send I’m just now sitting down for my break.” It was more of a statement than a question he hadn’t eaten since he left for work this morning and he wanted that damn hotdog.

         “I’m afraid not Officer there was a bad accident on eighty-one and I’m afraid that every other officer in the area has gone to help with that.”

         “Of course there is.” He said to himself before responding. “Okay Angelina I’m on my way.” He slammed the microphone down and put his seat belt on.

         “Thank you Officer Jamison.” Angelina said sweetly.

         “Yep.” He said as he put the car in drive, “this better be good.”

         Officer Carl Jamison arrived about eighteen minutes later to the Huntington Apartments. The place was barren there was barely a handful of cars in the parking lot. He looked up at the apartments and made a small sound of disgust. The place looked filthy and he could only imagine what he was going to encounter inside. He got out of his police car and headed to apartment number four; his hand on his gun. With the day he was having he wasn’t taking any chances. He found apartment number four rather easily and knocked on the door.

         “This is the police, please open up.” He said firmly; he heard a door slam somewhere close by then heard someone run off. He turned his head to check behind him, no one was there. ‘Just some junkie.’ He thought returning his head to the door. “Hello?” He knocked on the door harder. “This is the police did someone call 911?” No one was responding; he’ll knock one more time if no one answers he was leaving. He lifted up his fist to bang on the door when he heard the door click. He watched the door open ever so slightly. He put his fist down and placed an open palm on his gun before entering. 

         The apartment was practical pitch black, he couldn’t see in front of him. He searched for a switch on the wall near the doorway with his hand that wasn’t on his gun. His finger tips found it and he flick it up. Nothing, no lights came on at all they didn’t even flicker a little bit. He mindlessly flicked the switch up in down knowing full well that it wasn’t going to work. After that attempt he pulled out his flash light from his utility belt and clicked it on. The light shined on a freshly dead corpse of a woman whose face had been partially cut off.  Officer Jamison flipped back his head and closed his eyes.

         “God Damnit.” He said through gritted teeth. At this point he was never going to eat that hotdog. This was going to take hours upon hours not to mention the pile of paper work.

         “Hello.”

         Officer Jamison nearly jumped out of his skin. He quickly turned to his right and found a little girl staring blankly at him. Something wasn’t right with her eyes, he couldn’t really see what with such little light but he could feel that something wasn’t right. He swears they almost look dead. It took him a second or two to get his wits back but his heart was still pounding. The little girl had scared him nearly to death and it was not helping his mood. He shrugged of the feeling and strained a smile at her.

         “Hello. My name is Officer Jamison. What’s yours?”

         “Lillian.”

         Officer Jamison shivered involuntary, her voice was empty and cold it gave him the creeps. But again he ignored it and walked closer to the girl keeping his fake smile on. “Well Lillian I’m here to help. Everything’s going to be okay.” He put his free hand on her shoulder. Lillian’s Eyes widen in surprise. She could feel his emotion while he was touching her. She wasn’t afraid, she wasn’t anything. She still couldn’t feel her own emotions but she could feel his and he was angry. Anger wasn’t a good emotion; it was dangerous. She pushed off his hand and gave him a warning look as she walked back into the shadows.

         Officer Jamison was shocked at first but he just rolled his eyes. ‘Whatever, one of the other officers can deal with her.’ He thought to himself as Lillian disappeared from sight. He got the walkie talkie from his belt and got a hold of dispatch to inform them of his situation; they were sending back up and CSI crew to the scene. He put the walkie talkie back on his belt and continued searching the rest of the apartment. 
                                                                                                   ***

         Detective David Siskin has been on the job for almost 20 years. He was a kid when he joined the force, eager and excited to help those in need.  Now he is a middle aged man but his eagerness to help has not changed. Detective Siskin has seen the worst of the worst and yet his heart has never grown hard or cold. He was a good man one of the few still in the world. 

         On February 12, 1996 Detective Siskin walked into Huntington apartment number four and found the scene heart breaking. Because Detective Siskin was a good man he still believed there was good in the world but sometimes his job made him second guess that. The apartment was rather dark even though the CSI crew had set up big lights all over the crime scene. It was as if the darkness in the house was alive, the lights did nothing more than cast eerie shadows. The apartment is small and packed with officers, detectives, CSI, and a cleanup crew. Detective Siskin walked into the apartment carefully so he wouldn’t step on any evidence. He saw the woman’s body sprawled on the floor; it was beaten and mutilated. Whatever had happen here it had been personal.

         “Who called it in?” Asked Detective Siskin to the room. He has been given this case and is now lead detective. 

         “I did sir.” Replied a young officer who looked rather unhappy.

         “What’s your name son?”

         “Carl Jamison, sir. Officer Carl Jamison.”

         “Well Officer Jamison, can you tell me what we have here?”

         “Yes sir. Here was have a young woman probable no older than thirty maybe thirty-one. She appears to have been beaten, however some of the bruises are faded. It also appears that part of her face was cut off.”

         “Is this the only body that you found?”

         “No sir there is one in the back in the bedroom. It’s very odd sir I’ve never seen anything like it.”

         Detective Siskin raised an eyebrow at the officer and asked to be shown. Officer Jamison led him to the room and Detective Siskin stopped dead in his tracks. The room appeared to have been on fire and he saw the burnt corpse. He went over to take a closer look; the carpet crunched underneath his black shoes.

         “And this is how you found the body?” Detective Siskin asked.

         “Yes sir. This is exactly how I found it. The only thing I can think of is that this person set themselves on fire.”

         Detective Siskin looked around at the room again. It did not appear as if there was one point of origin where fire had started let alone starting fluid or even a match. It almost looked like there was an explosion of some kind. Yet there was no sign of any real damage; just scorch marks, ashes, and a severally burnt body.

         “Do we have any clue who this person is?” He asked Officer Jamison.

         “No sir not right now. No one is willing to talk to use and we could not find any i.d. on either bodies to help identify them. We do not even know what sex this body is.”

         “Okay, and yes this body is to badly damaged we will have to wait for the corner to take a closer look.”

         Officer Jamison just gave a stiff nod; he really didn’t care and he really didn’t want to be here. Detective Siskin could see this and was beginning to get frustrated with the young man. He couldn’t stand many of the new officers. They didn’t join the force to help they did it for power and self-esteem. Detective Siskin shook his head and continued asking him questions wither Officer Jamison liked it or not. He was the first on the scene his observations can be the most helpful.

         “Did you find or see anyone else when you got here?” He asked sternly attempting to get the man’s attention as to how serious this situation was. Officer Jamison clearly did not get the hint and gave a lazy ‘no’ response. Detective Siskin ignored the young officer’s attitude and left the room to see what the CSI crew had for him. 

         After walking back to the living room his eyes searched it looking for the head of the CSI crew. His eyes stopped at a corner of the room where it was darkest; he swore he saw something. He took a closer step and saw flash of blonde hair. His eyes widen; there was a child in this room. Detective Siskin walked over to the corner slowly so he wouldn’t frighten the child, if it had witnessed the events here it is probable scared to death already.

         When he got close enough the child came into view. It was a little girl no older than five or six years old. She was beaten and bloody causing Detective Siskin to feel such pity for her. 

         “Hello.” He said sweetly flashing her a weak but genuine smile.

         “Hello.” She replied dryly. Detective Siskin took a step closer and bent down on one knee. She looked up at him with an empty expression on her face. Detective Siskin smiled weakly at the girl again and gently pushed back some stray hairs out of her face. The moment he touch her Lillian felt his emotions. He genuinely carried about her, he was in pain over her, and he was a good man. After she felt those feelings she knew she would be safe with him so she quickly jumped into his arms. Detective Siskin was surprised and took this as affection from the little girl. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close; tears forming in the corners of his eyes. His heart was breaking inside, he loved children. He and his wife had been trying for years and had started giving up hope so to see such a little miracle beaten and broken tore up his soul. He gently picked up the girl and brought her towards the well lit area of the room so he could take a closer look at her. The light hit her face and he saw the bruises, swollen left eye, and a very deep cut under the other. After seeing all the damage that was done to her he looked straight into her eyes. He had never seen eyes like hers before.

         “You have such pretty eyes. I’ve never seen someone with blonde hair and such dark eyes.” 

         Lillian looked at the man with curiosity, clearly he was mistaken. She has blue eyes not dark ones. It must be the bad lighting. “I have blue eyes.” She told him. Detective Siskin frowned at this; perhaps she was just flustered after the events of today.

         “What’s your name?”

         “Lillian.”

         “That’s a very pretty name.”

         “Thank you.” She said in an empty voice.

         Detective Siskin heard the emptiness inside her voice and his heart ached for her. 

         “Crap.” Came a voice from the hallway.

         Detective Siskin and Lillian looked towards the hallway; it was Officer Jamison. He saw Lillian and realized he was going to be in trouble. He had totally forgotten about the little girl. Detective Siskin eyes instantly flared up with anger. Lillian felt this immediately and started to shift around in his arms. She was still not use to this new ability and not being able to feel her own emotions. Detective Siskin felt her shift and thought that she was becoming frightened so he calmed himself down and focused on getting the girl help. He gave one last look at Officer Jamison and head out the door. He was going to take Lillian to the hospital so she could get fixed up. 

                                                                                                                  ***

         Lillian sat on the edge of a hospital bed in the ER thinking about what was going to happen to her know. She had received very good care from smiling nurses and doctors telling her everything was going to be okay. They stitched up her cut, gave her ice for her eye, and plenty of food and water. The nurses tried to make her smile by joking and giving her candy; but she just looked at them blankly feeling nothing at all. After getting her help the doctor gave her a physical exam. He saw she was malnourished but was blown away by her muscle tone. She has the strength of a full grown adult and could lift twice her body weight. The doctor also saw the effects of being born addicted to crack; Lillian was much smaller than a girl her age should be. After the physical the doctor sent in the hospitals psychologist on duty to talk to her. Lillian answered all the psychologist answers politely but did not elaborate too much on what had happened at the apartment. Once the psychologist was finished she joined the doctor who was talking to Detective Siskin outside of Lillian’s room.

         “She is extremely malnourished. Who knows when the last time she had a proper meal. Her muscle tone is incredible; I’ve never seen anything like it before. If she keeps getting stronger by the time she’s an adult she will have the strength to pick up a car.” He told the detective half joking. “We are going to keep her over night so she can become hydrated and get a couple of warm meals in her.”

         “Okay thank you doctor, what about her psychologically?” He asked looking towards the psychologist.

         “It appears that she has completely shut down. After what she witnessed it is to be expected, especially from someone so young. If she is given therapy immediately there might be a chance to save her but even that is a long shot. She will not go into too much detail as to what happened to her or what happened to the body in the bedroom. All she told me is that it was in fact her father and he had tried to kill her.” Detective Siskin felt a lump in his throat. He was choking back tears; he felt such an attachment to this little girl.

         “I guess you will be calling so-social services?” He asked trying to control his emotions.

         The psychologist heard the pain in the man’s voice. Every cop knows what happens in foster homes; especially to little girls. She put a comforting hand on his shoulder and looked him square in the eyes.“I promise I will do my best to make sure she is sent to a good home.”
Detective Siskin bowed his head and nodded that he understood. All he could do is hope. Suddenly he snapped his head up; an idea just popped into his head.

         “If you’ll excuse me I have to make a quick phone call.” He told the doctor and psychologist. Before they could respond he was already half way down the hall heading to the public phones.

         Back in the room Lillian had heard everything and realized that she was going to be sent to a new home. She had never heard of social services or a foster home before, but by the sound of it she was going to be given to someone. She wondered quietly if they would be anything like her parents. The thoughts of her parents loomed in her mind but she still felt nothing; no pain, no sadness, not even anger. She looked down at herself and saw she was still rather dirty. If she was going to be sent somewhere and meet someone who might possible take her in she thought it would be logical to get herself cleaned up. She slipped off the side of the bed and headed to the bathroom. She opened the heavy door than turned on the faucet. She put her hands under the warm water and let it flow over them and in-between her fingers. It had been months since she had felt the warmth of running water; however she could not enjoy all she could feel was the warmth of the water kissing her skin. She watched as dirt, blood, and days of muck washed off her hands and down the drain. After scrubbing her arms and face she looked up at the mirror to check herself. Lillian was surprised to see that her eyes were no longer blue. The detective had not been seeing things her eyes are charcoal black. She stared back at herself with curiosity, what had happened to her today that changed her so? She remembered all of it; the fire burning inside, the emotions of others, all the pain of the world crushing her. But what was that light? What had caused such damage to the room and her father? She was going to find out even if it took the rest of her life to find the answer. Lillian continued looking at herself searching for any sign of her old self and realized that her old self died along with her parents. She was no longer a child, in fact, she was barely human. Someone knocked on the hospital room door. 

         “Lillian?” Lillian peeked out of the bathroom and saw it was Detective Siskin. “Lillian can I talk to you for a second?” Lillian walked out of the bathroom and stood in front of him. He got on his knees so he was face to face with her. He had a big smile on his face and seemed rather excited about something.

         “Lillian I know it’s been a rough day and I shouldn’t ask you about this but I have to do this now or it might be too late.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Would you like to come live with me and my wife?” He was barely able to control his emotions his eyes were swimming with tears. Lillian looked at him with her darkened orbs and slowly reached out with both her hands. Her tiny hands cupped his face and searched his eyes. Detective Siskin took this as affection from the little girl causing warm tears to escape him and flow down his face. This of course was not an affection touch. Lillian was attempting to see if she could feel his emotion, she was still very new to this gift.  She gently wiped away a few tears absent mindedly thinking they would interfere with her reading. This made the man cry even harder; this little girl has stolen his heart. Lillian concentrated on him to look deep inside past the current emotions. She felt good in this man she couldn’t explain how but she could sense very little anger and hate in him. The only emotion she felt that might bad is his over need to protect, but all that meant was that he would keep her safe. Lillian would agree to go with this man it was more logical than taking her chance in that foster home thing.

         “Yes.” She finally answered. Detective Siskin couldn’t hold in his emotions any longer and they burst out of him. He wrapped his arms around the girl bring her close resting his head on her shoulder. He had on the biggest smile and happy tears streamed freely down his already wet face. This little girl just made him the happiest man in the world.

         The next day the hospital told Detective Siskin she was okay to go home with him. This was the happiest day of his life. He called in a few favors and was granted to be her foster father. In a few years him and his wife would be allowed to adopted Lillian and make her officially theirs, but to Detective Siskin this little girl was his from the moment he saw her. He arrived early to the hospital with several bags of new winter clothes for Lillian beaming at everyone. After Lillian got herself dress he put on a brand new heavily stuffed jacket and buttoned her up. He put both his hands on her shoulders.

         “Are you ready?” He asked smiling down at her. Lillian nodded and took his hand as they walked out of the hospital together.
        
                                                                     *** 

         The year is 2005 and it has nearly been six years since the day Lillian’s soul broke. Her life had greatly improved after moving in with the Siskins. She has been lavished in love, kisses, hugs, new clothes, and all the toys any little girl could ask for. But Lillian wasn’t happy; still after all these years she felt nothing. However, she could still feel other’s but only through touch. She had learned through trial and error that depending on how long she held on to the touch did she get a full reading of the person. Despite not feeling any emotion Lillian was a very good girl, she might not be able to feel but hurting others made no sense to her especially if she could feel any pain she caused. For instance she called her new parents Mr. and Mrs. Siskin for many years until she said it when her new mother was holding her and felt how bad it hurt her; so Lillian started calling them mother and father. Even though she very rarely got in trouble her emptiness bothered her adopted parents so they sent her to therapy right away.
         
         The therapist was a nice older African-American lady who wore rather large glasses. Her name was April Sparrow. She told Lillian from day one that no matter what was said here she would be safe and wouldn’t leave her office. Lillian never got a chance to touch her so she merely took her by her word. After a couple of sessions about how life was going now April turned the conv          The year is 2005 and it has nearly been six years since the day Lillian’s soul broke. Her life had greatly improved after moving in with the Siskins. She has been lavished in love, kisses, hugs, new clothes, and all the toys any little girl could ask for. But Lillian wasn’t happy; still after all these years she felt nothing. However, she could still feel other’s but only through touch. She had learned through trial and error that depending on how long she held on to the touch did she get a full reading of the person. Despite not feeling any emotion Lillian was a very good girl, she might not be able to feel but hurting others made no sense to her especially if she could feel any pain she caused. For instance she called her new parents Mr. and Mrs. Siskin for many years until she said it whenersation to the night her parents died. At first Lillian merely told her what she had told every other person that asked her about that day, but her therapist knew she wasn’t telling her something. So she slowly pushed Lillian into telling her; constantly reassuring her that no matter what was said everything would be okay. After a couple of meetings Lillian finally broke down and told her the whole story. At this point Lillian had done some research on what had happened and had come to the conclusion that her soul had broken. She told the therapist that the power of her soul breaking is what caused the damage to the room and the death of her father. Lillian realized immediately she had done the wrong thing by telling April the truth. Her face become instantly frightened not just from what Lillian told her but how she said it; it was empty. April ended the session shortly afterwards. 
         
         April told the Siskins that Lillian has had a complete break with reality and that she was living in a fantasy world in order to survive. She also went on to tell the Siskins that Lillian needed extreme therapy and heavy medication as soon as possible. Her new parents said they would do anything they could to help their daughter. They sat Lillian down and told her that she would be sent somewhere for little kids who have problems. Lillian didn’t know what they meant until they dropped her off at Shady Oaks.
         
         Shady Oaks was a behavioral ward for children that have severe mental illness and Lillian had become their new resident. At first they were nice to her, but it didn’t take long for them to become harsh on the little girl. They became frustrated when the medication and extreme therapy wasn’t working on bringing back her emotions. After a week in Shady Oaks many of the workers were becoming frightened and angry with Lillian’s emptiness. One of the workers had grabbed Lillian when she ignored him she instantly felt his anger and that he was a threat. She gave him a warning look but he did not let go. She grabbed his wrist and squeezed; he flinched but he still did not let go. So Lillian took his arm and twisted breaking it in two. They man howled in pain getting the attention of all the other workers. They went after Lillian trying to grab her but she pushed, punched, and kicked them off. She felt no anger only threatened and she was going to defend herself. However it didn’t take them long to pile on top of her and stick a needle in her making her go unconscious. When Lillian awoke she realized that this place was dangerous and it was just best to pretend that she was ‘fixed’. After a week of pretending to be okay they sent her home, but she could not lie to her parents. She felt how happy they were that she was better and did not want to give them false hope. Lillian told them everything and said that she will not be going back to therapy or Shady Oaks. This is how she truly is and if they loved her they will not force her to change. They took their child’s words to heart and told her of course they loved her the way she was. So Lillian only pretended in extreme cases but other than that she went back to showing how she really was. 
         
         But Shady Oaks was many years ago and Lillian is now twelve years old. Lillian still had long blonde hair that rippled down past her shoulders. All her wounds from that night had healed but she had a large arrow head shaped scar under her right eye. She was also still shorter than most girls her age and will most likely always be that way. Most of her time is spent inside her new home doing research. Over the years Lillian has found out about other gods and religions, but they all had one thing in common the belief in a human soul. Studying other religions opinions on souls became her main focus in life. Her parents happily bought her every book she asked for because they wanted to make their little girl happy. They had attempted to buy her toys but she never played with them so when she started asking for something she wanted they were overjoyed. 
         
         Her parents were surprised by how intelligent Lillian is. They had expected her to be behind kids her own age because of being born addicted to drugs and not being put in school. Since Lillian was not distracted by emotions she learned quickly and soon exceeded her classmates. They put Lillian in the advance classes and passed all of the with flying colors. The only thing that worried her parents was that Lillian didn’t have any friends. Her father would come and watch her during his break. Lillian would sit under a tree on the schools playground and read while the other children played. Sometimes some of the children would tease his daughter but she would just sit there and take it. She never once told on them or reacted to one of their comments. This made his heart flutter with pride, in his eyes this showed how strong his little girl was.
         
         The Siskins were followers of Reform Judaism and hoped that since Lillian was so into religion that she would take to theirs. Lillian was fascinated by Judaism as she was with all religions, but nothing more than that at first. In hopes of helping her make friends her parents sent her to Hebrew school on the weekends that was led by the Rabbi. Rabbi Schmul Sniderman was very nice old man who has short thin white hair, grey blue eyes the twinkled with kindness, and a very snazzy dresser. He always wore a black or dark blue suit and a matching tie. He also wears fun kippots at Hebrew school and a plain black one during service. Rabbi Sniderman was instantly drawn to Lillian, he always had a keen eye for special people and Lillian is indeed special. He would talk to her more than anyone else in the class and found her very intriguing and intelligent. Lillian flooded him with every question imaginable about Judaism. He answered every question with enthusiasm. Rabbi Sniderman could see how broken Lillian is and felt the need to give her direction. He had seen it too many times in his life; someone as broken as Lillian would go down the wrong path. As a holy man he could not stand by and watch this little girl walk down the wrong path. He also realized that Lillian was not an emotional child so he used logic to convince her that Judaism had a path for her to follow if she ever felt lost. 
         
         “Lillian,” Said Rabbi Sniderman, “I know you do not feel, but that does not make you a bad person. I also see how physically strong you are. If you were to go down the wrong path and ignore the fact that you are still a human being, despite everything that has happened, you could hurt someone. That is something I know you do not want to do.” Lillian looked up at the wise old man; she knew what he was trying to do. She believed in the one god that the Jews believed in but saw no reason to follow it. However the old Rabbi was right; she did not want to hurt anyone. Even though she could not feel emotions she knew right and wrong but because she has no emotions she had no path to follow. “Can you do me a favor Lillian? Will you study with me for a month?” Lillian thought about it and then gave him a slight nod saying she would.
         
         After a month of studying Judaism and Hebrew, Lillian found the religion to be rather logical. There were many rules for her to follow to keep her from falling down a dark path. After the month was done she decided to convert to Judaism. The day before her conversion ceremony Rabbi Sniderman took her and her father to his office. His office was rather small and packed with books. He went over to one of the shelves and picked up a thick old book. He placed it on the desk and sat on the chair facing Lillian.
         
         “Lillian tomorrow you will be making a new start for yourself.” He told her smiling. “We will be accepting you into our religion and into our family. Now Jews gets their own Hebrew name, this is usual given to them by their parents but I had a talk with your father and we decided that you should pick one. Is there anything you’d like to be called?”
         
         “I’m sorry Rabbi but I do not like anything.” She said bluntly. Her father squeezed her shoulder gently and smiled.
         
         “I’m sorry Rabbi every specialist we’ve talked to has said that she has closed herself off emotionally.” He informed Rabbi Sniderman. Lillian shifted underneath her father’s hand. This wasn’t true but she had given up on explaining what had really happened to her a long time ago. The Rabbi nodded his head in understanding.
         
         “Well in that case I will pick one for you.” He said turning to the book. “Now Lillian a name is very important it can help remind you of who you should be. Every Hebrew name has a meaning we just have to pick one that best suits you.” He flipped through several pages muttering a few names but shaking his head. “Ah here’s one. Shamira it means protector.” He turned to her smiling with his usual twinkle in his eye. “Do you know why I picked that?” Lillian silently shook her head no. “Because I see how strong you are Lillian, and people who are born with special abilities like you are meant to protect those who do not have it. Whenever you hear this name you will be reminded of your ability and the duty that comes with it.” Lillian pondered this for a moment then turned to her father.
         
         “I wish for this to become my real name.” She stated to him
         
         “What?”
         
         “Since tomorrow will be a new beginning for me I wish to rid myself of my current name and take this one.”
         
         “Uh O-OK if that’s what you want I’ll have to talk to your mother first.”
         
         “Thank you father.”
         
         The next day Lillian converted to Judaism. A few days later she had her name officially changed to Shamira. In her mind Lillian was dead and buried; she was now Shamira protector. 

                                                  ***

         The year is 2010 and Shamira is a college freshman. Her teenage years were rough because her power had grown over the course of time. One day when she was sixteen Shamira found a woman bloody and beaten on the side of the road. Shamira picked her up but soon fell to her knees in agony as blood came gushing out of her nose and in-between her legs; the woman had been raped. She ignored her physical pain and carried the woman to the hospital. After that night Shamira realized her powers had grown and would have to be careful from now on when handling the wounded.
         
         Along with the growth of her power Shamira was finding it difficult feeling the emotions of other yet not her own. So in order to feel anything Shamira began cutting herself because pain was the only thing she could feel and react to. It didn’t take too long for her observing and loving parents to discover what she was doing. They, of course like any other true parents, became instantly concerned for their daughter. They sat her down and had a talk with her; wondering if she was suicidal. Shamira had given up a long time ago trying to explain to her parents that she truly felt nothing.  Instead she told them she was not suicidal she just enjoyed the pain. Though this bothered them they accepted it and made her promise to stop cutting. Shamira agreed and her parents started signing her up for rough sports. However the rough sports were not enough for her and at night she would sneak out of her home. She would go down dark allies looking for trouble and usually she would find it. There were nights she would take on four or five men at a time and crawl home with severe wounds. In the morning she would play it off as a sports injury and though her parents were suspicious they accepted the answer. The physical pain reminded her she was still alive and not some walking dead creature despite the heart beating in her chest. 
         
         When she was seventeen Shamira found a show on television about tattooing and saw the reaction of the clients getting tattooed. Shamira new from studying Jewish law that tattooing was against their beliefs but perhaps this would be a safer way to get the feeling she wants without the extreme physical consequences. At the next Torah study group Shamira talked to Rabbi Sniderman in private about her dilemma telling him everything that had happened over the course of her teenage years. He told her that if she feels like she must feel physical pain than the tattooing would be a much safer solution; he gave her his blessing.
         
         About a week later, after explaining to her parents, Shamira went to a local tattoo parlor with her own design. She had created something that symbolized her early childhood prior to her soul breaking. The moment the needle hit her skin Shamira’s eyes fluttered shut feeling the pain it caused. Two and a half hours later the tattoo was done.
         
         “So do you like it?” Grunted the rough looking male tattoo artist.  Shamira of course neither liked nor disliked the tattoo, but she put on a fake smile and told him yes. Over the next year Shamira returned to that tattoo artist on several occasions getting her virgin skin etched on with beautiful works of art. Once she started getting tattooed Shamira stopped going out to get into fights and returned all her focus on school. 
         
         Her senior year of high school went by fast and before she knew it Shamira had to pick a career and a college. Having no feelings of course made her ability to choose her career path rather difficult. Because of her good grades she was getting offers from schools all over the country making your decision process much more difficult. Her loving father saw her dilemma and decided to help.
         
         “Why don’t you pick history as your major?” He said to her one day when she was staring at a college brochure. “You have always read books on religions, especially the ancient ones. I’m sure being a historian would be the perfect path for you.” He put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed like he had always done since he had found her. Shamira looked up at her father with her darkened eyes and nodded in agreement. He smiled at her as she turned back to the brochure and tear silently fell down his face as he saw his one and only beloved child growing up. 
         
         Now that she had chosen her career picking the proper college was next. Her and her parents went on several tours of local colleges but she found too many things wrong with them; most of the problems being they were very unsafe. Shamira was on the verge of just picking a job and doing that without college when she came across a letter that had a god on the envelope. She picked it up to take a closer look. There was indeed a god on it, it was the god Vulcan; the god of volcano’s and metal work. The college was called California University of Pennsylvania located in a small town not far from Pittsburgh, PA. Vulcan was their mascot and they offered courses she needed to get her degree in history. After doing research on the school she decided that this was the place for her despite the fact that the school had no better credentials than many others she had looked at but something drew her to this college; though she did not know what. 
         
         After convincing her parents that she would be fine living so far away they went out to California, PA and did the necessary paper work to get her into the school. Shamira was quickly accepted and had her classes picked out. When August came around she and her family moved her into her dorm room. Her parents gave a tearful good-bye to their only child and left her on her own.
         
         Now it was almost November and Shamira had settled in roughly. Majority of people found her frightening or just plain awkward so they ignored her completely. But there were others who found her to be nothing more than a freak and would taunt her; sometimes they would go as far as fighting her. Most of the people that attempted to fight her were men after seeing her lift weights in the gym. They thought perhaps she was actually a guy from the amount of weight she was lifting so they tried to attack her in the girl’s locker room; they failed with severe consequences. After that Shamira stopped going to the gym but still dealt with stupid people attempting to start a fight with her. It actually became a secret competition on campus making daily life for her somewhat difficult at times. On this day in November of 2010 Shamira was sitting on a bench reading her western history book thoroughly when she heard someone walk softly up to her. Shamira ignored them expecting them to just sit down or keep walking but they just stood there.

         “Lillian?”