Burnout

A Story by Shaly Laevulins

It takes a while to realize it's happened. Looking back it took over four years for me to notice it. It hides in the shadows, black like the ashes of a fire long since dead. It’s easy to miss when you’re not looking for it. You expect it later, maybe 10 years after you start, maybe longer depending on how your early years go. It’s like a genjutsu, you need to recognize it before you can break it. The problem is just because you recognize it doesn’t mean you’re trained to deal with it. It means you have to stop and focus, in a battle it means your guard is down. It can mean death if you’re not careful. It can come in an instant, without a sound. On our side, we must hide it, like the code of Anbu, and leave no trace. We close rank so no one knows, sometimes even comrades don’t know how much you’re actually hiding. Even when it’s gone, the fear remains. Fear of it coming back, happening again. Like tsukuyomi, living it over and over. It changes you forever. From living a life with no second guessing, to looking over your shoulder waiting for something to hit. From a naive genin to a veteran jonin, haunted by the duty of the symbol and station we choose to uphold. We deal with it because it’s our job and it’s expected of us. We remain in the circle together, we have no choice. It’s important to us.