The Indecisive Title

I couldn't decide what to call this reflection of my indecisive nature and so.... I chose... to make it indecisive. Like my story.

    Like the title, I find myself a bit... indecisive.  See, I have a little issue with coming to terms with certain things and standing firm on certain things, and so forth.  I like to say I'm very "open-minded" but the truth is:  I'm just confused as hell.

 

    Ever since I was a little kid things have been a bit, shall we say, foggy.  When it came to what I wanted to eat I'd always say "I don't know" and ask someone else to pick it.  When it came to any type of decision with food I'd do inny-minny moe.  You know that game where whichever one was caught by the toe was it, or something like that?  Yeah, that one.  In truth, I still do it.  I still have no idea what I want to eat, when I want to eat, or whether or not what I'm eating is any gosh darn good for me.  It's a troublesome habit.  I remember getting into so many arguments with my mother simply on where to go eat.  I would always say "I don't know" and she'd always say back "how the hell do you not know?  You never know!" and the evil cycle would begin.  We'd drive around in circles until finally she'd give up (mostly due to gas running low) and pick a place, any place around.

 

    "What do you want to be when you grow up?" The nice niave teacher would ask.  "A firefighter!"  "A ballerina!"  "A policeman!" were the most popular and reasonable answers.  What was my witty response?  "I don't know," I'd say with a shrug and a blank stare because I really, really, didn't have a clue.  And who said I do now?  I'm sixteen years old right about now and I still haven't the slightest idea what on earth I want to study.  Writing, Law, Biology, Theatre, Psycology, it's all mixed up together!  Like the Milky Way it swirls around and round in my brain until it becomes nothing but a gooey unknown mess.  When I'm plopped down in front of my guidance counselor and they start talking about college and majors, I want to catch a one way ticket to Limbo because it's truly where I should be.  I know for a fact (shocker) that I want to go to college, but what to major in I haven't the slightest lightbulb flashing idea.  I'm lost within a mass of focused somebodies who have their whole lives planned out from point A to point Z and me?  I don't even know where the beginning point is.  Which is also a known fact because I suck when it comes to directions.

 

    I don't know what on earth I'm doing (are you starting to see a pattern?) and what it all boils down to is, well, a phobia of making decisions.  I always ask for a second, third, millionth opinion and even then, I can't make up my peanut sized mind!  Every once in a while, I get this magnificent plan for my life, a wonderful paved road to success brightly lit by starlight.  But as fate would have it, the star dies out, turns into a black hole and sucks in the road and every thought, plan, and list that came bundled up with it.  It's a wreck, I know.  It's changable, I also know.  It's my life and I better figure it out.  Hell, I know!  Those are some of the things I do have figured out so far and truly, they aren't really that great.  So, since I've already got that one way ticket to limbo, I'm catching that flight and staying there for a bit.  Then again, isn't that counterproductive?  Maybe I shouldn't sit around in that wasteland and get my stuff together  Maybe, maybe, maybe.  If only I could make up my mind.

 

(Quite sure there's a pattern here.)